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A lot of people use OLD to get some side action, so I did my due diligence however I could. I had absolutely zero interest in being a side piece.
Never had any dates or anyone showing interest outside of OLD since my divorce though. Hopefully, in such a situation, it would have been clear through whatever interaction we had.
No, I never ask if she's in relationship. I give her the benefit of the doubt in telling me that she's not available if I ask her out and she is seeing someone else.
Make no mistake about it, I won't pursue women that I know or even have an inkling or the slightest suspicion are taken. If I ask her out, she says yes and then I find out she's seeing someone? That's the end of that, right then and there.
The only time I've run into this problem where I asked someone out, she agreed to it and didn't tell me about her relationship, was with a girl who was married, told me when we started seeing each other that she was separated, but still living with her husband because she had no place to go, but they were in different rooms and had kids together, she didn't wanna leave, etc. Only what I came to find out (not completely confirmed) was that her being ''Separated'' was really very recent at the time it happened, which she exaggerated that it had been months, when it was probably weeks and she eventually went back to him and acted very hesitant and guilty about cheating when we almost hooked up. That was the end of that and neither of us pursued things further. After that episode I really felt that there was more going on than she was telling me. I'm speculating that her and her husband had a fight, they were ''split'' for a couple weeks or more than likely, she started seeing me very briefly, then felt guilty and she went back to him. I felt guilty just making out with her on the last night that I saw her, as I was becoming very skeptical of what was really going on here. But I was giving her the benefit of the doubt that they really were split, but I'm not sure they were. If I knew for sure, I wouldn't have pursued or went out with her a few times or any of that.
Based on my own experience—the men that have pursued me didn’t care whether I was single or in a relationship. In fact I’ve been approached when I’m out with my son(evidence that I could be married, or in a relationship).
Of course I'd want to know the guy I was "pursuing" was not taken.
If I discovered he was I'd certainly stop pursuing.
But I'd assume in this case he'd have told me already. I wouldn't have to figure it out for myself. Any guy worth his salt will say "I have a girlfriend" if some other woman indicates she wants to date him.
To me, yes. It is like taking a math exam. If you are not sure about the material, there is a high chance that you will fail. Just like she has a bfd or she is not interested in you. But after you make sure that she is single, there is a higher chance you will succeed and you can go and persue her. And this is also more ethical tbh.
Someone mentioned having dinner with a woman--which can mean anything. Yes, I looked him up on FB and found out they're engaged so then I knew. A friend of mine looked up a guy who seemed to be friendly and found out some details about him that turned her off. Women need to be prepared if a man asks for her number etc. why not utilize social media to research someone?
I ask..... BUT.... women seldom give a direct and honest answer to the question.
Their answer is most often somewhat ambiguous.
Actually, this speaks to the poor state of fidelity in the modern age.
Sad really.
What are you talking about? I lie about having a boyfriend to get rid of unwanted male suitors. I have yet to meet someone who is in a relationship hiding far fact. But plenty will claim vein attached because it seems to be a way to get to leave me alone faster (and safer) than saying I am not interested
When I was dating, after a divorce, there was no internet. Once, just once, I was going out with a man who lied about being married. I can't remember how I found out but I was furious.
After that I only dated people who were introduced by friends.
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