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Old 03-24-2018, 04:29 AM
 
Location: Sacramento
1 posts, read 391 times
Reputation: 10

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So a little exposition for the readers, my current girlfriend and I went to high school together. I was a senior when she was a sophomore, I had a crush on her but never pursued her. I had other gfs, and what not, but they never seemed to match up to her. Well anyways I graduate, go on to college and such, and about two years later I see her on IG and decide to add her. We already had each other on Facebook and would occasionally like each others posts, but never talked.
So one day in August 2014, I decide to hit her up on IG (Instagram). I comment under her post my feelings towards her and long story short she dms me, I get her number we start texting. Now from the beginning I let her know my stance on flirting in relationships and how I felt it was disrespectful to the significant other if you flirted outside the relationship. She told me that I was the first guy she dated to feel this way. She told me she didn't think flirting was a big deal but if in a relationship with someone she loved she could change. So we text, hang out, talk on the phone for about 3-4 weeks before I find out she had also been talking to another guy. She had told me previously that I was the only man she was talking to, and it turned out to be a lie. Now idk if that should've been a red flag but I proceeded like a dummy with talking to her after a big argument and a week of not speaking. She ended up texting me asking forgiveness, saying she didn't mean to withhold the information of her talking to another guy at the same time, and told me the other guy was going into the military and would be away for basic training. She also had a few guy friends she told me I shouldn't worry about. There was one in particular who really stood out. He always seemed to be smirking at me as if he knew something that would **** me off, but wouldn't say. His name was John. We end up making it official October of 2014, and at this time I'm happy to call her my girl.
A few months after we start dating, she goes to a local community college and I notice that whenever I would go to pick her up she'd either be in a group with hella guys, or talking to a single guy when I was pulling up. She'd always say she wasn't flirting or anything even if it looked and sounded that way when I came around. She added these guys on her IG, snap, and facebook and tells me they're just friends. And during this time she's still hanging with john, and a few other guy friends when I'm at work, or at school myself. I had asked her many times if her and john ever had prior relations and she always told me no. I remember going to the same community college as her and seeing her doing a lot of flirting. After a few arguments over the next few months she stops flirting with guys at school and completely drops out of college to "take a break". A year or so later on the way back from a job interview she texts John to ask him about the job since he had worked there in the past. Their convo is overly friendly and I ask her, has she ever slept with john after she hangs up the phone. She again tells me no like she always had but this time she hesitates a lil before answering. I can tell she's lying and after pressing her a little more she finally reveals that yes they had slept together a year before I hit her up on IG. This angered me greatly cause she had lied for over a year and I allowed them to hang out. I also found out that during the beginning months of our relationship, she had often asked him to come over to her house when I was at work or at home (he lives down the street from her). Well anyways we argue and eventually she cuts off all contact with him to prove her loyalty and honesty. Flash forward 8 months later and I find out she had been flirting with multiple coworkers even getting sexual emails from a female coworker she had told me was just a friend. We almost broke up and i made her promise to be totally upfront with me from now on. My question is should I trust her? Its been almost 2 years since all of these incidents and from time to time I find her being extra "friendly" with our male coworkers (yes we now work together). I also constantly feel uneasy about her being away from me because I feel she could be up to her flirty Sagittarius ways again. She constantly assures that she isn't flirting anymore and that all that is in the past but how can I be sure? Am I being insecure or am I correct in having trust issues?

Last edited by King_abay; 03-24-2018 at 04:33 AM.. Reason: Proofreading
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Old 03-24-2018, 04:59 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,946 posts, read 7,554,700 times
Reputation: 7729
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Old 03-24-2018, 05:22 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,823 posts, read 19,921,769 times
Reputation: 23235
Forget it. Whether she's flirting, lying or just outgoing and friendly, you'll never trust her.
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Old 03-24-2018, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
5,539 posts, read 9,947,100 times
Reputation: 9056
You'll have better luck in relationships if you stop being such a control freak. Your level of insecurity is not an attractive feature.
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:01 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,370 posts, read 41,922,817 times
Reputation: 83325
Quote:
Originally Posted by King_abay View Post

Now from the beginning I let her know my stance on flirting in relationships and how I felt it was disrespectful to the significant other if you flirted outside the relationship. She told me that I was the first guy she dated to feel this way. She told me she didn't think flirting was a big deal ...
So, you told her your preferences, and she told you what SHE is like, and those stances are different, but you proceed anyway and spend the past few years in an on-again, off-again mess.

It's not meant to be, and you need to let her go and then look within for a bit.

You can't go around trying to make others conform their behavior so that YOU feel better about yourself.
Fixing that is on you.
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:21 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,556,150 times
Reputation: 37911
OOOOoooooo yes, a man who starts a relationship by giving me a unilateral set of rules. Sexy!
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:23 AM
 
17,319 posts, read 10,225,457 times
Reputation: 28847
Move on son.
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:35 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,884 posts, read 20,175,831 times
Reputation: 12423
This relationship is not working for either of you. The biggest problem is your jealousy and insecurity. Time to put it aside and get some professional help. Stop trying to control other people’s behavior. It’s wrong.

She deserves her freedom. Don’t go back.
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:38 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,556,150 times
Reputation: 37911
Quote:
she'd either be in a group with hella guys,
What's a hella guy?

And I'm not sure it's a good idea to try to control who your partner speaks to. Tad controlling.

I'm trying to imagine my dad telling my mom who she gets to have conversations with.
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Old 03-24-2018, 06:51 AM
 
8,099 posts, read 5,303,320 times
Reputation: 9255
Bro. This lady does not want to be your woman or anyone's woman. She wants to sow her oats. She isn't going to stop flirting; she isn't going to change her ways. You need to move on. Let her be and live her life. You two are not compatible.

Remember, change is one of the most difficult things for a human to do. So why are you expecting it from her?
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