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I was trying to find a way to approach him not to do it before we plan on being close.
Well, that should be easy! Just say something along the lines of "Hey Schmoopie, I love you and all but the smoke stank doesn't exactly put me in the mood, y'know? How 'bouts you lay off the smokes until after we uh... be close?"
I had to let my girlfriend know that for whatever strange reason I can't stand the smell of peanut butter on someone's breath (don't know why -- I looove peanut butter -- just squicks me out to smell it). She was surprised that it bothered me so much, but she now lays off the pb&j's. And I made it clear that it wasn't her that turned me off ... just the smell of peanut butter.
(And I didn't actually call her Schmoopie. I think that helped.) Seriously though, I would think the direct approach would work best here.
So what if he smoked or not when you married him? The point is he smokes and it bothers you (as it should)!
He is endangering his life, why would you want to be around someone who has so little respect for his life or health? Or for your health for that matter, second hand smoke is dangerous! Do you have children? I hope not.
You should be supportive of him quitting, but you should not be enabling him to smoke. Tell him you can not handle him killing himself every time he lights up. Be strong and firm. Obviously he is weak and that is why he can not stand up against his addiction. One day he will thank you for your strength.
My father used to smoke when he met my mother. Either while they were dating or soon after they got married, she told him that the smoke was bothering her. She said if he didn't quit, she'd start so that they could both die early. Needless to say, he quit cold turkey and hasn't smoked since ... before I was born.
However, it seems like your husband can't quit cold turkey. Would you give him the ultimatum "It's either me or the cigarettes?" With all the new smoking cessation products available, I'd think that something has to work. Maybe his doc can give advice? I've also heard that hypnosis has helped some people quit. Good luck.
Hi is not only shortening his life by smoking, but YOURS as well. If this bothers you a lot you need to make a stand. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you love him but do not feel like being close to him when he smokes. Ask him to please try something else (maybe hypnosis?) but to please quit for both of your sakes.
I can't stand it. It's such a nasty habit. He's tried stopping tons of times, but it never works. It's such a turn off kissing him. It's like kissing an ashtray. YUK! What do I do?
Don't whine. Don't badger. Don't show your temper. DON'T GIVE UP ON HIM!!!
I used to smoke 3 packs per day. I quit COLD TURKEY. It can be done.
That said each person is different. Your husband might need medication or counseling. But he will almost definitely NEED YOU. Let him know that you will help him to get through it, TOGETHER.
However, this is just too important to just give up on him.
However, it seems like your husband can't quit cold turkey.
Has it ever occurred to you that many people simply DON'T WANT to?! If not, try thinking outside your own lil' box for a change.
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