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In this relationship each of us are financially independent. We enjoy the time shared but I'm questioning the future. We are both family oriented however, this relationship differs from any other I've had because there was the death of a spouse & young adults that still live at home.
It sounds as though this man will continue to be dominated by his 25 yr old daughters and that is odd that they don't date anyone . They sound as though they have made their dad and mom their whole world and they are not ready for you to take or date their dad at all . You have to get a hotel room because they are not grown up enough to understand their dad has a right to a life they sound incredibly spoiled . I think they will always control their dad until he passes from this world to the next . My advice to you is to get out now this is a powder keg waiting to blow . Dad will never do anything without lil girls approval . what a mess he has allowed in his home sorry but true . Get out of this relationship now .
If the daughters are not even dating, I suspect that they will be living with their father until he dies. Unless, you want to spend all of your weekends in a hotel, hiding from his daughters, I would move on.
I admire the fathers loyality to his daughters but he's taking this a too far.
They are 25, should be out having the time of their lives. I lost my mom at 12 and for the most part matured without her like most women. Engaged twice by 25. I wasn't even told my mom was dying, I knew it by instinct. Different time, was the 60's. She was bedridden for months, Breast cancer that spread, didn't have the drugs we have now where someone can be up walking around, driving, running errands, and spend 10 days in hospice before dying. ((My brother)
I can't go back wards, my parents did the best they knew how.
Will say I went to counseling and got out the anger, etc. around losing her.
Its his house. If the 25 year olds have isssue, its just that, their issues.
I too recommend counseling NOW for these girls. I'm doubting very much if the deased mother would like to see them in the situation they are in. If they were most women's daughters, it'd break our heart to see them living with their father, STUCK. It's been 3 years which is a lifetime in your 20's. If they both work, they should move out, live together and mature like everyone else does moving through stages of life.
Sorry but dad is going to have to put his foot down and let them have their lives. Just like dad needs to have his. Guessing he is 50 to 60, way to young to throw in the towel on moving on with another women.
Of course with the girls at home, dad has a built in excuse to stay stuck too. Maybe that is what he really wants.
OP, have you suggested counseling for all 3. Yeah its a bad place for you to be, don't think it would go well. Have you met any of his siblings? Maybe they could suggest it.
Of course with the girls at home, dad has a built in excuse to stay stuck too. Maybe that is what he really wants.
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I seldom take the negative stand on most of the threads but this occurred to me, too.
Not necessarily 'stuck in the past but avoiding anything more committed.
Are the daughters actually telling him what to do or is he just doing what he thinks will keep them comfortable?
For that matter, he could simply be using them as an excuse to keep the OP at a distance. We wouldn't have any idea what the situation truly is, and the OP may not, either.
RE: the daughters: I wouldn't assume that just because they're living at home and not dating that they're somehow emotionally or socially stunted, or are used to revolving around their parents (one of whom is now deceased). They're in grad school. It sounds reasonable to live at home while going to school. It's also not unusual for grad students to be too busy with studies to date. They may have at least part-time jobs, to pay for groceries, etc., maybe they're even paying their own tuition. They may not have time to date. I'm just mentioning it, because people seem to be making assumptions about them, that are unwarranted, based on the limited info we have.
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