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Old 03-25-2008, 03:07 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 3,122,746 times
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we call it ignorance...and are very much over it. My family loves my dh and he feels good when we visit them. I am not religious but I just started reading Joel Osteen's book and in one of those chapters he talks about people that bring you down, toxic people and how you should not be around them; I totally saw this situation when I read that chapter.
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:08 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,033,491 times
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I would move in a minute but we own our own business. We considered moving to Chicago or the west coast when my husband finished grad school but I had this horrible dream...I dreamed my inlaws came to visit and had to stay for a week. Seriously that happened! So I figured I would rather be able to get in my car and get away from them than having them come to visit and staying for extended periods of time. We moved to the other side of town and they had a fit! Not because we saw them all the time (5-6 times per year and we lived in the same neighborhood!) but because they would not be able to know what we were doing as easily.
Crazy.
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:15 PM
 
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That's hypocritical of them; they want to know what you are doing all the time, but then won't invite you to functions? Just plain nasty...I would move, then give them the list of hotels...I don't think they'd find you worth visiting if it came out of their pockets. Frankly, Chicago sounds nice. Lots to do, lots of museums, culture, etc. no time to think about what function you missed w/your inlaws...move forward w/your lives and don't look back...............
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:23 PM
 
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I love Richmond and we have successful businesses here so it would be very hard for us to leave. There is something satsfying about running into my mother inlaws friends and they always ask if we spent the last holiday with them, went to their weekend home, etc. and I always say something like "No, but I'm sure they invited the others." Her friends don't understand it either. What must they think??

About Chicago, LOVE IT. There is something for everyone and you are right, there would be no "mope" time.
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:36 PM
 
Location: California
2,060 posts, read 5,750,603 times
Reputation: 2840
I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to be around people who treat them badly, family or not. And I would never let someone play their head trips on my children like these people do. I don't want my children to learn it's OK for someone to treat them this way, especially family. And this means they should not see their parents treated this way also.

I would stand your ground. They sound like a bunch of bullies to me. If they can't play nice, then I wouldn't play at all. End the cycle. Distance yourselves. No holidays, nothing, nada.

Regarding your father in-law: If he has also been part of this nonsense and treated you all this way, so be it. I would not feel guilty. Distance yourselves from him also. He has already shown what he thinks of you, his son, and his grandchildren.
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:44 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,033,491 times
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My father in laws disease has taken part of his mind so it is hard to be too harsh on him. There have been times of clarity when it seems my mother in law is coming around and I come close to falling for it, but then I remind myself that if she wants this to be over she needs to step up and get her daughters straight. She has set the pace for this and she needs to do more than call us every now and then to make herself feel better.

We will not be part of this anymore. On some level we are just as responsible for not making a decision and sticking to it. I guess we were hoping it would change.
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Old 03-25-2008, 03:59 PM
 
Location: America
6,704 posts, read 10,826,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Not only are they nasty to me but they are nasty to my children. They pit the grandchildren against each other so during family gatherings the cousins are in bitter competitions. It is awful. They will plant seeds of competition by saying "Oh, you are getting tutoredin math? Math is your cousins best subject! Oh well, we will find SOMETHING you are better at."

My mother and father inlaw go on vacations with my husbands sisters and their husbands and children and we are not invited. Not only are we not invited, the children are told not to tell my children they all went together. Of course, they tell my children the first opportunity they get.

The latest (but not the last, I'm sure!)...they all got together for Easter and we were not invited. Did I mention we all live in the same town? Until last year we lived in the same neighborhood! Needless to say, we moved from the naighborhood we shared because my children weree hurt every time they saw their grandparents drive by our house to get to their cousins house.

This post could go on and on. My question is this...WHAT DO I DO?? We have talked to them nicely, we have talked to them not so nicely, we have not talked to them for 1.5 years in order to have distance. We can't seem to find one that works for us. Fortunately, my husband sees what is going on and I am not doing this alone.

OK, I need some advice.
your in laws hate you for some reason. Ask your husband to tell you why, trust me, he knows.
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Old 03-25-2008, 07:44 PM
 
Location: in a house
5,852 posts, read 1,716,974 times
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Hi mrstewart...to get a great variety of stories about in-laws, you might like to check out this thread here on the relationships forumClassic In-Law Stories!
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Old 03-26-2008, 11:05 AM
 
13,779 posts, read 17,033,491 times
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I hope you don't care, but I thought I'd share an update on the in laws.

MIL called and invited us to dinner on Friday to celebrate the Easter holiday we were not invited to. I called her back and in no uncerain terms told her we would not be coming and I explained that her families actions hurt her son, me, and most importantly her grandchildren and we needed time to figure out what this relationship was going to look like.

She did not put up much of a fight...probably because she did not see this coming and she was unprepared.

I only bothered listing a few of the instances that have hurt us since I do not have the kind of time or energy that kind of conversation would demand.

I guess I am telling you this because the advice was great and I felt empowered.

Thanks guys!! M
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Old 03-26-2008, 12:51 PM
 
13,757 posts, read 12,307,279 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
I hope you don't care, but I thought I'd share an update on the in laws.

MIL called and invited us to dinner on Friday to celebrate the Easter holiday we were not invited to. I called her back and in no uncerain terms told her we would not be coming and I explained that her families actions hurt her son, me, and most importantly her grandchildren and we needed time to figure out what this relationship was going to look like.

She did not put up much of a fight...probably because she did not see this coming and she was unprepared.

I only bothered listing a few of the instances that have hurt us since I do not have the kind of time or energy that kind of conversation would demand.

I guess I am telling you this because the advice was great and I felt empowered.

Thanks guys!! M
Yanno, Good for you....I applaud you, this is exactly what I should have done in the very beginning when this all started, and I really don't know why I was such a coward...I was actually afraid to speak up and make waves. But, several of my friends told me, I should have done, what you just did. She will, respect you more, for telling her. Of course the first initial shock, will anger her, but when she really thinks about it...

1. She knows you all mean business
2. You just may get an apology and all will work out...

Good for you!!!!!
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