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Old 05-16-2018, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,283,321 times
Reputation: 50370

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
See, I don't think I'd want to stay in that sort of relationship where she would basically be doing me a favor by having sex. I'd want her to WANT to have sex with me, not just cheerfully do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
What if that can't happen - at least in that time frame?

I realize that's not the perfect solution, but it's a solution that can get you through a patch of lack of libido.

Would you rather completely go without sex? Break up?
You're (as a woman) seriously trying to talk a guy into nagging his wife to "just do (her duty)" when he's admitting he'd rather his wife actually WANT to have sex?

What is wrong with this picture?!
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:34 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,923,411 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
What if that can't happen - at least in that time frame?

I realize that's not the perfect solution, but it's a solution that can get you through a patch of lack of libido.

Would you rather completely go without sex? Break up?
I think if a woman usually liked sex and usually loved being with her BF that way, but just went through a difficult patch after a period of time for whatever reason, that would be one thing, but this girl has just never been into it and has avoided it from the beginning.

No woman is going to be into lying there letting the guy do his thing for the next 20, 30, 40 years. And no normal guy is going to want that either.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Where the heart is...
4,927 posts, read 5,294,262 times
Reputation: 10673
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey2k View Post
I'll never understand what this ridiculous magical mood is that (mostly) women need to be in before they can bring themselves to do the most enjoyable thing two people can do together.

And how is stress a reason to not have sex. It's more of a reason to have sex.

And one can feel incredibly unwanted when their partner continually turns them down for physical affection and sex. Sometimes you have to take one for the sake of your partner, the same way many men would rather get a root canal than listen to their wives/girlfriends "vent" but they do it anyway.
Maybe for women there is a need for mood because we don't have an appendage that has flights of fancy on a whim (my translation) which I truly do understand, somewhat, I mean it's there and for some men it is always goading one to be taken care of.

It is the same feeling that a woman may have when she feels unwanted outside of the bedroom. Yes, women can also feel incredibly unwanted when their partner continually turns them down for just keeping company with them or planning on doing things together unrelated to sex.

LOL, I have to wonder how many Academy Awards women would garner for their having to "take one for the sake of your partner". We have and we do...believe me. I'm sure it may still be going on.

Sorry to have been so blunt but in the end men and women are just not made the same way, physically or mentally and just as a man's physicality and testosterone affects him a woman's physicality and hormones affects her. Under the right circumstances it can be heavenly.

I hope this answer is not offensive to anyone and I offer a disclaimer that all women of many ages may certainly disagree with these views.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:43 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,923,411 times
Reputation: 26919
My sister, who NEVER talks this way so we all died when she came out with it...once said, "Women need a reason. Men just need a place."

While everyone is different and men are not just machines, there is SOME truth, as a general thing, to a fair amount of women needing more than just the physical as compared to a fair amount of men. It isn't game playing or passive aggresiveness, at least not within reason. I'm the OP's case, obviously that is way outside the norm. But in a more general way, meh have always been mystified at how much "goes into" a woman being ready.

Again, lest anyone freak out, this is not every single woman or every single man...or every single circumstance, we all know this. But come on. This whole idea really is no secret.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:53 PM
 
35,521 posts, read 17,814,505 times
Reputation: 50529
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
I think if a woman usually liked sex and usually loved being with her BF that way, but just went through a difficult patch after a period of time for whatever reason, that would be one thing, but this girl has just never been into it and has avoided it from the beginning.

No woman is going to be into lying there letting the guy do his thing for the next 20, 30, 40 years. And no normal guy is going to want that either.
If she wants to be in a long term relationship with a man, she's going to have to do that.

This is where the rubber meets the road.

If she does NOT want to be in a committed relationship with a man, or at least not with this man, now's the time to say it.

If she does want to be with him, now's the time to make that decision.

A man (or woman) shouldn't have to take a vow of celibacy in a committed relationship.

Ball is in her court. Either way, it's honorable. She never wants to have sex and doesn't want to be in a relationship, that's fine, bye.

If she DOES, she needs to consider her options. And not believe for a moment a man will be with her and remain celibate.

That doesn't seem so complicated.
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:33 AM
 
57 posts, read 25,023 times
Reputation: 22
Thank You everyone.

Few days ago, she said her libido is maybe weekly or monthly. That is possible with zero necessity for sex? I need to ask her what libido means to her

In order to decide if I want to get back with her, I will ask if she even desires to have sex with me. I cannot accept anything less than yes. How would I even frame this question? She might just give me a polite or socially accepted answer of YES.
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exohouse View Post
Thank You everyone.

In order to decide if I want to get back with her, I will ask if she even desires to have sex with me. I cannot accept anything less than yes. How would I even frame this question? She might just give me a polite or socially accepted answer of YES.
She’s already answered that.

Actions speak louder than words.
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:41 AM
 
57 posts, read 25,023 times
Reputation: 22
We moved in 6 months ago
Regular Foreplay started 15 weeks ago
Every month, she tells me she is turned on during foreplay, but stops me when I advance due to stress and not in the mood
Sex happened 7 weeks ago, but she regularly stops me twice a week
So far, we had sex 3 times
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:42 AM
 
57 posts, read 25,023 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
She’s already answered that.

Actions speak louder than words.
But we had sex 3 times
Ugh am I just in denial
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exohouse View Post
We moved in 6 months ago
Regular Foreplay started 15 weeks ago
Every month, she tells me she is turned on during foreplay, but stops me when I advance due to stress and not in the mood
Sex happened 7 weeks ago, but she regularly stops me twice a week
So far, we had sex 3 times
Wow.

Yes, you are in major denial.

Yeah, this is it. If you can’t live with things exactly like they are today, you need to move out.

It’s not going to magically get better.
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