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The thing is, by letting a man show genuine interest in her, I think a woman IS exercising agency. A woman taking "control" by pursuing a man who isn't interested enough in her to initiate, or maintain, communication, doesn't really put her in control of anything where that man is concerned. That's a truth that many of us women have learned about love and dating.
No, I'm afraid that I, a "feminist," believes that it's best to just let men be. They'll take action -- if they want to badly enough.
A woman pursuing and getting Tarzan does not put her in charge of anything either.
I don't know about other men but I don't boss women around and I don't expect women to try to boss me around. She walks beside me, not in front of me and not behind me.
OP, if you like the guy, let him know. I've had women seem to like me but who didn't make the first move because they were not available or I was not available. This guy may be thinking you are not available. Then again, he may not be available. Only one way to find out. Or he may be available but has choices. In which case, make the choice for him.
A woman pursuing and getting Tarzan does not put her in charge of anything either.
I don't know about other men but I don't boss women around and I don't expect women to try to boss me around. She walks beside me, not in front of me and not behind me.
?. I'm sorry; where did I suggest that a woman be "in charge" of a man? I said the exact opposite.
The other poster's argument was, I think, that, if women want to "have agency" in their relationships (other people often often use the phrase "take control"), they should ask men out. I only meant that a woman doesn't have agency in her relationships simply by pursuing a man who hasn't bothered to pursue her, though it may appear that way.
When it comes to dating, some/many women, no matter how "modern," have found the traditional path best. I, for one, am not the slightest bit interested in being "in charge" of a man. No, thanks.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 05-05-2018 at 06:16 AM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieneke
Exactly! Jane wants Tarzan, not someone who "identifies" with Tarzan.
Did someone trans steal a bf or gf from you? You have a very unhealthy addiction and obsession with bringing up trans folks in posts that have nothing to do with trans issues.
Give nonverbal cues that your interested—eye contact, smiling if he looks your way, and be receptive to any signs of interest that he shows you so that you can reciprocate. But I don’t believe that Jane should pursue Tarzan(asking him out, or telling him upfront that you like him). If he’s interested, he’ll pursue you—especially once you give him the cues that you are open to him talking to you. If he chooses not to then Jane should probably move on.
^^^^ My sentiments, exactly.
It's has not gone well for me the times I've taken the initiative to approach a man, or calling him first. In my experience they've either: 1) backed off, and seemed turned off, or 2) become overly aggressive, assuming I was going to be an easy lay.
Many women have had similar experiences.
Therefore, I don't believe in making the first move. If he can't approach me, then he's not the man for me.
If Jane wants Tarzan, then Jane should egg up and ask Tarzan out.
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