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Hey guys...you happy since on the OLD site I'm on says I may not reply if you don't have a photo up?
(Even though I am currently 'talking' to two who don't because of their approach)
Now, on both sides, make that of what you will
That situation does sound like “first world problems” as compared to the ugly guys’ problem. The decent looking woman has way more options than the typical ugly guy does, and she continuously chooses those player guys to be with and gets hurt repeatedly. It’s self-inflicted. The ugly guys’ problem is something that they were born with and have no control over.
The thing is, they generally don't know. It's not as though the player guy told them or wore a sign, they are generally being lied to and strung along.
You know. Played. Conned. Told they are loved, even.
A lot of women feel like we're kind of in a no-win scenario. If we play hard to get and wait to get a feel for whether a guy is genuine, then we're playing games or making him jump through hoops to earn our affection. If we jump in quick, we get played, and that's our fault, too. And even if every guy we ever had sex with made us think "you're the one and this is true love" and then flaked out, if we try and fail too many times, we risk getting a reputation for having a history. The only solution I've found is to not care what other people think, and that's great, but it's easier said than done for most people. Exactly like men get confused by the expectations they hear from women, women get confused by the different things men are trying to get from us or want us to be for them. The problem both sides have, is in trying to shape one's self around the perceived expectations of the other gender, when the other gender is made up of a very inconsistent assortment of individuals who don't even all want the same things. At all.
Guys are mad because women don't give them a chance. We get played/hurt when we give guys a chance. So we give fewer chances. "Well it's those other guys, not me!" How do we know that? The last player who did a fling & flake on me was no Chad, I can tell you that. He wasn't the sort of man to dazzle a woman with looks or money, blinding her to how he's a "jerk." I had no reason to believe he operated the way he did, until he started showing his true colors several weeks into our interactions.
(At least the sex was good, which is more than I can say for a lot of the jokers I gave "chances" to in my life.)
YOure really gonna compare and say it’s the same level with a lady who’s had relationships companionship and the opposite sex attracted to her to a guy who’s never had any physical touch with a women let alone love intimacy and companionship? Lol
Didn't you say you don't have much problem getting dates? You seem overly angry about this so it's confusing. I can see just wanting basic understanding for other people, that would be noble, but you are angry, and overly passionate, and you keep saying good looking people can't understand. Yet upthread you said you are good looking. So how is it YOU understand?
I don't get it - what is this thread for? Why do you want to push people to agree with you? What is the bottom line here? I can't tell what it is you want to hear.
I believe OP, really started this thread not to have a true discussion but to validate his own beliefs. I think deep down the OP, is bothered about the kind of person he thinks he is. Which is someone who feels their desires are superficial and possibly feels "empty." Otherwise, he wouldn't get so defensive every time someone argues "his point." Which I might add serves no purpose because it's not going to change anything.
I feel if he gets the validation of being "right," he'll feel better about himself because he'll "see" he's not alone in his thinking. Hence the illustrating of this "narrative" in the way he presents his posts, cherry picks other posts that confirm his "point," and constant projection. That's the vibe I'm getting. Others probably saw this a mile away, but I just wanted to put it out there.
Most everyone I know that isn't in a monogamous marriage/LTR. It's why things like OLD are such big business, people want to date. I, personally, do not date friends of friends.
And OLD totally works. Totally!!! If you aren't daft in the head or have two noses you can probably get dates. You don't even have to speak English.
I started to qualify with Spanish then found myself Googling too often. Then finally I found a match who had bad English and I have bad Spanish. Alas it wasn't meant to be, I think I already found my lady.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
I believe OP, really started this thread not to have a true discussion but to validate his own beliefs. I think deep down the OP, is bothered about the kind of person he thinks he is. Which is someone who feels their desires are superficial and possibly feels "empty." Otherwise, he wouldn't get so defensive every time someone argues "his point." Which I might add serves no purpose because it's not going to change anything.
I like topics that evolve. I particularly like when the OP starts out with something and ends up with something else. I started one worrying about women in OLD who want to go steady right off. The topic explained it to me. Then I met the lady. Now I want to go steady! In my mind we are already steady, just haven't formalized it. I did a total flip-flop on that topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Hey guys...you happy since on the OLD site I'm on says I may not reply if you don't have a photo up?
(Even though I am currently 'talking' to two who don't because of their approach)
Now, on both sides, make that of what you will
If the "no photo" has a good profile, I tell them to please add a pic so I can chat them up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
A lot of women feel like we're kind of in a no-win scenario. If we play hard to get and wait to get a feel for whether a guy is genuine, then we're playing games or making him jump through hoops to earn our affection. If we jump in quick, we get played, and that's our fault, too. And even if every guy we ever had sex with made us think "you're the one and this is true love" and then flaked out, if we try and fail too many times, we risk getting a reputation for having a history. The only solution I've found is to not care what other people think, and that's great, but it's easier said than done for most people. Exactly like men get confused by the expectations they hear from women, women get confused by the different things men are trying to get from us or want us to be for them. The problem both sides have, is in trying to shape one's self around the perceived expectations of the other gender, when the other gender is made up of a very inconsistent assortment of individuals who don't even all want the same things. At all.
That's really eloquent! I get it!
Last edited by Lovehound; 06-07-2018 at 02:24 PM..
[quote=Ruth4Truth;52127985]"The obvious one" is the one you learn from observing the other 99.9% of humanity, in addition to the 1 guy you buddy with. That's the "obvious" lesson.
This is sad. Very sad. Self-imposed social exile. Wow.[/QUOT
I have quite a few friends and family.
I travel sometimes with friends, sometimes with family. I go on photography trips with a local art association where I have friends as well. I just do not date which in no way makes me a social exile.
"The obvious one" is the one you learn from observing the other 99.9% of humanity, in addition to the 1 guy you buddy with. That's the "obvious" lesson.
This is sad. Very sad. Self-imposed social exile. Wow.[/QUOT
I have quite a few friends and family.
I travel sometimes with friends, sometimes with family. I go on photography trips with a local art association where I have friends as well. I just do not date which in no way makes me a social exile.
I stand corrected. I still think you drew totally the wrong conclusion from watching one guy, and exceptional case, for 20 years, to the exclusion of everyone else around you.
Guys are mad because women don't give them a chance. We get played/hurt when we give guys a chance. So we give fewer chances. "Well it's those other guys, not me!" How do we know that? The last player who did a fling & flake on me was no Chad, I can tell you that. He wasn't the sort of man to dazzle a woman with looks or money, blinding her to how he's a "jerk." I had no reason to believe he operated the way he did, until he started showing his true colors several weeks into our interactions.
(At least the sex was good, which is more than I can say for a lot of the jokers I gave "chances" to in my life.)
It's a jungle out there.
I can understand a woman being tricked by one of those types of guys once, maybe even twice, but if this is routinely happening to you then maybe you should look inward. These problems aren’t even exclusive to women.
I don’t buy that women are always victims in these scenarios. Some of them knowingly seek out guys with negative characteristics and then complain when they show their colors. I was once seriously talking to a girl who told me that I was one of the nicest guys she ever met, she was acting like she wanted to be with me and totally led me to believe that. She eventually started getting distant towards me and eventually admitted to me that she wasn’t talking to me much anymore because she went back to her ex who had cheated on her before. Then not even 2 weeks later when he cheated again, she came crying back to me. Some women willingly seek out bad men. And vice versa.
Funny b/c I am a female and "I am not a little boy" is an inside joke on my local hometown board.
Looks matter a lot.
A woman will date anyone who is good-looking ... he could be the biggest a-hole, poor, unemployed and it really wouldn't matter.
I know b/c I am a woman and I only date good-looking guys. I hope they are nice with good jobs and all that but I would rather date a good looking man with nothing than an ugly guy with everything.
Looks are important.
I lucked out b/c my fiancé has the whole package but I would rather date someone good looking .. that comes first !!
I can't be attracted to someone who I don't find good-looking ... most people are nice enough ... they need to be good-looking (aka take care of their appearance)
As someone who is considered ugly by most people, attitudes like yours are the bane of my existence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
Let's see.
As a woman,if i am looking for an ONS of friends with benefits situation,I am going to get the Adonis.
Why? Because I have the pic of the litter,and hot men pursue it.
There is also the myth that unattractive women like me are better in bed,so i use that to my advantage.
But relationship wise? It is best to get an unattractive guy,so he could worship me.
But at this stage in life,$$$$ is more important.
And i aint giving it up for free to an ugly guy.
You do know that many financially successful guys do not have to settle for an ugly woman?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
I also know ugly people with good personalities who are single and mostly get ignored. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that all single ugly people who are struggling is because they don’t have a personality. The bottom line is that many people don’t want to get to know your personality if you don’t have looks good enough to get in the door.
I can only speak for myself but I never claimed that ugly people can’t find someone, but it’s not easy. A lot of people point to famous ugly people in relationships which isn’t even a fair comparison, because they have money and social status that the vast majority of people will never attain. Some people seem to be so quick to try to discount and invalidate ugly peoples’ experiences in the dating world by telling them “Looks don’t matter” or “You just don’t have a personality”, but the bottom line is that a lot of the time that stuff takes a backseat to looks. And I’m not saying that people have to date ugly people because no one has to date anyone that they’re not attracted to, but I can sympathize because I’ve been through it and I know how hard it is being ugly in this world.
Thanks Randomguy. I made it to page 39 before I had to chime in. I am cross-eyed and a woman, and I have first hand experience of the maltreatment of ugly people. Some on this thread have the gall to invalidate someone else's experiences and make it their fault that society treats them that way.
I do not like people - but that is the result of the my experiences. When you have random people on the street look at you in disgust, or look through you as if you are not there, or otherwise mistreat you before you have a chance to say anything....you learn early on that people suck.
I am wondering - what do some of these people look like? Sonic? Ruth? Have you ever had to walk down the straight and have people mistreat you simply based upon looks?
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