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I disagree with you but I see your point. I still say this has nothing to do with religion, but the fact is I haven't seen the OP providing elaboration on the situation, and without that we are all speculating.
This topic has legs but I think we need the OP to chime in.
We need more info from the OP.
I agree. If she has pushed for marriage before, then maybe. But she could be having a legitimate religious conversion. We just don’t know her. He does.
I'd say it would be pretty normal to go without sex for a year after what happened with you. I went without for two and a half years after my wife left me.
In my case there was always the thought that she might come back (it was me not letting her back - she had been using sex as a weapon for a long time so I was pretty p****d by then). In the end she chose Jesus over me or something. She did have a sex hangup though. She had more than just a sex hangup actually.
I did make the effort to get back with her and the sex was great for a while then her issues kicked in again which included her religious guilt.
Sorry, 303guy. My ex husband had religious hangups and it was nearly the reverse of yours—he was the one with all the wierd issues about sex. We were both religious, but his growing up was far more fundamentalist than mine. It baffled me. Obviously he is an ex now so we were not able to work it out. That said, not all people who are religious have sexual hangups.
I'd like the OP to come back and elaborate his reason why he needs 1-2 years more before marriage. He's already had a couple years. I'm not making any judgement, just asking for more information, state of mind and such.
He has said he is in the process of migrating to Canada and that it will take about 1-2 years. He could at least get engaged to her I suppose.
But in all honesty, now that she has done this turn around on him I doubt there is any future with her. If someone did that to me I think I would reconsider the relationship. I certainly would not allow myself to me manipulated like that and I cannot see myself ever trusting that person again. But then again, it's only been two weeks - she may still come to her senses.
Either way, be it a religious thing or a manipulative move, I see a huge red flag!
Sorry, 303guy. My ex husband had religious hangups and it was nearly the reverse of yours—he was the one with all the wierd issues about sex. We were both religious, but his growing up was far more fundamentalist than mine. It baffled me. Obviously he is an ex now so we were not able to work it out. That said, not all people who are religious have sexual hangups.
This. Everyone is assuming that her conversion is manipulation. If she has truly had a conversion, she may legitimately want to wait. Only time will tell. But to assume she is doind this just to get married is assuming the worst of her. You know her best, but I don’t know why she would do that outside of a legitimate conversion unless she has been pushing for marriage for awhile.
Oh I can quite see the religious conversion as being the issue. I also see it as possible she is not intentionally using sex to pressure him. I actually lean more toward the religious conversion.
Oh I can quite see the religious conversion as being the issue. I also see it as possible she is not intentionally using sex to pressure him. I actually lean more toward the religious conversion.
It could be a problem, later on, depending, but it wouldn't be the sex, it would be the lifestyle difference.
Personally, I am of the ilk that you can date a non-religious person if you are religious if you get along. I'm dating a not particularly religious man right now, and he is the best guy I have dated. All our other values align.
However, I am a pretty open minded religious person. I have decided that TO ME it does not matter if he is otherwise a good man. We don't discuss conversions or religious things and he and I both respect where the other comes form. We decided that if we had children in the future, we would raise them in an open minded church. We were both raised that way though he doesn't go anymore. So that is the only thing that mattered to me. But I know that not every religious person shares this view that "non equally yoked" people can be successful, and many times it does not work.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere
It could be a problem, later on, depending, but it wouldn't be the sex, it would be the lifestyle difference.
Personally, I am of the ilk that you can date a non-religious person if you are religious if you get along. I'm dating a not particularly religious man right now, and he is the best guy I have dated. All our other values align.
However, I am a pretty open minded religious person. I have decided that TO ME it does not matter if he is otherwise a good man. We don't discuss conversions or religious things and he and I both respect where the other comes form. We decided that if we had children in the future, we would raise them in an open minded church. We were both raised that way though he doesn't go anymore. So that is the only thing that mattered to me. But I know that not every religious person shares this view that "non equally yoked" people can be successful, and many times it does not work.
I do agree with what you posted. The problem I want to point out is that typically new converts are usually the most wackya$# about their religion especially in Christianity. Before anyone brings it up, yes I am atheist now but converted to Pentecostal Christianity when I was 15 and was really obsessed with it when I first converted. The church puts intense pressure on you to rid your life of existing sin especially sexual sin. I saw this happen to a friend who converted to the International Christian Church (one of the most-cult like denominations of Christianity.) This is likely the case with OP’s girl and I’d put money on it.
Your open minded approach is more for someone who has been in a more liberal denomination for years and doesn’t see “the world” as absolute evil (Pentecostal churches emphasize this heavy) but more a temporary state to travel through.
He has said he is in the process of migrating to Canada and that it will take about 1-2 years. He could at least get engaged to her I suppose.
...
Either way, be it a religious thing or a manipulative move, I see a huge red flag!
Huge red flag for sure!
And wondering if the OP is coming back at all... Last Activity: 06-01-2018 10:53 PM (PDT)
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I do agree with what you posted. The problem I want to point out is that typically new converts are usually the most wackya$# about their religion especially in Christianity. Before anyone brings it up, yes I am atheist now but converted to Pentecostal Christianity when I was 15 and was really obsessed with it when I first converted. The church puts intense pressure on you to rid your life of existing sin especially sexual sin. I saw this happen to a friend who converted to the International Christian Church (one of the most-cult like denominations of Christianity.) This is likely the case with OP’s girl and I’d put money on it.
Your open minded approach is more for someone who has been in a more liberal denomination for years and doesn’t see “the world” as absolute evil (Pentecostal churches emphasize this heavy) but more a temporary state to travel through.
I like your turn of phrase "wackya$#."
You nailed the religious angle in your first paragraph.
I was raised Protestant and quit attending church as soon as I was on my own. For most of the time I've been atheist or agnostic. (Agnostics are just cowardly atheists hedging their bets.)
Something changed in my life last October. I don't know what it was. Things just started getting much better! I began reestablishing contacts with old friends. By December I perked up and joined OLD. OLD just totally changed everything. The relationships I've been in and out of have changed everything.
I'm in a confused state right now, I find scientific me (BS degree) questioning if there is such a thing as fate, because I feel a very benign force changing my life. Maybe it's just coincidence and I'm reading too much into it. But if there is fate, doesn't that imply some higher force?
I got a silver chain with a turquoise inlaid cross and wear it sometimes although I prefer my gold neck chain. I'll be just fine dating a religious woman as long as I don't have to attend church. I like to think that if there is God that he is enough self assured that he doesn't need we little people to worship Him. In any case I'll do my worship in the Grand Canyon.
Hey, the cross might be good as vampire repellent! (I'm an aspiring urban fantasy novelist.)
I do agree with what you posted. The problem I want to point out is that typically new converts are usually the most wackya$# about their religion especially in Christianity. Before anyone brings it up, yes I am atheist now but converted to Pentecostal Christianity when I was 15 and was really obsessed with it when I first converted. The church puts intense pressure on you to rid your life of existing sin especially sexual sin. I saw this happen to a friend who converted to the International Christian Church (one of the most-cult like denominations of Christianity.) This is likely the case with OP’s girl and I’d put money on it.
Your open minded approach is more for someone who has been in a more liberal denomination for years and doesn’t see “the world” as absolute evil (Pentecostal churches emphasize this heavy) but more a temporary state to travel through.
I am pretty liberal overall, not a left winger but definitely left of center. Part of it is that over the past two years, I have also dated religious men. They have, hands fown, been the strangest. Add ky ex into that equatiin, and I not longer care if someone is religious or nit as long as the values gap is not insurmountable. That said, there arebelief systems that would be insurmountable, but I am certainly not stuck at all on dating someone within my own brand of religion.
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Op...just have her work you over with her hands or mouth. Is she Ok with that?
She sounds too erratic and uncompromising. I'd move on to a stable gal if she wont work with you.
Personally, I would not want to be around gal that wont let me fondle her and feast on her. It is like having cheesecake dangled in your face and never getting a bite.
And really, what will she be like when she is older and not interested in sex? As a young gal she should be pestering you to devour her like a fat kid eating pizza.
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(I'm an aspiring urban fantasy novelist.)
