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Not only are they nasty to me but they are nasty to my children. They pit the grandchildren against each other so during family gatherings the cousins are in bitter competitions. It is awful. They will plant seeds of competition by saying "Oh, you are getting tutoredin math? Math is your cousins best subject! Oh well, we will find SOMETHING you are better at."
My mother and father inlaw go on vacations with my husbands sisters and their husbands and children and we are not invited. Not only are we not invited, the children are told not to tell my children they all went together. Of course, they tell my children the first opportunity they get.
The latest (but not the last, I'm sure!)...they all got together for Easter and we were not invited. Did I mention we all live in the same town? Until last year we lived in the same neighborhood! Needless to say, we moved from the naighborhood we shared because my children weree hurt every time they saw their grandparents drive by our house to get to their cousins house.
This post could go on and on. My question is this...WHAT DO I DO?? We have talked to them nicely, we have talked to them not so nicely, we have not talked to them for 1.5 years in order to have distance. We can't seem to find one that works for us. Fortunately, my husband sees what is going on and I am not doing this alone.
I will second this advice. There is enough unpleasantness your children will encounter in their lives, why add to it?
Not to mention the emotional scars they will bear.
Now, after several months, you will be confronted about why you're staying away from family events. Don't get emotional. Just state simply, "Well, given how you didn't invite us to several family gatherings, and given how you play people off against one another in the family, we just don't feel you provide a healthy, nurturing environment for our children. If you want to see them, change how you relate to your family. Thanks!"
I would not put myself or my children in such a position as to be abused like that. If they don't value your family they should not be so privileged as to be with you and yours under any circumstances.
Thank you all so much. I told my husband that it was unhealthy for my children to see their mother and father being, for all intents and purposes, abused by family members. This helps take the "family guilt" out of the equation and just do what I would do if they were just cruddy acquaintances...have nothing to do with them.
Not only are they nasty to me but they are nasty to my children. They pit the grandchildren against each other so during family gatherings the cousins are in bitter competitions. It is awful. They will plant seeds of competition by saying "Oh, you are getting tutoredin math? Math is your cousins best subject! Oh well, we will find SOMETHING you are better at."
My mother and father inlaw go on vacations with my husbands sisters and their husbands and children and we are not invited. Not only are we not invited, the children are told not to tell my children they all went together. Of course, they tell my children the first opportunity they get.
The latest (but not the last, I'm sure!)...they all got together for Easter and we were not invited. Did I mention we all live in the same town? Until last year we lived in the same neighborhood! Needless to say, we moved from the naighborhood we shared because my children weree hurt every time they saw their grandparents drive by our house to get to their cousins house.
This post could go on and on. My question is this...WHAT DO I DO?? We have talked to them nicely, we have talked to them not so nicely, we have not talked to them for 1.5 years in order to have distance. We can't seem to find one that works for us. Fortunately, my husband sees what is going on and I am not doing this alone.
OK, I need some advice.
What makes you and your husband, most comfortable, at ease and when you feel the best about this issue?
I ask, b/c only you and your husband can answer this question.
I, have a nasty daughter in law, who is manipulative, and sneaky....when My son is around, she is sweet as pie to me, and when he is not around, she is nasty and mean. I tried for 10 years....then I cut them off...I am more at peace when I am not connected to them, reason being, my son, feels badly but refuses to get his head out of the sand. I think, I did what was best for all of us concerned, as it makes it so difficult for him. Its a battle I really don't want to win.
But, you must do what gives you both the most peace...I find that if I am around them, I become very upset, get physically sick to my stomache adn everything replays and replays...and she never ceases to amaze me...I cannot believe people can be that manipulative and nasty. So, you must both discuss it, and come to a decission, then stick to it. You really don't need them in your life to be happy or to seek approval to be happy.
They sound very cruel and unthinking...self absorbed. Hurt terrible, doesn't it?
Good luck and hugs
Creme
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