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I think because if you take the time to get to know someone, looks are really not important. Someone you originally thought was ugly, can become down-right sexy over time.
Being attractive will get someone noticed but that is all it will do. It wont make them a good match, or a good person, or someone that will want to make you feel happy and safe.
This sums it up. I guess the reason some of the guys have trouble accepting these simple facts, is that they're more looks-oriented...? These are the guys who are at risk of ending up divorced if they ever did find an attractive woman who would give them the time of day (and much more), only to discover after the wedding vows, that judging a book by its cover isn't the best strategy for choosing a life mate. But they probably wouldn't learn from their experience; they'd blame her for everything, and would move on to make the same mistake over and over, in choosing a partner (though they probably wouldn't marry again).
What is an average or less-than-average person supposed to do to find a relationship then? I'm talking about people who try to look their best, not people who look bad because they don't care about their appearance. If someone is trying to look their best and that isn't cutting it in the competitive dating world, then what do they do to find someone? It kind of sucks knowing that someone who isn't an A+ beautiful woman is never going to find a decent husband because she's only average.
Studies have shown that the most effective way to meet potential mates is by joining mixed groups, like activity groups, sports groups, taking classes, volunteering, etc..The NY Times had an article on precisely that, a year or so ago. These are venues that allow participants' personalities to shine and be noticed, vs. the superficial "catalogue" approach of OLD. Even singles events can be looks-oriented, leaving the average women on the sidelines. OTOH, some average men and women have eventually had luck on OLD, by being patient, and waiting for the people who pay attention to profile content, and are looking for a serious LTR.
This sums it up. I guess the reason some of the guys have trouble accepting these simple facts, is that they're more looks-oriented...? These are the guys who are at risk of ending up divorced if they ever did find an attractive woman who would give them the time of day (and much more), only to discover after the wedding vows, that judging a book by its cover isn't the best strategy for choosing a life mate. But they probably wouldn't learn from their experience; they'd blame her for everything, and would move on to make the same mistake over and over, in choosing a partner (though they probably wouldn't marry again).
And so it goes...
Oh please just because looks are important doesn’t mean where ignoring everything else it just means that we want to be physically attracted to somebody we are gonna get naked and intimate with I know that sounds crazy.
I also find it funny that you assume an unattractive partner or average looking partner is definitely gonna be a loyal and great partner and a better person than an attractive person lol unattractive people can be bad partners and people too.
I could not bear to look at her for years. When my dd was a kid and a new JR movie was out, she'd appear on the front of all the supermarket magazines, and my daughter would go, "LOOK, MOM!" to make me see her.
My sister lent me "My Best Friend's Wedding", and I couldn't get through the first ten minutes. That clown face and her YULK YULK YULK laugh filling up the screen.
She might be a nice person, I don't know. She was just difficult for me to look at, and I'm not sure exactly why. Don't think about it much anymore because she isn't that visible anymore.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 05-28-2018 at 11:10 AM..
What is an average or less-than-average person supposed to do to find a relationship then? I'm talking about people who try to look their best, not people who look bad because they don't care about their appearance. If someone is trying to look their best and that isn't cutting it in the competitive dating world, then what do they do to find someone? It kind of sucks knowing that someone who isn't an A+ beautiful woman is never going to find a decent husband because she's only average.
I am such a person. I went for a long time without a relationship because very few men found me attractive. I can make myself presentable enough and not need to wear a bag over my head, but I am not and never have been a pretty woman. The clincher is that I am also six feet tall, so not-pretty+too effin tall = no dating for the Mighty Queen. The only pool of men I really had accessible to me were alcoholics, because they aren't as picky or worried about what their friends might think as long as you are taking care of them. I married one. Declined to ever get in a relationship with another.
I'm not going to lie. I experienced a lot of sadness in my life over this and went a lot of years alone both before and after my marriage. I would have made someone a GREAT wife. I enjoy sex, can cook well, have a great sense of humor, am of higher-than-average intelligence, financially self-supporting--but too tall and not pretty enough meant that I had few chances for anyone to find out any of that.
Then, unexpectedly, late in life, I started emailing back and forth with someone on a forum like this one about common interests, and we made friends. Eventually we started to entertain the idea that it could be something more. He took the first step, sending me his FB link and warning me that he "wasn't a hunk", to which I replied that I was no beauty queen either. We did meet, and we love each other.
So, one answer is to find ways to get to know and like someone as a person first, and the worrying about physical attraction might take a back seat naturally.
Oh please just because looks are important doesn’t mean where ignoring everything else it just means that we want to be physically attracted to somebody we are gonna get naked and intimate with I know that sounds crazy.
I also find it funny that you assume an unattractive partner or average looking partner is definitely gonna be a loyal and great partner and a better person than an attractive person lol unattractive people can be bad partners and people too.
I wasn't assuming that at all. The point is that scoping out a person't personality and character is important to the attraction phenom.
What is an average or less-than-average person supposed to do to find a relationship then? I'm talking about people who try to look their best, not people who look bad because they don't care about their appearance. If someone is trying to look their best and that isn't cutting it in the competitive dating world, then what do they do to find someone? It kind of sucks knowing that someone who isn't an A+ beautiful woman is never going to find a decent husband because she's only average.
I’ve found dating challenging. Sure sometimes I meet people that find me atttactive, and I think are ok at first glance. Then I get to know them and feel bored or don’t feel like I can be my whole self and there goes that one.
I decided to focus on meeting people I find interesting and then hope it crosses over since the other way isn’t very fulfilling. People become more attractive as you get to know them.
I’ve found dating challenging. Sure sometimes I meet people that find me atttactive, and I think are ok at first glance. Then I get to know them and feel bored or don’t feel like I can be my whole self and there goes that one.
I decided to focus on meeting people I find interesting and then hope it crosses over since the other way isn’t very fulfilling. People become more attractive as you get to know them.
This perspective isn't exclusive to women, either. Some men have also found this to be true, and a few of them have actually posted to chime in about it on C-D in the past, too.
This perspective isn't exclusive to women, either. Some men have also found this to be true, and a few of them have actually posted to chime in about it on C-D in the past, too.
Thank you. I realize that an assertion like that can seem beyond the farthest realm of possibility, but yes, there are men occasionally posting in C-D land, who exhibit wisdom. They're a breath of fresh air, in the wilderness.
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