Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Everybody wants what they can't have. My mother taught me You cannot chase a man fast enough to catch him. Get the book The Rules and follow them from now on. Its old timey but men have not changed their biology.
The one thing you should have learned over the years, is that he won't change. Is that what you wanted to know? For whatever reason, he's not comfortable with you, long term. Move on, to find someone who IS comfortable with being with you long-term.
I met my ex boyfriend just over 4 years at work. He is 5 years younger and we were besotted with each other from the start. He was with someone when we first started talking but within weeks he broke it off with her and we became inseparable over night. After a year he moved in with me whilst I was selling my house I shared with my ex-husband (ex husband was in France). After a few months he started pulling away, he took me to France for my 30th birthday and 3 days later in bed I asked what was wrong and he told me he didn’t feel the same way about me. The following day he moved out, I was heartbroken. However a few days later he tells me he made a mistake and can’t lose me. I hesitated but had him back. He didn’t move back in with me but rented a room in London. After I thought he was back he kept blowing hot and cold telling me one minute he loves me and the next breaking up with me because he didn’t feel the same way. All the while we still worked together which put a huge strain on our relationship - this went on for 2 years. Then things really started becoming hard. One night whilst we were ‘on’ he slept in a female colleagues hotel room and lied about it, he promised me nothing happened and I had him back. Another time after yet another break up/make up I found a pair of tights that weren’t mine in his washing on the floor.
He then didn’t let me see his friends and family (I haven’t seen any of his side for 2 1/2 years), he blocked me on Facebook because he didn’t want me causing arguments. We only spent 1 to 2 nights a month together and when I told him how upset it made me not spending any real time with him he would tell me my ‘nagging’ about this issue made him keep his distance.
He left his job where we worked together in December and went to his parents for Christmas last year, he didn’t call me on New Years (3rd new year he hadn’t spent with me) so I got upset, on the 3rd of January he told me this relationship makes him feel anxious and broke it off with me. Again I was devastated
I focused on me, detoxed, got fit and spent time with friends and family - we didn’t have any contact until March when he text for my birthday, we went back and forth texting but nothing flirty just catching up. I saw him the following day at a colleagues birthday drinks and we were just like the old days, happy and silly with each other. He then text me a few days after that and I was on cloud nine. I told him how seeing him and the text and stirred up feelings, he admitted he felt the same but thought it best we stay separated. The same night he turns up at a pub I am at with my work, we flirt, we kiss and we end up having sex. Now he’s gone cold again. What do I do?
Laura85, stop and think for a moment. Do you feel you deserve to be treated like this? I hope the answer is NO! He's not interested. Sometimes people just like to go back to what's familiar. Clearly, you're not part of his long term plans so don't waste your time. Every relationship good and bad happens for a reason. You just need to learn from them. Right now, you're his fallback girl. The girl he can always come back to, get into bed and then move on. You know how you want to be treated, so why accept anything less. You are in control of you. Don't give anyone, especially a man that much power over you!!! Tell him to bug off!
Add me to the throng here - have some self respect and think with your brain instead of your emotions. How would you feel if a friend told you she had been treated this way?
Take him at his word and stay apart, because you and he do NOT feel the same way about this. It’s only going to hurt you to stick around.
You do exactly what you did between January 3 and March...during those times you focused on yourself. Then, when/if he comes back again, you can decide if you want another episode of what you've already experienced multiple times. I have a friend with a saying "How many times do you need to be kicked in the butt before you realize it hurts?" Perhaps you're addicted to the drama of the connection...this is very understandable. But if you want something to change, you have to do something different. The more you focus on you (like you did), the more you may be able to see that perhaps you want something more than this person can provide at this time.
Whenever you go along with what someone else wants, when it's not what you also want, you're telling that person, "I want you so much that what you want is more important to me than what I want." And they will agree with you...and keep running the relationship as they want it, because you will always be around or up for it, just to hang on to the mediocrity or the crumbs you're getting.
When you're ready to work on getting the life you really want, this person will probably not seem nearly as tempting. The life you really want will be much more seductive and alluring!
He used you for sex. He jerked you around emotionally. He came and went as he pleased.
Exactly what would constitute enough for you?
Obviously you think there is something amazing about this guy, but guess what? Your wrong. See him for what he is, not who you want him to be.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I guess I just always held out hope that he would change back to the man I fell for who treated me so well in the first 18 months of our relationship.
I never wanted to give up on him, really did/do love him for some strange reason?!
Bad news is, he's playing you for a fool and using you for sex and self-esteem boosting.
Good news is, you've shared it with city data and everyone can tell you to RUN.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura85
I guess I just always held out hope that he would change back to the man I fell for who treated me so well in the first 18 months of our relationship.
I never wanted to give up on him, really did/do love him for some strange reason?!
He will change, and they'll he'll change right back. That's the problem.
The guy changes his mind more than women change shoes. For the sake of your sanity, enough is enough.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
