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Old 05-09-2018, 03:24 PM
 
11 posts, read 7,091 times
Reputation: 19

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My partner has been married twice before. We've been together for 3 years. He told me when we first got together that his best friend's ex girlfriend was flirting with him. He told me he would shut her down. He said he did.
Fast forward to now. His best friend is back with that woman. We ran into them at lunch. She was a complete bi*ch. I was dress in yoga clothes and looked like ****. She was all decked out and even wearing sunglasses in the restaurant.
I was fine. I got through it. But I was seriously feeling insecure and internally struggling knowing my partner had interest in her and he said at that time that he didn't pursue because of his best friend.
Well, he told them "boy, we never do anything fun anymore (me and my partner) we are always working or traveling to see her son, we just don't do anything anymore that is enjoyable".
I wanted to strangle him. When we got in the car he said that I looked angry. I said well you made it sound like our relationship was awful and then you know that woman was hitting on you when we met.
He said she's very cocky and she is after more high profile men. "If she was the last woman to date, I wouldn't date her"
I said WAIT. Why would you ever say that to me? We are TOGETHER. Supposed to be married. And you say you wouldn't date her?
Am I sensitive? Am I right to be angry. I am very upset.... and I want to collapse in a hole.
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:29 PM
 
30,902 posts, read 33,003,025 times
Reputation: 26919
Okay...I don't think feeling jealous was out of line, as long as you realize that you probably did overreact as a result of that.

He said something dumb, for sure, but I really doubt it was meant to make you feel worse. It could even have been this girl's negative energy and/or his discomfort (because he doesn't like her interest) that made him blurt something stupid.

I'd apologize. I realize you're upset but DON'T collapse into a hole and don't let this swallow you up. He's with you, not her. He was trying to navigate a seriously uncomfortable situation and he blurted stuff out. I know it's hard but try to see that from his perspective. He probably wanted to crawl into a hole too, the whole time.

This girl needs to get a hobby. Like biking. Or scrapbooking. Or effing off.
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:30 PM
 
11 posts, read 7,091 times
Reputation: 19
Well she was there with his best friend and he told me he said we don’t have any fun anymore because he wanted him to invite us to hang out with them.

I don’t want to hang out with this woman. And i am struggling.

He says he has no remorse over what he said. And i should just deal with it.
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:31 PM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,728,906 times
Reputation: 54735
Yes. Sensitive, immature and jealous.

He said what he said because he could see that, and was trying to reassure you as he would a child.

Think about it. A chance encounter in a restaurant turned into an existential relationship crisis for you. Is this a pattern?
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:33 PM
 
11 posts, read 7,091 times
Reputation: 19
No. I was absolutely on my best behavior. I disagree. And he has been telling me we don’t have any fun because he’s broke and he wants me to pay for any extra activities. And wants me to hook him up with high profile people. The problem is this is how he acts when i do. I get treated like dirt.
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:35 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,764 posts, read 19,972,298 times
Reputation: 43163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Socrazed View Post
My partner has been married twice before. We've been together for 3 years. He told me when we first got together that his best friend's ex girlfriend was flirting with him. He told me he would shut her down. He said he did.
Fast forward to now. His best friend is back with that woman. We ran into them at lunch. She was a complete bi*ch. I was dress in yoga clothes and looked like ****. She was all decked out and even wearing sunglasses in the restaurant.
I was fine. I got through it. But I was seriously feeling insecure and internally struggling knowing my partner had interest in her and he said at that time that he didn't pursue because of his best friend.
Well, he told them "boy, we never do anything fun anymore (me and my partner) we are always working or traveling to see her son, we just don't do anything anymore that is enjoyable".
I wanted to strangle him. When we got in the car he said that I looked angry. I said well you made it sound like our relationship was awful and then you know that woman was hitting on you when we met.
He said she's very cocky and she is after more high profile men. "If she was the last woman to date, I wouldn't date her"
I said WAIT. Why would you ever say that to me? We are TOGETHER. Supposed to be married. And you say you wouldn't date her?
Am I sensitive? Am I right to be angry. I am very upset.... and I want to collapse in a hole.
Wait a minute. He is contradicting himself.


I think you are overreacting but I get your point. I wouldn't want to hang out with her either.


Was she a biatchy person overall or just with you? Does she still try to hit on your bf?
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:39 PM
 
11 posts, read 7,091 times
Reputation: 19
I don’t know. She was rough. Barefly shook my hand.

And i don’t know if he has been hit on. He would never tell me. But he did try to look her up on Facebook the other day when he heard they were back together and he had her blocked
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:43 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,764 posts, read 19,972,298 times
Reputation: 43163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Socrazed View Post
No. I was absolutely on my best behavior. I disagree. And he has been telling me we don’t have any fun because he’s broke and he wants me to pay for any extra activities. And wants me to hook him up with high profile people. The problem is this is how he acts when i do. I get treated like dirt.
What??? Why are you with him?? This woman is not the problem. He is.
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:43 PM
 
30,902 posts, read 33,003,025 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Socrazed View Post
Well she was there with his best friend and he told me he said we don’t have any fun anymore because he wanted him to invite us to hang out with them.

I don’t want to hang out with this woman. And i am struggling.

He says he has no remorse over what he said. And i should just deal with it.
I don't think "just deal with it" was very nice but OTOH, he's on the defensive. You're obviously so angry at him and he doesn't sound like he meant that, at all.

I'm not defending that, because it was mean, but I mean, he's upset. He feels attacked by you.

I would CALM DOWN and start fresh, APOLOGIZE for blowing up at him, then explain how you feel.

ETA: Oh, I see all sorts of other garbage now. Well...you already know what to do.
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Old 05-09-2018, 03:45 PM
 
11 posts, read 7,091 times
Reputation: 19
I didn’t really ever blow up. I made my point known. But i quickly told him i needed to go take a work call. Am sorry i walked away and cried. I didn’t want him to see this. I want to be fair and if I’m insecure. That can add to this. So i tried to avoid it.
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