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I have been out of a 6 year relationship for the past 2 years (about early 2016) so going back to dating is like a new thing for me. During that 2 years, I have learned to go through life taking care of our 2 kids and do my best to be involve in their youth (6 year old Lisa and a 3 year old Donny), I have decided to go back to school online as a full time student, I'm a full time employee, I try to fit in a healthy lifestyle and volunteer and be involve in our local community when I can. So I have spent the whole 2 years trying to do something good for my kids as well as love myself again. Since my separation, I have gone from 195 lbs to 165 lbs although I was 145 when I met my former husband. Our separation led me to a new light.
Dating wasn't my thing because I was so busy. But everything changed when I met this physician. He was my kid's physician a few times because the flu was going around. the first time i met him I thought "it's impossible this guys is single." I told 2 of my best friends about him and they told me to talk to him. Because it's been 8 years since I went back to dating, I absolutely don't know what to say or do. I would get so nervous and choke on my words. So the kids got the flu again and lasted for 4 days, my motherly nursing wasn't much help so I brought them in where he (Lets say his name is Bob) was the kids physician again. This is our second encounter. He is so good with the kids, given he is a physician for children. He smiles a lot which attracted me. While he was talking he would look at me straight in the eye and I would hold his gaze while he is talking. He seemed casual, probably he is not interested, so i told myself. He noticed the kids name is not common so he asked where was I from, i told them "it's not actually my last name but their dad's" he replied with "oh" and went back to his assessment of the kids. How stupid of me to not say "they carry my ex's last name" ugh! frustrated as I was, I was looking forward to the kids follow up appointment 2 weeks from that.
Follow up appointment came and this is our 3rd encounter. I got so nervous because I have been wanting to talk to him, my gut feeling wants to get to know him but something in me said "he is at work, isn't it inappropriate?" so the follow up appointment went by smoothly with him smiling and talking about how my kid was getting better. We would exchange smiles. I told myself to talk to him, but I just couldn't I'm afraid of what to say and if it would sound stupid. Because Bob took a swab of Donny's throat and Lisa wound (he thinks she caught the flu because of her infected wound), he asked for my number and wrote it down on Donny's record however I saw that he was on his phone so i couldn't see if he was saving my number on his phone or checking something. i don't want to assume. He also informed me to call and make an appointment on september to see how my Donny is doing. we left and i totally regretted it. I found him on Instagram and messaged him about Lisa's swab result, but he hasn't seen or replied and i even requested to follow so he can see my message. Guess he thinks I'm a stalker =(
A week after, Donny has the flu again, the flu was getting worse as the schools and daycares had kids with flu. So Donny got it again and I had to bring Donny back to Bob. I prayed the night before and said "alright God, I hope he will be there and if he is then there is no turning back, I will talk to him and bottle up the courage to ask him out." Following day came and the nurse informed me that Bob was in, my heart was racing going about 100 mph and my palms were sweaty. I told myself "this is it, no turning back, what can you lose?" So as we walked in his office, Bob greeted Donny and I with that warm and handsome smile that just weakened my knees. He told me "hey momma just now I saw your message!" (physicians and doctors say this a lot, so its not new to me) Throughout this time I try to sound casual hiding my nervousness. He was looking at Donny's ears so then I took the chance and asked "you're really good with kids! do you have kids of your own?" he smirked which made my heart fell to my stomach. Bob said "nah... no wife, not married" so i smiled and said "oh, well you and your gf should one day have, kids are a pain but rewarding" he then said "well I had a gf but long distance doesn't really work out" so I smiled bigger, he noticed and said "so yes I am single!" saying the word 'single' confidently. I would have said something but the phone rang, ugghhh what a way to ruin the moment. He got off the phone and asked for my number so he can call me 2 days from today to call for a follow up on Donny. He wrote it on his record again record though and not his phone. He then asked "any questions mom?" so I prayed in my head and asked "yea uhh do you have any plans for lunch?" he said "well my car is at the shop, why though?" at this point, i noticed he was shaking his right leg. he was sitting down while I was standing up trying to calm my whining child. I said "well I wanted to ask if we can grab something for lunch?" he then looked at me casually and said "maybe some other time." I smiled and said "yea sure!"
I was in the car with my kid and there I was talking to myself, not knowing if I should cry or smile. I told myself "hey at least you bottled up the courage to ask him out, that is something you have NEVER done before. but why would he say that he is 'single' confidently while smiling at me? sigghhh I'm attracted to him but felt bad that he turned me down." I asked my guy friend Tim who is the same age as Bob and he said "if I were Bob I would be flattered, but because of work i would not have taken up the offer right then. but 'maybe some other time' is a good sign. Try and ask him once more" I asked "did he turn me down because he thinks I'm still with my ex?" Tim told me "well you wouldn't know that" So then I asked "why would he turn me down when he confidently said he was single?" Tim said "could be because you caught him off guard and it was at work"
I know I should act cool about it, but then again I believe he is such as great guy and I don't want this opportunity to pass. I am butt hurt I got turned down but my friend Tim suggest I should ask again, maybe when Bob calls after 2 days for a follow up on Donny. But then again, I feel bad of being struck by an arrow twice this week. Should I still ask Bob out for lunch/dinner when he calls? How should I react if he turns me down again in a way he would regret it? LOL how should I talk and react when I see him again when Donny's appointment comes in September?
thanks so much for your help guys, especially hearing me out! I'm honestly lose right now.
Why do you think this doctor would want to date you? Just because he is single? He might be single for a reason. I am sure he had many opportunities to date or be in a relationship.
He is your kids physician - smiles and courtesy belong to proper customer service. He is a professional and caring, it's his business to be so.
It has nothing to do with flirting or wanting to go on dates with his patients mothers.
Rule I live by is: never ask someone for a date or reveal your feelings if you are not at least 95% sure that the other person is interested in you.
I guess you have to learn the difference when someone is businesslike nice and polite, or interested in dating you.
Next time, if you think about asking someone out (no, NOT this doctor!), do it less directly.
Like an indirect suggestion: "Do you know any good places to get Italian food? I'd really like some."
Or: " I heard, they have great cappuccino at the new coffee shop. I think, I am going to give it a try... "
You see... if he is not interested, he will not jump into that, but say some excuse. That way he has a way out, and you don't lose your face.
What you did, and intend to do again, is create very awkward and uncomfortable situation. I bet the next visit will be tense and less friendly.
If I were you, I would look for another doctor for my kids. There is no way, to make this faux pas undone.
You learned a lesson, let it go. The ethics of this issue are not hard and fast, I've seen this work, but professionals get hit on relentlessly, and they are confident and comfortable with what they say and do. There is everything about a professional facade, and this is what creates ease between patients and doctors, as they go about their work.
You can continue with him as your kid's doc, just let him know you had an error in judgment. He may come back at a later time. You also should be aware he may have more diverse interests than you and he is able to screen more easily what your interests are than you can imagine, based on what you have told him in the interview and 'banter' with the kids. You put it out there, now let him take it up, if that will be tried. I've never been embarrassed by these exchanges, and it usually boosts my esteem, but by the next session with the next patient and on follow-up, I have forgotten the dialogue and I've been ready to move on.
I wouldn't ask him out again that would be embarrassing and might make you look desperate. He seems like he was being cordial or polite, but if you were attracted to him I can see how the lines could be blurred from what you think is happening and what is reality. Like you stated look on the bright side at least you stepped out of your comfort zone, but you can always use that budding confidence on another male that you find interest in.
Also: finding him on Instagram and messaging him in reference to your children, honestly wasn't the best the move, that should've been a phone call for a nurse practitioner at your children's Dr office, not his private social media acct.
Other than ethical problems, physicians also avoid getting involved with the parents of their child patients because there is a distinct danger of the enamoured parent making their child ill in order to maintain contact with the doctor. It’s one of the symptoms of Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fact...sed_on_another
For all he knows you’re crazy. Reel it back in sister.
Also: finding him on Instagram and messaging him in reference to your children, honestly wasn't the best the move, that should've been a phone call for a nurse practitioner at your children's Dr office, not his private social media acct.
That could also be considered a HIPAA issue possibly because Instagram isn't exactly a secure site on which to discuss personal health information with a healthcare provider. He could possibly get in trouble and likely he knows it, being a doctor.
I’m going to get shot down for this but I don’t care...I know it’s 2018 and the world is changing but some things never do change. A woman should never ask a man out on a date, it’s not her place. If a man is really interested in you then he will find a way to ask you out.
Many things are possible and he did decline by leaving it at 'maybe some other time'.
BUT....even if he had been inclined, using Instagram about a medical issue sure as s..t would have convinced him to switch 'another time, maybe' to 'uh, uh, never!'
I'm of the opinion, "Wait and see". He's going to call you to see how Donny is doing. If, indeed, HE calls, wait and see if he indicates ANYTHING about wanting to see you. The next move really has to come from him. (IMO.)
If he doesn't say or do anything to follow up on your date request, you gotta let it go.
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