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I'm confused. OP says at the beginning, she's only a few years younger than him. How did everyone get they're like 20 years apart?
OP, have you been out on a date with him? How do those usually go?
I think perhaps because she is in school - this could technically be any age but she just comes off as really young and unsure of himself - and the fact that she said he has already owned his current business for 20 years.
What is th a age difference, OP? Or...more to the point, what are your ages?
Just want to add I smiled when I saw your user name MakeLoveNotWar as I'm a product of that era ......had a bumper sticker on my 1966 Chevy Caprice that said that....
I think perhaps because she is in school - this could technically be any age but she just comes off as really young and unsure of himself - and the fact that she said he has already owned his current business for 20 years.
What is th a age difference, OP? Or...more to the point, what are your ages?
Hi JerZ,
I'd rather not. Thank you. Just know that we are both over the age of 18.
Just want to add I smiled when I saw your user name MakeLoveNotWar as I'm a product of that era ......had a bumper sticker on my 1966 Chevy Caprice that said that....
Now that I've gotten to know myself better I will say that I often struggle with arrested development particularly where men/relationships are concerned. Even as a child I have always been ultra shy, something I still wrestle with today. Compound that with my Christian upbringing, fierce loner attitude, and it can be a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to work through it but it's hard. When he asked me to talk again, I was shocked because I just knew for sure that he would dump me after the first call with me being so quiet and all. So because he wants to continue it's possible he does in fact have less than good intentions and there is another angle here.
Now that I've gotten to know myself better I will say that I often struggle with arrested development particularly where men/relationships are concerned. Even as a child I have always been ultra shy, something I still wrestle with today. Compound that with my Christian upbringing, fierce loner attitude, and it can be a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to work through it but it's hard. When he asked me to talk again, I was shocked because I just knew for sure that he would dump me after the first call with me being so quiet and all. So because he wants to continue it's possible he does in fact have less than good intentions and there is another angle here.
How exactly are you trying to work through it?
The more you write, a different kind of picture emerges. I do remember responding to some of your posts from YEARS ago (maybe 2012? when my username was Wmsn4Life) and you still were dealing with the same issues. That's a LONG time, when you're an adult.
I know shyness is part of who we are, but we also have to be willing to make ourselves vulnerable in order to connect with people.
Based on your posts, you obviously are attractive enough that men seek you out. But your reactions to them have kept you from making meaningful connections.
Are you working with a therapist? It sounds like you need to figure out if you are using your shyness as a shield to keep people away. The point of figuring out the personality quirks we all have is to work WITH and AROUND them to bond with others. The biggest mistake people make is to use those traits as an excuse to not do the real work it takes to have relationships.
I am an outgoing introvert, and trust me, I'd rather stay home and hate people all day long. But I know from experience that it's not good for me to isolate myself.
If you feel uncomfortable talking, which seems to have always been a problem for you, then take steps to work on that, whether it's joining a group like Toastmasters etc. You also could communicate with him in writing more if you are more comfortable doing that. But you need to let people in and not just withhold all the time.
OP, the best advice I can offer here is that each poster is going to come with their own mix of baggage to the table and apply it to your scenario. Be wary of this.
Without knowing the guy, his motivations could range from finding your sweetness and intelligence and fresh perspective on life refreshing. Or he could just be an older horn-dog....or anything in-between.
If you look around you'll find relations that end badly because of the age gap but you'll also find some that worked out.
Sounds like your relationship with them is just starting if he knows so little about you.
What always helped me make determinations about people is to see how they treat others, especially those that screw up like if a waiter jacks up your order etc. or those that he doesn't have to be nice to. Following that up, you'll learn more about his past relationships and so forth and see if you fit any sort of pattern etc.
Lastly, take it for what it is. If you're at a place where you enjoy the guys company and aren't looking for that one person to spend your life with then time spent here could be a growth opportunity for yourself. Then just take it as it comes and
if in a year you feel differently then you can bail on the situation.
The more you write, a different kind of picture emerges. I do remember responding to some of your posts from YEARS ago (maybe 2012? when my username was Wmsn4Life) and you still were dealing with the same issues. That's a LONG time, when you're an adult.
I know shyness is part of who we are, but we also have to be willing to make ourselves vulnerable in order to connect with people.
Based on your posts, you obviously are attractive enough that men seek you out. But your reactions to them have kept you from making meaningful connections.
Are you working with a therapist? It sounds like you need to figure out if you are using your shyness as a shield to keep people away. The point of figuring out the personality quirks we all have is to work WITH and AROUND them to bond with others. The biggest mistake people make is to use those traits as an excuse to not do the real work it takes to have relationships.
I am an outgoing introvert, and trust me, I'd rather stay home and hate people all day long. But I know from experience that it's not good for me to isolate myself.
If you feel uncomfortable talking, which seems to have always been a problem for you, then take steps to work on that, whether it's joining a group like Toastmasters etc. You also could communicate with him in writing more if you are more comfortable doing that. But you need to let people in and not just withhold all the time.
Hi, I remember you.
Unfortunately, I have been dealing with this for sometime and it's exhausting now to say the least. I've been working through it by recently connecting with an old mentor/life coach but not an actual therapist. Someone else suggested this too.
You are correct in your assessment and the way I've dealt with men in the past/currently. I do think I've improved a smidge but obviously it's not enough. I also don't have much dating hx and my sister thinks that was a bad decision. I hope to be in a better place soon and learn to really push past my shyness.
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