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Thank you for your input. I have shown him through texts that I am interested. I say things like "good morning handsome" and "i miss seeing you smile. maybe i can see it again someday?" to which he relied "of course! " Is it possible that he would still come over tomorrow if he wasn't interested? I'm just not used to a guy like this. I am used to a very toxic, unrespectful guy.
In my expert(?) opinion, his asking to be close to you on the couch and lingering for a peck on the cheek or something was his way of being forward. Not really "forward" but that might be as forward as you'll get.
When he was turned down, he probably assumed mixed signals. If I was in his shoes, I'd say "Ok, I just opened up to her, she's not interested like that - let me back off." That doesn't mean if you want his attention you need to jump his bones or whatever the term is. He's probably just real careful of walking that fine line in case he thinks his subtle cues ARE being received and you are rejecting them.
I'm saying this from personal experience. This was sort of how my wife and I "courted." I can't find a better term, and I swear I wasn't born in 1930 or whenever people used the term "courted." I was treading lightly since I didn't know how she felt. And at some point, she reached in to kiss me and I was actually completely stunned and pretty much fumbled the opportunity. Something I still regret, but she was understanding. I guess I had assumed she didn't like me like that and was just happy to be in my company. We misread each others' signs.
You are overthinking. He seems to be a good guy and very interested. Enjoy your time with him and no more talking about ex bf. Good luck!
I haven't talked about my ex since we started talking again. I'm completely over him - finally! I knew the new guy was into me before we met but after that he started pulling away a bit and had me wondering if there was something I did wrong. I just don't understand why he isn't texting me first anymore. He used to text me good morning everyday until 2 days after we met, then he stopped. But on the other hand, why would he want to see me again if he isn't interested? I'm so confused!
He isn't in this for the sex either, we've already talked about it before we met the first time. He wanted to wait until we are comfortable, as do I.
It sounds like he may have the impression that you just want to be friends.
I don't understand this theory some posters have, that he feels like he's been friend-zoned. They've only had one date. How can someone feel friend-zoned after just one date? And a very good date, chemistry-wise, at that. Any guy who's in such a hurry to move the relationship forward on the first date, is a guy whose motives are suspect, IMO. Or did I miss something in the story? Were there other dates, at an earlier stage?
When he was turned down, he probably assumed mixed signals. If I was in his shoes, I'd say "Ok, I just opened up to her, she's not interested like that - let me back off." That doesn't mean if you want his attention you need to jump his bones or whatever the term is. He's probably just real careful of walking that fine line in case he thinks his subtle cues ARE being received and you are rejecting them.
So when I see him tomorrow, should I say something like "i'm sorry if I gave you mixed signals last time you were here. I am very shy at times but I really do like you. I think you are adorable, charming, and very respectful and I love your smile!" ???????
So when I see him tomorrow, should I say something like "i'm sorry if I gave you mixed signals last time you were here. I am very shy at times but I really do like you. I think you are adorable, charming, and very respectful and I love your smile!" ???????
I AM SO NEW TO THIS DATING THING!!!!
Wait and see how things start off on the date. Play it by ear. See how the conversation goes. See how everything goes. It think it's weird that he somehow clairvoyantly knows in advance that he won't be hungry, and won't need dinner that evening. Stagemomma may be onto something.
BTW, what is the date plan for tomorrow? Is he expecting to spend the whole evening at your place, or was there an activity in town planned? I think, that if you come up with an activity (museum, art gallery walk, anything, and add "if we get hungry, we can grab a bite to eat somewhere), and he balks, and says "I don't feel like doing much; let's stay here", Stagemomma's theory will start moving into focus. (If he doesn't feel like doing much, why was a date set in the first place? Unless......... )
BTW, what is the date plan for tomorrow? Is he expecting to spend the whole evening at your place, or was there an activity in town planned? I think, that if you come up with an activity (museum, art gallery walk, anything, and add "if we get hungry, we can grab a bite to eat somewhere), and he balks, and says "I don't feel like doing much; let's stay here", Stagemomma's theory will start moving into focus. (If he doesn't feel like doing much, why was a date set in the first place? Unless......... )
The plan is for him to come to my house after work...what we did last time after dinner was go back to my house and we just hung out for about 4 hours. We didn't do anything and he is not in it for the sex. We have already discussed it and he is on the same page as me. He can't walk around much because he has a sprained ankle. I think he might just be one of those people that are awkward about eating at other people's houses. Last time he was there, I offered him water and snacks and he said he was all set.
I haven't talked about my ex since we started talking again. I'm completely over him - finally! I knew the new guy was into me before we met but after that he started pulling away a bit and had me wondering if there was something I did wrong. I just don't understand why he isn't texting me first anymore. He used to text me good morning everyday until 2 days after we met, then he stopped. But on the other hand, why would he want to see me again if he isn't interested? I'm so confused!
He isn't in this for the sex either, we've already talked about it before we met the first time. He wanted to wait until we are comfortable, as do I.
Maybe he's not seriously interested, he just wants to see how far he can get with you. Maybe all the texting in the first stage was about catching YOUR interest, for a first meet, to scope you out better (and maybe see how far he could take it?), and once he'd achieved the first meet, he figured he no longer had to put in as much effort. So he suggested a second date, to see how far he could push you, and if it doesn't go anywhere (to his way of thinking), that's the last you'll see/hear of him. Maybe.
News flash: some men lie about wanting to "take things slowly", or about not being in it for sex, or about looking for an LTR vs. a booty call, or whatever phrasing they choose.
Still, let's hope for the best. If you're right about him, that would be great. Can't walk around much due to a sprained ankle. Interesting. You could suggest a movie (in an actual theater), if that's the case...
I don't understand this theory some posters have, that he feels like he's been friend-zoned. They've only had one date. How can someone feel friend-zoned after just one date? And a very good date, chemistry-wise, at that. Any guy who's in such a hurry to move the relationship forward on the first date, is a guy whose motives are suspect, IMO. Or did I miss something in the story? Were there other dates, at an earlier stage?
Well, if you are asking me, I would say that in this case, it may be because when they first met, many of their conversations revolved around the OP's feelings about her ex, and because when she felt he was lingering at the door in hopes of a kiss, she told him to drive safely. I can see how a guy who isn't into being pushy might take that as an indication that romance is not in the cards. I could be wrong, but am trying to see it from both points of view.
So, he asked for a second date. Did he suggest an activity? Or did he just say, "I'd like to see you again"?
He actually didn't ask me for a second date. It was kind of a mutual thing. So, it went like this:
Occasion 1:
Me: "I had a really great time with you. Hopefully I can see you again soon."
Him: "I had a really great time too. And yes "
Occasion 2:
Me: "I miss seeing you smile"
Him: "Haha awww"
Me: "Maybe I can see it again someday?"
Him: "Of course! "
Occasion 3:
Him "I'm cranky. I'm so hungry. Hangry"
Me: "Aww. The pulled pork won't be ready until 8 or 9 tonight, I don't know if that's too late for you but you're welcome to come over"
Him: "Ahhh it will be too late"
Me: "Oh well. Another time!:
Him: "Mmhmm. Definitely"
Me: " What day works for you?"
Him: "Idk. Tomorrow or whenever you get out of work at 3:30."
Me: "I get out at 3:30 on Tuesday"
Him: "Ok. Tuesday then"
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" Is it possible that he would still come over tomorrow if he wasn't interested? I'm just not used to a guy like this. I am used to a very toxic, unrespectful guy.
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