U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-22-2018, 07:36 AM
 
7 posts, read 3,149 times
Reputation: 25

Advertisements

In 2015, I started dating my current girlfriend. Last year, she broke her neck in a skiing accident and is paralyzed from the shoulders down. She was in the hospital and then a rehab facility for several months and only recently returned home(her parents home). She is dependent on others for almost everything. She had been working as a lawyer prior to her accident. She wants to return to doing that job somehow.

She has told me that she would understand if I want to leave her. I don't want to leave her. I want to marry her, but most people in my life aren't supportive especially my brother and friends. They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-22-2018, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
27,164 posts, read 29,645,043 times
Reputation: 26642
Not at all. If she is the person you are in love with and want to marry, do it. But it might be helpful to chat with people in a similar relationship about how it works, their expectations as well as the local “center for independent living” for disabled people to help you understand your unique situation.

A college classmate of mine is disabled from not quite the neck down but close. He is married, with kids in a fufilling relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 08:27 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,499 posts, read 5,354,273 times
Reputation: 10441
Quote:
Originally Posted by evan287 View Post
She has told me that she would understand if I want to leave her. I don't want to leave her. I want to marry her, but most people in my life aren't supportive especially my brother and friends. They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
The bold part is all you need.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 08:32 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,030 posts, read 12,814,885 times
Reputation: 31311
If you want to marry her because you love her, DO IT!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 08:48 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,198 posts, read 15,171,485 times
Reputation: 102163
I concur with all the previous posters. Go for it!

.
__________________
My posts as a Moderator will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS And check this out: FAQ
Moderator of Canada (and sub-fora), Illinois (and sub-fora), Indiana (and sub-fora), Automotive, Caregiving, Community Chat, Fashion & Beauty, Hair Care, Games/Trivia, History, Nature, Psychology, Travel, Work & Employment, Writing.
___________________________
~ Life's a gift. Don't waste it. ~
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Posting from my space yacht.
8,008 posts, read 3,143,711 times
Reputation: 14480
Do you want to have children?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 09:32 AM
 
3,779 posts, read 2,994,985 times
Reputation: 7533
Quote:
Originally Posted by evan287 View Post
They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
Sounds good to me! Go for it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 09:37 AM
 
7 posts, read 3,149 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
Sounds good to me! Go for it!
I meant to write in my first post that they said that I would more of a caregiver than a husband.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,102 posts, read 5,385,884 times
Reputation: 12612
Quote:
Originally Posted by evan287 View Post
In 2015, I started dating my current girlfriend. Last year, she broke her neck in a skiing accident and is paralyzed from the shoulders down. She was in the hospital and then a rehab facility for several months and only recently returned home(her parents home). She is dependent on others for almost everything. She had been working as a lawyer prior to her accident. She wants to return to doing that job somehow.

She has told me that she would understand if I want to leave her. I don't want to leave her. I want to marry her, but most people in my life aren't supportive especially my brother and friends. They have straight up told me that I would end being more of a husband than a caregiver.
I think you meant to say "more of a caregiver than a husband".

The fact is, you would very much be a caregiver. As long as you have carefully considered, and discussed with her:

Children - maybe you could adopt, maybe you could have a surrogate - but how will the children be cared for with you being the only mobile parent? Or the possibility of never having children.

Your physical needs - Are you prepared to be celibate? Or you two open to having your physical needs being met outside of the marriage?

A plan for her long-term care.

^^These are just a few things that I can think of off the top of my head. There are likely a lot of other things to be considered.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2018, 09:52 AM
 
3,779 posts, read 2,994,985 times
Reputation: 7533
Quote:
Originally Posted by evan287 View Post
I meant to write in my first post that they said that I would more of a caregiver than a husband.
I figured. I think what matters is that you both want to get married and you have a realistic perspective on what her paralysis means for your life together and how you would approach challenges together. It would be crucial to be on the same wavelength.

What others think isn't important.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top