Struggling to Understand What He Sees In Me (Christian, men, older)
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I'm a few years younger than he is (it's ok because I like older men and I am over 18.)
He's very established in his career as he owns his own successful business of 20 years.
I will be graduating with my second Master's this May. All he knows is that I'm in school but he doesn't know that it's my second degree however, and that I have other credentials, including a newly incorporated non-profit and that I will be working on my Phd soon. I'm quite private unless asked.
He has a beautiful million dollar home and I live in an apt.
He has tons of friends. I have none. He is quite popular. I don't mind being a loner as it's my natural way. I'm ok with my own company. Always have been.
He's very well-traveled and speaks several languages. I have traveled some but not nearly as much as him.
He is very handsome and can have any woman. I don't think I'm too bad in that dept. and try to keep myself up. I take pride in my appearance.
He is very outgoing and I am painfully shy sometimes in social situations, and almost always when interacting with males.
We met some time ago at a professional education course and he came up to me when it was over and asked if we could keep in touch. I'm guessing the only thing that could have even made him look my way was my knowledge on the topic and the thoughts I shared with the group during the q&a session. He is a man of great intellect and doesn't appear to want a stupid or shallow woman by any means whatsoever.
Last week we talked on the phone mainly about educational stuff and I think I blew it. The confident woman that he met at the training was gone and the shy stuttering 12 year old girl made an appearance. I was reticent and unable to articulate. Needless to say I was so embarassed. He didn't seem to mind too much as he kept asking for us to talk again soon but I have yet to schedule another call because he just intimidates me so much.
I also did some snooping on his FB and a woman he was dealing with recently seemed to be his perfect match. She has education, her own home, and money. Something I don't have much of yet.
I don't get the sense that he's a bad guy or anything but I do sense that status and all that really matters to him and while I also do think there is some genuine interest in me, I can't get over feeling like I just don't measure up.
I think what he sees in you is that you think he's God. His peers probably don't. He knows he is aging and on the downswing so he needs this to boost himself at least for now.
My answer would be different if you had not described your interactions the way you did. Like literally stuttering. Any guy who wants someone this crippled with insecurity has his reasons and a mutually respectful association with growth potential is not among them.
This is a bit more harsh than my impression, but there are similarities.
OP, you sound quite in awe of this man, and that's got to be very flattering. Take it slowly, and see how he reacts when you behave with a bit more confidence, particularly in terms of talking yourself, and not just listening. He may be a perfect gentleman, but you do want to make sure he's interested in having a partner, and not simply an adoring audience.
I'm a few years younger than he is (it's ok because I like older men and I am over 18.)
He's very established in his career as he owns his own successful business of 20 years.
I will be graduating with my second Master's this May. All he knows is that I'm in school but he doesn't know that it's my second degree however, and that I have other credentials, including a newly incorporated non-profit and that I will be working on my Phd soon. I'm quite private unless asked.
He has a beautiful million dollar home and I live in an apt.
He has tons of friends. I have none. He is quite popular. I don't mind being a loner as it's my natural way. I'm ok with my own company. Always have been.
He's very well-traveled and speaks several languages. I have traveled some but not nearly as much as him.
He is very handsome and can have any woman. I don't think I'm too bad in that dept. and try to keep myself up. I take pride in my appearance.
He is very outgoing and I am painfully shy sometimes in social situations, and almost always when interacting with males.
We met some time ago at a professional education course and he came up to me when it was over and asked if we could keep in touch. I'm guessing the only thing that could have even made him look my way was my knowledge on the topic and the thoughts I shared with the group during the q&a session. He is a man of great intellect and doesn't appear to want a stupid or shallow woman by any means whatsoever.
Last week we talked on the phone mainly about educational stuff and I think I blew it. The confident woman that he met at the training was gone and the shy stuttering 12 year old girl made an appearance. I was reticent and unable to articulate. Needless to say I was so embarassed. He didn't seem to mind too much as he kept asking for us to talk again soon but I have yet to schedule another call because he just intimidates me so much.
I also did some snooping on his FB and a woman he was dealing with recently seemed to be his perfect match. She has education, her own home, and money. Something I don't have much of yet.
I don't get the sense that he's a bad guy or anything but I do sense that status and all that really matters to him and while I also do think there is some genuine interest in me, I can't get over feeling like I just don't measure up.
Keep in mind that opposites attract. The fact that he's outgoing and you're shy also means you probably have qualities that he doesn't that he sees in you.
I wouldn't worry about the money variance....men that are attracted to a female are very impractical and don't worry about how much money you have.
One caution is that he may see you as someone he can dominate so don't let that happen if you see that he wants to do that.
I think what he sees in you is that you think he's God. His peers probably don't. He knows he is aging and on the downswing so he needs this to boost himself at least for now.
My answer would be different if you had not described your interactions the way you did. Like literally stuttering. Any guy who wants someone this crippled with insecurity has his reasons and a mutually respectful association with growth potential is not among them.
Thank you, JerZ.
This is very interesting. I never thought about it from this angle.
This is a bit more harsh than my impression, but there are similarities.
OP, you sound quite in awe of this man, and that's got to be very flattering. Take it slowly, and see how he reacts when you behave with a bit more confidence, particularly in terms of talking yourself, and not just listening. He may be a perfect gentleman, but you do want to make sure he's interested in having a partner, and not simply an adoring audience.
Thanks, Catgirl64.
Right. I don't intend to rush things and quite honestly if this never goes anywhere, I am ok with that too. For all I know this could simply be an life lesson/exercise leading up to the real thing...when I will be in a place where I am more confident and truly ready for a life partner.
Keep in mind that opposites attract. The fact that he's outgoing and you're shy also means you probably have qualities that he doesn't that he sees in you.
I wouldn't worry about the money variance....men that are attracted to a female are very impractical and don't worry about how much money you have.
One caution is that he may see you as someone he can dominate so don't let that happen if you see that he wants to do that.
Thank you, American Expat.
I do think my shy side appeals to him. Funny, in business he's very assertive but I also sense that when it comes to relationships, he can be quite passive like myself. When we talked on the phone I kept getting this sense that he wanted to say more -- something other than business but couldn't, but perhaps I'm wrong or maybe he was just going off of my energy. He is a very strong personality so I know that he can be very dominant. He even realized it halfway thru the conversation that he was doing so much talking and apologized and asked me to share my thoughts. Let's just say I've got some thinking to do.
Last edited by MakeLoveNotWar; 04-30-2018 at 05:32 AM..
I'm confused. OP says at the beginning, she's only a few years younger than him. How did everyone get they're like 20 years apart?
OP, have you been out on a date with him? How do those usually go?
Hahaha I don't know! The conversation just kept rolling. He's less than twenty years older than me.
No, I haven't been out with him yet. He did mention that he would be hosting another educational training in a few weeks, that I am free to attend if I'd like, but I'm not sure though.
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