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Does he wipe them down in slow...slllllllllllow circles? While looking intensely into her eyes?
Does he have his shirt off? Does he have long hair?
I can say I am more amorous if I haven't been thought of as the workhorse and cleanup committee. That's one of the biggest turn-offs ever: "Oh good, the woman is home, the dishes will finally get done. Honey, after you're done with 'all that' want to get down?" NO.
But I wouldn't say it's romantic, per se, to do these things. They *could* lead to more openness because of less resentment but they're not romantic in and of themselves.
Unless done in slow, slow circles with a shirt off, looking into the other's eyes. And with a breeze from the open window lifting the long hair like in a commercial.
But otherwise, not romantic.
OP and his SO aren't really a match.... I am sorry, OP, there's too much "wrong" here. Even if you did have long blowing hair.
yeah, for me, I can't generally get in the mood if I know I have a crap load of stuff to do when I get home. Clearing my plate a bit will definitely help me get in the mood faster, but in itself is not a turn-on. But that was pre-30s - I'm kind of like a light switch now, lol.
Don't underestimate the little thing.
I need to waste a few minutes so I'll tell you a story.
I was married back in the days when 'women's work' was women's work (Meaning all housework)
I was sick one night and my sweet, understanding , considerate husband said "Don't worry about the dishes , honey. You can do them tomorrow"
After a few years of 'husband training' it became...."I did your dishes for you"
Give it a few more years and we got " I did the dishes"....can you see a Gold medal in the offing?
Given a few more years it became..."Why did you do the dishes? That's MY job"
I envied the dish towel caressing the slope of his shoulder, which rolled in waves beneath his sodden tee shirt as he stroked the glass, gently but firmly until,
OOPS
The glass broke in his strong grip and blood streamed across his..... Oh eff it. He's hopping around like a four yr old who needs to pee.
"I'll get the car. Don't you dare faint on me again".
I envied the dish towel caressing the slope of his shoulder, which rolled in waves beneath his sodden tee shirt as he stroked the glass, gently but firmly until,
OOPS
The glass broke in his strong grip and blood streamed across his..... Oh eff it. He's hopping around like a four yr old who needs to pee.
"I'll get the car. Don't you dare faint on me again".
I broke up with her after dinner.
At midnight, she asked me to give the relationship another try.
So it sounds like she wants to be in a relationship.
Quote:
... She said she can afford to work one day less since her recent promotion.
Schedule these as date nights.
Quote:
...She said she can get in the mood if we had regular date nights.
Sounds appealing.
It also sounds like getting into the mood is something that she needs to decide to do.
Quote:
... 1. Sex is not important to her, but I am so she will work at it
My Dw has said this to me many times. She is happy to never think about it, and just ignore the idea.
Quote:
... 2. If we try it, what will our sex life look like in ten years
If she is the type that has no true need for sex in her life, then she will naturally slide to that mode whenever she can.
She will only be in the mood when she has forced herself to mentally. Today she says that having you around is worth the effort. But the fact it is an effort for her means that once she tires of you, it will no longer be worth the effort.
Quote:
... 5. In the past she said once a week is not impossible, but she can also go for many months without.
Welcome to the club. I have spent years in counseling. There are a great many other people in this same club.
Try this.
Have the conversation, and get her to list what she needs from you, for her to be invested enough to want to be intimate with you. Whatever she comes up with, write it down, in her words.
A week later revisit the conversation, and have her to read the list. By that time she will have other conditions to add to the list. Let her add anything she wants to add. But the list needs to be in her words.
After the list has solidified, put it aside for a year. The next time that she stops being motivated to be loving, give her a month, on her own, and then re-visit the list with her.
I truly wish that I had done these steps in our first year of marriage.
She has “no necessity for sex.” Does this mean her sex drive is zero?
Is it possible that she still wants sex if she’s is in the mood?
Do people still make an effort to have sex with the partner if one loses interest in the partner?
This sounds like a lot of work and a lot of uncertainty
I’m absolutely puzzled why she wants a partner if she’s able to skip sex her an entire life.
Why not just have a lot of friends and skip the partner?
My brain is not working properly; I only got 3 hours of sleep the every night
Here's the deal. A LOT of women don't have a strong sex drive, sometimes it's a temporary thing that sort of drifts in and out, sometimes the sex drive completely shuts down.
If she wants to be in a relationship with you, she'll need to have sex. That's just the way it is.
I don't feel like picking my husband up from the airport, or going to Walgreens at 10 at night because he's got a stomach flu and he needs gatorade and immodium, but so what?
You just do it. Sex is the only thing women feel like they have to be in the mood for, to just do what it takes to make their partner happy.
It's not like you're asking for something uncomfortable or painful, or sex 3X a day.
Sorry - this is really on shaky ground. Right - women do stuff for their men (and their kids, and their parents, and EVERYBODY) that they don't really want to do. And yes, some women view just doing sex the same way. Sounds like a lot of fun for everyone and potentially quite degrading for her.
Because sex IS different than other "chores" - there is a lot of potential for it to be very damaging and turn into something very negative for her and ultimately not very fulfilling for him either. And it is one thing for a women to decide on her own that she'll "just do it" - quite another for a man to nag and coerce her into it.
This is not something for a man to tell a woman to do.
She has “no necessity for sex.” Does this mean her sex drive is zero?
Is it possible that she still wants sex if she’s is in the mood?
Do people still make an effort to have sex with the partner if one loses interest in the partner?
This sounds like a lot of work and a lot of uncertainty
I’m absolutely puzzled why she wants a partner if she’s able to skip sex her an entire life.
Why not just have a lot of friends and skip the partner?
My brain is not working properly; I only got 3 hours of sleep the every night
Do you only want a partner so that you can have sex? Is that the only reason? I mean if that's the case, why bother with a human, why not a doll or toy and some porn? No, you want another person in your life for other reasons too, like affection and validation and companionship. To give love and feel loved. People seek partners for lots of reasons.
Question: Are you doing anything to change your intense work schedule situation, or are you doing this for the foreseeable future? Only getting a few hours a sleep a night and barely seeing your partner is really gonna do you in, sooner or later.
Also, please get the book "Come As You Are." I used to believe when I was with my ex that I had no sex drive and I could go forever without it, I had no need or necessity for it. I used to say those things! After we divorced though, and I found people I related to better and felt more emotionally safe with, I could not get enough! As soon as I was in a mentally and emotionally healthier place, since then, I've most definitely had some strong needs in that department.
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I am sorry, OP, there's too much "wrong" here. Even if you did have long blowing hair.
