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Maybe I'm alone in feeling his way. She's not in the least bit "at his mercy".
To me, that's a spectacular way to spend an evening - but I'm a pool and lake sunset girl. And I like to be places where I can hear those I'm talking to.
July 4 is just around the corner, and if their relationship is beginning to pan out, there is no better place in Austin for fireworks! That area of town is very fun and . . . pretty pricey. So there's that indicator that he's at least able to support himself.
I agree you have to be accompanied by the resident, or at least have a gate code to get to the rooftop pool, but that does NOT imply that they go inside his apartment, even momentarily.
For people who are unable to comfortably say "actually, why don't you take me to the pool and I'll wait there while you go back to your apartment and get the stuff. Thanks", Then this wouldn't be the date for you. If you aren't comfortable declining going into his apartment, it is better to meet at a loud restaurant away from where they both live.
In my opinion, first dates with strangers should cost almost nothing in time and money and effort. Chances are high that you won't hit it off, and there's no call to spend real money on someone you don't like.
High end restaurants are for later in the relationship, when you've established that you are interested in each other and can plan a really fun evening celebrating together.
yes, well, her having to schlep over to his place is not "almost nothing" in terms of her time and effort. She's putting in a lot more time and effort then he is.* More equitable to meet somewhere in between or at least mutually agreed to in terms of convenience, for a drink or for coffee if dinner is too much. They can enjoy the pool and the view once they've met each other in person and maybe had a few other dates first.
* Plus I expect that lazy guy (whose suggestions were ALL about what was easier for him) would have told her to bring food for the picnic if she had agreed. He clearly agreed with you about almost nothing in time and money and effort, while making repeated suggestions at OP's expense in at least 2 if not 3 of those standards
I think it's clear that we all have to ditch lazy dates who bring nothing to the relationship and expect the other to bring it all.
Although a man, I am sure that some of my brothers care nothing except to spend as little as possible and get as much sex with as many women as possible.
They are the ones who die from STDs and leave healthy men like me to keep on fighting.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74
yes, well, her having to schlep over to his place is not "almost nothing" in terms of her time and effort. She's putting in a lot more time and effort then he is.* More equitable to meet somewhere in between or at least mutually agreed to in terms of convenience, for a drink or for coffee if dinner is too much. They can enjoy the pool and the view once they've met each other in person and maybe had a few other dates first.
* Plus I expect that lazy guy (whose suggestions were ALL about what was easier for him) would have told her to bring food for the picnic if she had agreed. He clearly agreed with you about almost nothing in time and money and effort, while making repeated suggestions at OP's expense in at least 2 if not 3 of those standards
I agree that other people aren't fascinated by an evening on a rooftop pool on Barton Springs Road.
I really do get that.
To me, that would absolutely jazz me, as a first date.
It even jazzes me now. If the OP were to privately text me where this is, for a small party, I'd be over there in a heartbeat. ;D
Different strokes for different folks. That is an absolute peach of a venue to be invited to.
You took this one way too far. Learn to feel your animal instincts. Nobody should ignore it when the feelings are wrong. You should have quit when your invitation for casual drinks was declined. He got his shot, you got your shot, for me the refusal would have been game over.
Quote:
I just want to make it clear that an online dating site cannot take any responsibility for events not on their site. Also, EVERY online dating site has some section where they discuss the do's and don'ts of dating safety. Every single one of them says you should meet in a public place and travel by your own means. And do not give out your home address!!!
Just an example, a woman wanted me to meet her at her house. That was just plain stupid and I told her why. She insisted, so what did I do? I called my BFF and gave her every last detail about this woman including her name and address and phone number (she also gave me her last name without my asking), I was covering myself even though I am a man. It may not happen often but men are not immune to coming to harm. It turned out she was okay and we had a great dinner. (The relationship dead ended.)
This has happened at least 3-4 times that women have given me their home addresses, even unasked. I've always told them, "Don't do that!!!" They were stupid and I hope none of them comes to harm. I'm okay but how would they know that before they met me?
Wow.... I didn't even give out my phone number until I'd met someone, much less my address!
It pays to be aware how much information is available online if someone knows where to look. I know that with a phone number, someone might be able to track down my address. (I own my home, so it's a matter of public record, can't be helped.)
If someone volunteered his phone number without me asking, I explained my policy. It usually was fine, and if it wasn't? I considered it a bullet dodged. If someone doesn't respect me having a reasonable concern for my safety and privacy, he's not the man for me. If someone pushes my boundaries too hard, again, not the man for me.
That didn't stop me from doing a little internet sleuthing if I was provided with a phone number without asking for it. I've discovered little things like criminal records and lies about relationship status that way.... the more you know, etc.
I made an exception to pick up someone at his house once, for our second meeting. My gut told me after our first meeting that he was an okay guy. I still made sure friends had his full name and address before I left. Said someone is now my SO, so in that case, following my gut telling me I was safe with him was okay... Sometimes you do just know.
OLD can be a little crazy. Wouldn't have found SO without it, but really glad to be done with it.
Wow.... I didn't even give out my phone number until I'd met someone, much less my address!
It pays to be aware how much information is available online if someone knows where to look. I know that with a phone number, someone might be able to track down my address. (I own my home, so it's a matter of public record, can't be helped.)
If someone volunteered his phone number without me asking, I explained my policy. It usually was fine, and if it wasn't? I considered it a bullet dodged. If someone doesn't respect me having a reasonable concern for my safety and privacy, he's not the man for me. If someone pushes my boundaries too hard, again, not the man for me.
That didn't stop me from doing a little internet sleuthing if I was provided with a phone number without asking for it. I've discovered little things like criminal records and lies about relationship status that way.... the more you know, etc.
I made an exception to pick up someone at his house once, for our second meeting. My gut told me after our first meeting that he was an okay guy. I still made sure friends had his full name and address before I left. Said someone is now my SO, so in that case, following my gut telling me I was safe with him was okay... Sometimes you do just know.
OLD can be a little crazy. Wouldn't have found SO without it, but really glad to be done with it.
Wow ain't that the truth, that OLD can get crazy.
I never sleuthed until a couple months ago. I had a woman orbiter and she gave me her work phone number (she was being stupid/cautious). It didn't occur to her that work numbers are often on the Internet. I Googled. She had told me she was in the medical industry (maybe a nurse) but I found Natalia works at a lending, real estate, or property management company, and get this! I found the phone list for that company and every person on the list (~25 people) had Russian surnames except her, and every person on the list had Russian given names. Russian mafia? IDK but I got the you know what outta there. I sent her one last message, "Do you know Borris .....?" (He's the CEO.) She never replied and I finally blocked her.
Another woman gave me her work number. We chatted. Very nice woman! Super smart! Quite friendly! I was chatting with my broheim (for 50 years) and when I gave her name and city and she's a CPA he replied, "No way!!!" He proceeded to describe details that he couldn't know unless it was true, he runs a business and she's his CPA! He said she lied about her age and she's at least 10 years older than I. How often can this happen? (In another topic Ms. Ripper and I certainly have mutual acquaintences). By the way, once I had her business I looked her up in the CPA index and found she worked from home, used Google maps and had a nice look at her house, Zillow says it's worth maybe $1.5M. Anyway I swore my friend to secrecy and hoped she'd forget about me; she did.
I save Googling for when I spot something fishy. I don't Google every date.
I give out my landline number if we wanna talk. I give out my Gmail if we wanna email. I don't give out my cell unless we are staging a date, need that to be able to contact her at the site of the date.
But getting back to what I said, I just feel sad when a woman gives me her home address. I have a good talk with them and tell them why that's dangerous, I doubt a single one of them listened to me. Yeah I'm a good guy, but how could they know that?
ETA:
I am retiring from my landlord business in December. I hope to meet my significant other by Christmas. When I'm safely out of my business (maybe March) I plan to change both my home and cell numbers, delete everybody related to business (except business partners who became friends) and everybody related to OLD (except SO), and then I'll call all my friends and update them with my new numbers.
Gmail? Meh... Gmail was always a tosser for me. I have my own server and a dozen domains, I can create infinite email addresses.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
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I don’t know why the OP even entertained the second guy when he was basically putting in flashing lights all he wanted was the panties. That one is kind of on her even though standing her up was inexcusable on dude’s part.
I don’t know why the OP even entertained the second guy when he was basically putting in flashing lights all he wanted was the panties. That one is kind of on her even though standing her up was inexcusable on dude’s part.
^^^^ Sorry, can't rep you, must spread some around.
It's in the official rules: You do not go to a person's residence for a first date. You will be going to a place they control.
There is just NO excuse for violating this rule!
Well I did it, but I'm a man and I made sure my BFF had the full 411 on the situation. The date worked out fine. We went to a fantastic restaurant, still memorable. We may have made out a bit after our our date but nothing serious. We never had that second date and story too complicated/boring to repeat. I still shed a tear when I see our happy in restaurant picture I have on a tack board.
Roof top liver just rematched me. I just sent him two messages telling him he was a jerk. He promptly unmatched me. But at least I got to tell him how I felt. ����*♀️
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,626 posts, read 17,961,729 times
Reputation: 50650
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashbeeigh
Roof top liver just rematched me. I just sent him two messages telling him he was a jerk. He promptly unmatched me. But at least I got to tell him how I felt. ����*♀️
Well, that's something, at least, I guess.
Good thing you got to be rude. That'll improve your life.
I really think he probably knows he's better off, that his picnic idea was rejected, and he can move on to other options.
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