Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Depends on the person, stage of relationship, stage of life and more. Also the kind of connection I have with you.
I don’t need constant communication. I need to know a few things - what are we doing next, what is our regular cadence of communication (so I can judge if the pattern is abnormal) and full attention when we are together.
Every other day or so works for me. But don’t be surprised if I send you a quick note if I am thinking about you. Or something funny happened. But I’d look for a couple of sentences of texts or whatever. Not necessarily a long convo.
Some days are really packed and other ones I have more time to chit chat. But I’d rather hang out than chit chat.
Obviously once you are in the living together stage expectations change. As you get more serious communication frequency increases.
Wow, if only I had been smart enough to understand the above, but, alas, I'm not. To dumb to get my shoes on the correct feet 9 times out of 10, even if one is already on...
Oh, sorry, must've hit the sarcasm button by accident. Why yes, it IS something that each individual has to decide is something they do, or do not want in their life. Weigh the positives and the negatives, make compromises even. How very astute of you to point this out... to someone who pointed out they've been dealing with this for over 2 decades and still happily married to a person they love. One might make the assumption that said person has already understood and resolved their own situation.
But thanks for explaining it to me. I can assure you that I gained absolutely nothing from your post (well, it managed to annoy with the condescending tone, so Congratulations!)... maybe someone else did/will?
Right, it's obvious as you mentioned you'd been married a long time you've found a way to handle this. Though also true that some folks spend decades in marriages where they continuously resent their partner for something and never bring it up...but *shrug*...not my place to judge, we all have options in how we handle anything.
But just because YOU have enough common sense that my post came off as condescending...man, look around you at this forum. Common sense, it is not always common. You know?
Personally, if something I were doing like wanting to talk on the phone at lunch every day, were annoying to my partner, rather than endearing, I would prefer he mention that "Hey, I'd rather not do that. Could we change what we are doing here?" because I prefer not to annoy my loved one. It's more important to me than whatever preference I might otherwise have for that daily phone call. But of course I wouldn't tell someone else to do something just because of some idea like that, I can't project my own preferences onto others. At least I try not to.
Once committed.. why do you generally have to talk to your partner every single day?
I'm sure there are some couples where this is not the case, but few.
As I get older and more "complete" in myself, I have a lesser desire to be in constant communication with people. Even when I really like them. I also find myself enjoying freedom and independence more than following rules to make a relationship work. Maybe I'll be single for life? I dunno.
But back to the original question. Why is it even necessary to be in CONSTANT communication with someone just because you are having regular sex with them?
Do not have daily communication and see what happens.
In my own life, I've found this to be true: "What we resist, persists." So if you explore how you really feel about this communication issue, and find the negativity, you'll probably find what is really there. It might be a fear of being needed, that someone will expect too much of you, more than you want to give. It might be that you begin to feel very uncomfortable the deeper you go into relationships, as you only want to know the other person in a limited way, and you don't want to be known. It could be that you feel that if someone really got to know you, they wouldn't love you. It could be anything, really! But I believe it's something negative, because it wouldn't bother you, what another person wants, unless you utterly disliked providing it. And when we dislike something...there's a reason!
You are right about the bold stuff. Wrong about everything else.
As far as WHY I don't like providing it. Simply because I like a certain amount of space and freedom in my life.
The feeling of "constant" communication and even "drama" is when the other person initiates and introduces topics independently. It's a control thing, and an interest thing. If the OP really looked forward to hearing from the other person, they wouldn't perceive it as constant communication or an annoyance. If they really really wanted to get to know and know the mind of their partner/lover and loved engaging with them, they wouldn't see these other topics as "drama". Its just control issues and lack of sincere interest issues.
You're making a lot of assumptions and painting with a broad brush.
There is no "one size fits all" relationship protocol where if you don't ALWAYS want to talk to someone it means you're not interested in them.
That's actually a very limited and even absurd way of thinking.
So, Chriz, I am thinking of this casual fling guy I was involved with for a bit. I would have had no problem with what we had going on, occasionally getting together for an evening of conversation, maybe food, fun sex, and then parting ways. Would have been ok a couple times a week, or every two weeks, or every several months. No big deal.
IF I'd known what it was he was wanting to do (honesty, not game), and IF he'd been a bit more respectful of my time. This is where the communication comes in. He would simply text me out of nowhere and expect I'd be free anytime. But in the absence of any plan-making in advance, I would make plans of my own and my schedule would fill up. So really, the only thing I would have wished for there, was an effort at letting me know when we might get together next, rather than appearing to expect I had no other life besides waiting by the phone for him to desire my company. Respect my time a little.
But see, he came right out of the gates saying he was looking for "love" and at first wanting to get together twice a week, or so he said. Then soon he was saying he only wanted a casual thing, and backing it off to "well...maybe every couple of weeks." Completely unwilling to make any kind of a plan at all for getting together at any point in the future, just inviting me over last minute like I've got nothing else going on. Funny thing is, I haven't seen him in over 2 years, and he still occasionally texts and says we should get together for coffee or something. I'm like, "sure, let me know when you're free" and then I hear nothing for like 6 months. Then another "Hey how are ya, we should get together"...
I really don't get it. But I just accepted that the guy is flaky, confusing, and a player of games, a long time ago, and wrote him off. *shrug*
I guess the reason I talk about this here, is that I strongly suspect that, like you, he assumes that no woman (or at least not an attractive one?) is going to go for his offer of casual sex. That he has to game us, to get what he wants. In at least my case, and also the cases of a few other ladies I know, honesty would have been better received.
Once committed.. why do you generally have to talk to your partner every single day?
I'm sure there are some couples where this is not the case, but few.
As I get older and more "complete" in myself, I have a lesser desire to be in constant communication with people. Even when I really like them. I also find myself enjoying freedom and independence more than following rules to make a relationship work. Maybe I'll be single for life? I dunno.
But back to the original question. Why is it even necessary to be in CONSTANT communication with someone just because you are having regular sex with them?
I don't think constant communication is necessary, although there are some that might think it important.
But regular communication, every few days....because
Life turns on a dime...the unexpected could happen at any time.
Talking to someone everyday is a bit much and you should have some me time so the relationship can stay fresh.
Well I don't know much about it either, having only been married for 30 years, but I talk to my wife every morning when we get up, and every evening after I come home from work. Seems pretty natural to me.
When we were dating we would say things like "gee, we ought to give ourselves a little breather - how about we don't talk for four or five days" and then in a day or two one or the other would be calling and saying "I miss you, you want to come over?"
If you don't want to talk to each other frequently, maybe you aren't really that interested in each other.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
