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My close friend and I travelled together for university abroad. She wanted to leave everything behind and start a new life with me. She was suicidal and miserable, and I promised I'd take care of her.
I paid her flight ticket, her dorm, food and bought her new clothes.
I also covered a bit of her tuition.
I'm not some spoiled, rich kid. This was all from my own salary.(her family's financial situation was bad)
At first everything was fine. Then one night I got drunk. Accidentally, I kissed her neck and I remember her pulling me in closer. However I pushed her off and got aggressive and we ended up fighting. Then 2 of my friends came to see what's going on. Out of anger, I screamed at her "I'm paying everything for you and you don't appreciate anything!"
After this incident,we argued a lot.
She started distancing herself, not wanting us to sleep together in the same bed or cuddle how we used to. She said she was afraid of me. She would get physical sometimes, and pull my hair or bite me so hard she'd leave marks.
She decided to move in with our other friend and we barely spoke. I noticed that she was going around to random people and telling them stories that I've abused and harassed her.
It reached a limit when she once said to me " I hope you die already." I took it really badly because I had attempted earlier with a drug overdose after one of our fights. She was there and she broke down crying asking me not to leave her.
Anyway after she said those words, I lunged at her and we started fighting on the street. Then she started screaming for help and called cops on me.
I stayed away from her after that. And then I started regretting and missing her. I started drinking more and cutting my wrists to repent.
Then I decided to go to her and apologize and try to fix things. She held my hand and said "we tried and it won't work out. I don't want you. I feel nothing for you anymore." When I asked her what I've done to deserve this, she replied "I cared about you. And I was in love with you" after a pause she continued fast "as a friend."
I started crying, she wiped my tears and hugged me.
She also said "im not worth for you to cry over. Why me? And let me teach you something, if someone doesn't want you, don't try to fix it. What's broken once can't be fixed."
She also said she's really over me.
I want to understand, what logical reason would it be for her to do this? I felt hurt that I sacrificed so much and she never appreciated a single thing. I wanted to give her all the things I was deprived of my entire life. I didn't mean to use it against her, but I felt hurt how she never appreciated anything. I did not expect anything from her, just a tad appreciation.
We used to talk everyday. We'd hold hands, cuddle and sleep together. But now she is scared of me.
I feel extremely guilty and upset and I don't know what to do. How can I get her back?
Moderator note: Two threads on the same topic have been merged into this one thread. If any posts appear redundant or out of order, that is the reason.
You are two mentally unhealthy individuals, better apart than together. You cannot get her back, nor should you. Deal with your own issues, and you'll find somebody who doesn't need you to save them, but will be a true partner.
What do you mean, she didn't appreciate anything? What were you expecting from her? Did she thank you for paying her travel and living expenses? Why did you get aggressive with her?
You can't get her back, after the way you behaved with her (on more than one occasion). Are you still in university? If so, go to the counseling center, to talk this out with a mental health care professional. It's a free service. Otherwise, you'll have to pay for it, but it will be worth it. You have a lot of issues to work out with yourself.
Here's some really good advice from your other thread, OP:
Quote:
Both of you seem to have genuinely troubled backgrounds. The fact that her mother beat her up is astounding and alarming.
I came from a similarly troubled background. I was determined not to repeat my parents' mistakes, but I could only do that when I stopped entering romantic relationships. I had been hoping all the time they would fix me.
You cannot fix each other. Take your time to heal, to get well, to face your past and the demons that come with it. Then you will be able to find a romantic partner. I know. I've been happily married for more than 16 years now.
What didn't you get from that other thread which you hope to glean on this thread (creating multiple threads on the same topic is against the terms of service)?
Plenty of good advice on that other thread, yet you ignored them and continued with this girl.
And apparently now you lunged at and attacked this girl.
Please get some professional help, and I have zero sympathy for someone that resorts to violence, especially against women.
I want to understand, what logical reason would it be for her to do this? I felt hurt that I sacrificed so much and she never appreciated a single thing.
Really? Sounds like this was the catalyst:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous97
Accidentally, I kissed her neck and I remember her pulling me in closer. However I pushed her off and got aggressive and we ended up fighting. Then 2 of my friends came to see what's going on. Out of anger, I screamed at her "I'm paying everything for you and you don't appreciate anything!"
The timing and the way you worded it makes it sound like you expected sex from her because you were "paying for everything."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous97
But now she is scared of me.
I'm sure she is. You were violent and out of control.
I agree that you need to forget this friendship and seek professional counseling.
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