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Now as for what Ruth said - ITA. I always hated "big" first dates. They implied that something was to be given in return. Something was owed. Maybe that wasn't how it was supposed to come off but it did. I always appreciated something low key for a first date, with a lot of talking. Coffee or lunch were perfect.
Many things to learn from this incident as the comments show.
First, skip the dinners on a first date. Keep it simple like a coffee meeting.
Second, guy made the huge but common mistake of assuming that because he liked her, she must have liked him, which led to another common mistake, schedules a second date way too soon.
Third, yes, ghosting sucks, but it is what it is. Guy should have just let it go and not be such a pretty loser by sending an invoice. What the heck does that prove?
I'm in the camp that feels that it was really bad that he sent her an invoice and also feels that it was really bad that she posted on Twitter about it. I don't feel that it was bad that she ghosted him, even though I don't like ghosting. Mostly because it was 1 date and ghosting after 1-3 dates online is how both men and women convey that they are not interested these days. Ghosting is disappearing without saying a word. Not one word, not even a warning. Ghosting after you've been dating for a while, or God forbid, married, is not cool at all. I don't think Ghosting after being married ever happens. I understand Ghosting after 1 date, because there are some crazies out there and you can get a vibe from them on the date that they are going to be one of those, so ghosting just seems safer. I also think she shouldn't have let him pay for her if she knew she didn't like him.
I would totally put this on social media! Do something that stupid and you deserve a little notoriety!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
Do people really consider it ghosting after one date? You haven’t even had time to connect with someone.
It is one thing if you don’t contact them to go out of your way to reject them. Another for them to ask you a direct question about going out again and you just not respond. I have no issue with the former (in fact I’m going to that to a date I had last night) I have an issue with the latter.
That loser needs to pay for her own meals. If she isnt interested in the poor guy then she shouldnt be expecting him to give her a free meal.
This attitude is why many women, like me, prefer to avoid dinner "dates," or if we do have one, we furtively request separate checks. Because that "free" meal clearly is anything but. I'll pass, thanks.
In any case, she might have attempted to pay for her own meal, for all you know, and he refused to let her.
Do people really consider it ghosting after one date? You haven’t even had time to connect with someone.
No, I do not think that qualifies as ghosting at all. I think that is a total misuse of the term. There has to be some type of relationship happening before it’s “ghosting.” This was someone just not interested in a second date. Would have been polite to say “no thank you” but after one date, there was no obligation to do so.
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