Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What is this, 1958? Who the heck dates any more? You get to know women through your circle of friends. If you don't have friends, you have more problems than your looks.
People date. I feel like it's more "the 50s" to say people just kind of meet through friends. When the world was smaller that was often the case (and it still can be the case) but people are able to reach out a lot farther now.
"The obvious one" is the one you learn from observing the other 99.9% of humanity, in addition to the 1 guy you buddy with. That's the "obvious" lesson.
This is sad. Very sad. Self-imposed social exile. Wow.
What is this, 1958? Who the heck dates any more? You get to know women through your circle of friends. If you don't have friends, you have more problems than your looks.
That's very limiting. What if your circle of friends doesn't have anyone appealing? Or maybe somebody new joins the group every couple of years, so.... you get to scope out/date someone new once every couple of years? And if it doesn't turn into a relationship, you wait another year or two until another new person shows up?
How is that practical? I agree, that it's great if there IS someone in the friends' circle that you click with. But people go years without meeting anyone they're interested in pursuing a relationship with, when they limit it to the circle.
I feel like, if one takes the time to really listen, most people have some kind of struggle, some "problem" they are not happy about, especially when it comes to dating. If one is very focused on whatever one's own problem is though, such as being of less than good looks, then everyone else's struggles sound like a heap of "first world problems" BS.
I'm sure that there are chronically abused women who feel that way, too.
One I've seen often play out in a gendered way, has been women who are decent looking, feeling used and lied to, with one dud relationship after another, by player guys...and less than average looking men coming back with "at least you have a chance, I can't even get a date." The problem there is that those women don't WANT the same thing that those guys claim to want. And I'm betting if those men had a series of experiences one after another where, just as they started to feel in love with someone, they got emotionally curb-stomped, again and again...they would not be thrilled about that.
Different struggles; different challenges. People could be a bit more compassionate in light of that, but it won't make our problems disappear.
I have a number of male friends who fall into the category of men whose main challenge is related to their looks. Some women, too, though the difference I see in my social group, is that the men often seem very depressed and tend to feel a default level of social awkwardness and overall shyness, and the women will make friends and continue to come socialize even if no one wants to date them, and find a certain level of comfort and happiness in just having friends. I have on numerous occasions made a serious effort to actively befriend and engage in conversation toward these "ugly" shy men, because I don't feel that social isolation is healthy. I can't offer them sex, but if they are willing (and they often are) I always make sure they get hugs. Often enough, as they gain social confidence, they enjoy greater success with women, too. The two I'm thinking of right off the top of my head both have long distance relationships right now. They seem happier than when I first met them, and I hope my gestures have helped.
Of course, these guys did not respond to my kindness or friendly affection with anger, bitterness, or grasping at more than what was offered. If they had, they'd be among those who quickly stop even showing up, and just continue to stew miserably alone at home.
You’ve spent all the time saying I’m wrong about my original post just because you a self proclaimed outlier doesn’t t care about looks now you’re admitting you know guys who can’t attract women because they’re too ugly.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ken1982
You’ve spent all the time saying I’m wrong about my original post just because you a self proclaimed outlier doesn’t t care about looks now you’re admitting you know guys who can’t attract women because they’re too ugly.
Lol thank you for accidentally proving my point.
She really didn't. I have no idea what you are reading.
I feel like, if one takes the time to really listen, most people have some kind of struggle, some "problem" they are not happy about, especially when it comes to dating. If one is very focused on whatever one's own problem is though, such as being of less than good looks, then everyone else's struggles sound like a heap of "first world problems" BS.
I'm sure that there are chronically abused women who feel that way, too.
One I've seen often play out in a gendered way, has been women who are decent looking, feeling used and lied to, with one dud relationship after another, by player guys...and less than average looking men coming back with "at least you have a chance, I can't even get a date." The problem there is that those women don't WANT the same thing that those guys claim to want. And I'm betting if those men had a series of experiences one after another where, just as they started to feel in love with someone, they got emotionally curb-stomped, again and again...they would not be thrilled about that.
Different struggles; different challenges. People could be a bit more compassionate in light of that, but it won't make our problems disappear.
I have a number of male friends who fall into the category of men whose main challenge is related to their looks. Some women, too, though the difference I see in my social group, is that the men often seem very depressed and tend to feel a default level of social awkwardness and overall shyness, and the women will make friends and continue to come socialize even if no one wants to date them, and find a certain level of comfort and happiness in just having friends. I have on numerous occasions made a serious effort to actively befriend and engage in conversation toward these "ugly" shy men, because I don't feel that social isolation is healthy. I can't offer them sex, but if they are willing (and they often are) I always make sure they get hugs. Often enough, as they gain social confidence, they enjoy greater success with women, too. The two I'm thinking of right off the top of my head both have long distance relationships right now. They seem happier than when I first met them, and I hope my gestures have helped.
Of course, these guys did not respond to my kindness or friendly affection with anger, bitterness, or grasping at more than what was offered. If they had, they'd be among those who quickly stop even showing up, and just continue to stew miserably alone at home.
YOure really gonna compare and say it’s the same level with a lady who’s had relationships companionship and the opposite sex attracted to her to a guy who’s never had any physical touch with a women let alone love intimacy and companionship? Lol
She really didn't. I have no idea what you are reading.
I have a theory:
I believe OP, really started this thread not to have a true discussion but to validate his own beliefs. I think deep down the OP, is bothered about the kind of person he thinks he is. Which is someone who feels their desires are superficial and possibly feels "empty." Otherwise, he wouldn't get so defensive every time someone argues "his point." Which I might add serves no purpose because it's not going to change anything.
I feel if he gets the validation of being "right," he'll feel better about himself because he'll "see" he's not alone in his thinking. Hence the illustrating of this "narrative" in the way he presents his posts, cherry picks other posts that confirm his "point," and constant projection. That's the vibe I'm getting. Others probably saw this a mile away, but I just wanted to put it out there.
I believe OP, really started this thread not to have a true discussion but to validate his own beliefs. I think deep down the OP, is bothered about the kind of person he thinks he is. Which is someone who feels their desires are superficial and possibly feels "empty." Otherwise, he wouldn't get so defensive every time someone argues "his point." Which I might add serves no purpose because it's not going to change anything.
I feel if he gets the validation of being "right," he'll feel better about himself because he'll "see" he's not alone in his thinking. Hence the illustrating of this "narrative" in the way he presents his posts, cherry picks other posts that confirm his "point," and constant projection. That's the vibe I'm getting. Others probably saw this a mile away, but I just wanted to put it out there.
Damn. And here I thought he just really enjoyed reading my verbose, repetitive, walls of text. The way he keeps pokin' back to keep me going.
Ken, man, nothing I have said makes you right. Not a blessed thing. If anything that last post that you decided to quote twice, kinda does the opposite. As I described two unattractive looking men that I know off the top of my head, who, once coaxed out of their isolating and shy behaviors, and encouraged into greater confidence, found relationships. Albeit, long distance ones, but they've gone and visited these women. They seem happier now.
There are ways around less than fortunate looks. It may take some personal effort, like it would to overcome any disadvantage, but looks just are not the end all, be all. And the biggest disadvantage these guys had, wasn't their looks alone, it was the psychology they developed from how they have been treated by people *cough* who act like it's the most blessed important thing in the world. It isn't.
I will go full circle now, and give one very good reason why I downplay the importance of looks. To validate perfectly good people who have been treated like crap, because of people who are so SHALLOW that they assign them no worth and no value, because they aren't "pretty." Heck that. Maybe it makes me some kind of an "outlier" but by god, I'm a happy one.
Was that ok, Ken? Let me know when ya need another chapter, buddy.
If one is very focused on whatever one's own problem is though, such as being of less than good looks, then everyone else's struggles sound like a heap of "first world problems" BS.
I'm sure that there are chronically abused women who feel that way, too.
One I've seen often play out in a gendered way, has been women who are decent looking, feeling used and lied to, with one dud relationship after another, by player guys...and less than average looking men coming back with "at least you have a chance, I can't even get a date." The problem there is that those women don't WANT the same thing that those guys claim to want. And I'm betting if those men had a series of experiences one after another where, just as they started to feel in love with someone, they got emotionally curb-stomped, again and again...they would not be thrilled about that.
That situation does sound like “first world problems” as compared to the ugly guys’ problem. The decent looking woman has way more options than the typical ugly guy does, and she continuously chooses those player guys to be with and gets hurt repeatedly. It’s self-inflicted. The ugly guys’ problem is something that they were born with and have no control over.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I feel like it's more "the 50s" to say people just kind of meet through friends. When the world was smaller that was often the case (and it still can be the case) but people are able to reach out a lot farther now.
