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Been through it a couple of times, didn't really have any lasting benefits. I imagine it only works when both people are willing to focus on changes they need to make on themselves. Each time I started out willing to try making changes, but lost enthusiasm when I felt I was not seeing any effort from my SO to do the same.
It definitely will NOT work if you go into it looking for someone to team up with you and join in telling your partner what they are doing wrong.
I've been on both sides of the fence. It is for more than preservation against divorce. What has been stated already cannot be emphasized enough: it requires equal work from both parties; it is not an opportunity for 2 to gang up on one; it can reveal a lack of match; it can be a wonderful benefit to see a third party with objectivity. In my clinical group, I'm known as the 'couples' therapist, and I work with hetero and homosexual couples.
Maintaining cohesion in a couple is hard work. One person's resistance makes in nary impossible. I've recommended for benefit and I've recommended for divorce. Life isn't about suffering. Couples work requires dynamic processes, and I find it akin to group therapy or a personality projective. And sometimes, the presented issue is NOT for professional counseling. That's not always an easy decision to make, though I've encouraged thoughtful dialogue, which offers even more benefit than can be believed.
Only as a requirement to get married. Holy smokes, it was boring. Basically, we spent something like four Wednesday nights having "Communicate with one another" drilled into our heads. It was valuable advice but could have been covered in about twenty seconds.
The poor couple who ran the seminar literally kept a list of topics on their refrigerator. When they ran out of things to talk about, they'd walk into the kitchen, choose one, and talk about that.
Only as a requirement to get married. Holy smokes, it was boring. Basically, we spent something like four Wednesday nights having "Communicate with one another" drilled into our heads. It was valuable advice but could have been covered in about twenty seconds.
The poor couple who ran the seminar literally kept a list of topics on their refrigerator. When they ran out of things to talk about, they'd walk into the kitchen, choose one, and talk about that.
We went. I was underwhelmed by the counselor herself but it wouldn't have made a difference. He thought her job was to adjudicate our disputes. He had no interest in considering another point of view. He just wanted me to be someone I was not. 13 years later I still think I made the right decision. Never a regret.
I (we) have considered it. But I asked my wife if she would be willing to make any changes and she was shocked, obviously she is perfect.
Her expectation is/was that the counselor would totally take her side on any and everything and tell me that I am wrong. When I explained it doesn't work like that then she told me to go alone, which I didn't-no point.
On the flip side of the coin, I know at least two counselors very well and their own personal life is a mess. So not sure if I can rely on them to sort mine out.
"Couple's" counseling is really woman's counseling, because that's whose side the counselor always takes. It doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman. I, as a man, have absolutely nothing to gain from "couple's" counseling. I don't want two people---my SO and the counselor---sitting there and blaming me for everything. If I want gaslighting, I'll look at historic streetlights, rather than some quack's office with diplomas on the walls. Probably obtained from a diploma mill or something.
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