Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why is he immature? There is a difference between aging naturally and not giving a crap about your looks anymore.
She let herself go after she felt secure enough in the relationship and didn't put any effort into looking good for her partner anymore and he should just find her sexy despite that?
I think they did the right thing in breaking up. He lost attraction for her. End of story.
I agree. I don't see him having done anything wrong here really. Yes, he was shallow, but at the same gaining weight is something that will impact "attraction". If part of her gaining weight is that he loses attraction, I think that's only fair.
Why is he immature? There is a difference between aging naturally and not giving a crap about your looks anymore.
She let herself go after she felt secure enough in the relationship and didn't put any effort into looking good for her partner anymore and he should just find her sexy despite that?
I think they did the right thing in breaking up. He lost attraction for her. End of story.
I kinda gotta agree with this. I don't think OP is a jerk, he was just blindsided when she ultimately pulled the plug on the relationship. But on the other hand, I think it takes both people to make sure to stay the same person who you fell in love with. People often settle and let themselves go, stop going on dates, basically stop doing the things that made them both fall in love and it can take its toll on a relationship. It takes two to tango. But in the end, they both had certain goals that the other didn't share. Having kids is a major deal and you can't force that. OP wanted to travel and see the world. Having kids will change all of that. Sadly, OP is in the phase where he kinda wanted to break up with her, but then when she did it and pulled the plug, now he's looking back and the "what-if's". It's hard on a guy when a break-up happens, especially if you lived together....when she moves out, no guy wants to still be in that apt will all the good memories were at.
In the end it just didn't work out and it'll be better for the OP and a lesson learned for the next relationship. OP, it's going to suck the next couple of months, I'm not going to sugarcoat that at all. But when you're ready to get out there, you'll be ready and good to go and meet a girl who has the same goals as you. And you have to remember, if you and your ex didn't have the same goals...if you'd have continued the relationship, it was doomed to fail one day. Be glad you got out now instead of wasting more time with someone who isn't on your playing field.
Last edited by sonnymarkjiz; 04-09-2018 at 11:53 AM..
Hmmm... Is OP the victim of Bait and Switch? Or does age, level of comfort, and stress factor in?
Perhaps she sees you as less attractive due to the reasons you stated above, and so just decided to chunk you.
I kinda gotta agree with this. I don't think OP is a jerk, he was just blindsided when she ultimately pulled the plug on the relationship. But on the other hand, I think it takes both people to make sure to stay the same person who you fell in love with. People often settle and let themselves go, stop going on dates, basically stop doing the things that made them both fall in love and it can take its toll on a relationship. It takes two to tango. But in the end, they both had certain goals that the other didn't share. Having kids is a major deal and you can't force that. OP wanted to travel and see the world. Having kids will change all of that. Sadly, OP is in the phase where he kinda wanted to break up with her, but then when she did it and pulled the plug, now he's looking back and the "what-if's". It's hard on a guy when a break-up happens, especially if you lived together....when she moves out, no guy wants to still be in that apt will all the good memories were at.
In the end it just didn't work out and it'll be better for the OP and a lesson learned for the next relationship. OP, it's going to suck the next couple of months, I'm not going to sugarcoat that at all. But when you're ready to get out there, you'll be ready and good to go and meet a girl who has the same goals as you. And you have to remember, if you and your ex didn't have the same goals...if you'd have continued the relationship, it was doomed to fail one day. Be glad you got out now instead of wasting more time with someone who isn't on your playing field.
This was very helpful, and I think it's spot on. I will say that I had a feeling the breakup was coming (we'd been in a break for 2 months, which she'd wanted after I'd told her my fears of commitment), and she told me last week she wanted to talk, so I kind of anticipated it. I also think I'd be feeling this way even if I'd been the one to ultimately pull the plug. I really, really loved her (yes, even though I didn't always find her to be sexually attractive, I still loved her deeply)...we shared an amazing emotional connection.
I think I'm just getting clouded by a huge wave of nostalgia. Thinking back to all of the places we've been, things we did together, the way she laughed, her smell, the shows we'd watch together, you get the idea. I wish we didn't both still love each other as this would probably be a lot easier.
Filling the hole she left emotionally, will take a while but realistically, you didn't do much to convince her during the 2 months separation, and that is why, she heroically informed you that you two are breaking up, as opposed to ghosting away from the relationship.
But from a practical point of view, this was the right time to break up. It was apparent that you both wanted different things in a different timeline, and neither was willing to adjust to the other's ideas of what should be happening.
You mention about strong love and maybe you had that, but it wasn't the same love that is present in a relationship. It might be the kind of love you have for a partner that you didn't dislike, but you're not in love with anymore either. As a result, it feels like a sad end to the relationship because both of you didn't hate each other towards the end, but it wasn't going to end up in a marriage either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is OP the victim of Bait and Switch? Or does age, level of comfort, and stress factor in?
