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I don't have to worry about that. I was brought up, and I brought my sons up the same way, to not ever in a million years talk about somebody like that. They're just as much as a person as anybody else. To me, looks don't mean hardly anything. I'd rather have what you call "ugly" instead of somebody who acts like you and your girlfriend. And I was proud of my oldest son in his high school years. We were at the school for a ball game and he and some of his buddies were standing around. A girl in their class walked by and a couple of the boys laughed and pointed at her and started calling her a "fat, ugly thing". My son spun around and told them to shut that up and quit calling her names like that.
The bad thing about this world is there are too many clowns like you out there.
Did your son ask her out and have a relationship with her?
That's what we're talking about here.
It's truly lovely to defend someone against bullies; what we're talking about here is whether you want to be in a romantic relationship - even a long term one - with someone who is not considered physically attractive if you can attract someone who is.
Why are people getting offended because of what the gf said when men reject women because of their looks every day? LOL
Well, I think the original question was how the OP should deal with telling his friend that the girlfriend doesn't want to set him up.
Also, you can decline a date with someone without being unkind, and this applies to both sexes. There' nothing wrong with not being attracted to another person, but flat-out calling them ugly is just mean. Some things really are better left unsaid.
And, regarding telling him what your girlfriend said....No. He doesn't need to know how unkind your girlfriend is....And you may want to make note of that too.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,784,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pretty in black
Why are people getting offended because of what the gf said when men reject women because of their looks every day? LOL
Sure but have I ever said, "no, I won't go out with her, she is ugly" or anything along those lines. Nope. Never have. Never would. That is straight up classless.
Did anyone say that it is not ok to have an opinion on how anyone looks? No, they never did.
There is something referred to as being classy and gracious though. I could never even freaking fathom saying no, I won't go out with _____, she is ugly. That would make me a (honest person).
Filled it in for you. She didn't say it to his face. She gave her bf the unsweetened truth so that the bf can deliver the reality in whatever sweetened version he chooses. Should she have sugarcoated it? What would that have accomplished? Sometimes the greater sin is to give someone false hope.
Looks matter to most people to some degree. Why does this friend even want to be hooked up with her girlfriends if he doesn't actually know them? Because he's seen them and they are "hot"? Or do you think he heard they got really high grades in physics and that is just so arousing?
And I'd tell the friend, this isn't India where relationships are arranged, you have to "hook up" yourself. That neither he nor his gf want to get involved in matchmaking. Furthermore, his approach is all wrong. You don't just pick a girl - any girl will do - from a circle of friends like you're picking a puppy from a litter. The friend needs to meet girls on his own, get to know them a bit, then decide who he is or is not interested in taking it further with.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,784,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
Filled it in for you. She didn't say it to his face. She gave her bf the unsweetened truth so that the bf can deliver the reality in whatever sweetened version he chooses. Should she have sugarcoated it? What would that have accomplished? Sometimes the greater sin is to give someone false hope.
There is nothing gained by being a rude, horrible, person. Saying something behind someone's back or to a third person doesn't make it much less rude. If someone isn't interested in someone for ANY reason, its fine to say I'm not interested in going out with them, or they're not my type, or any number of clear messages that don't involve being a horrible person. There is no false hopes in such a scenario. The REAL truth is that she isn't interested in going out with the guy, her OPINION is that he is ugly. There is zero advantage in giving her opinion rudely in this context.
A little class goes a long way, but the people involved here clearly have none.
Not necessarily. This is not a rule, but many people claim it is. The people who usually claim it is are people that have heard this phrase a lot from women and gotten rejected, so I'm really shocked a ladies man such as yourself has heard this one a lot.
This sometimes could be used to describe someone who a person just isn't aligned with in any ways. It could be lifestyle wise or it could be looks. It's not a rule. I've met a lot of women that are REALLY attractive and very easy on the eyes, yet they've done or do things that just turn me off of them. I don't actually use the term ''Not my type'' because I don't really have a type. I like different ''Types'', but I know this phrase isn't relegated to just looks.
I agree but I also think that a person who thinks of themself as ugly is probably going to interpret it as being about their looks. The OP knows his friend better than we do and if he thinks the friend is going to see it as a code word for "you're too ugly" he is probably right in this case.
There is nothing gained by being a rude, horrible, person. Saying something behind someone's back or to a third person doesn't make it much less rude. If someone isn't interested in someone for ANY reason, its fine to say I'm not interested in going out with them, or they're not my type, or any number of clear messages that don't involve being a horrible person. There is no false hopes in such a scenario. The REAL truth is that she isn't interested in going out with the guy, her OPINION is that he is ugly. There is zero advantage in giving her opinion rudely in this context.
A little class goes a long way, but the people involved here clearly have none.
There is nothing gained in being vague. Let's just suppose the gf had said what you suggested, that her friends are just not interested, or that her friends said he was not their type. Where does that leave the OP when his friend asks the inevitable "why not, what type am I?". More fudging if not lying.
Either way, it comes down to what the OP tells his friend not what the gf says to the OP. This whole mess exists because the OP gave his friend false hope and agreed to involve his gf. He should have told his friend that relationships are about more than looks, and that he has to meet girls on his own.
Sure but have I ever said, "no, I won't go out with her, she is ugly" or anything along those lines. Nope. Never have. Never would. That is straight up classless.
Of course you're right.
However, just thinking it indicates that looks DO matter more than some try to make us believe and results in the same thing...no date because of it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,784,331 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
There is nothing gained in being vague. Let's just suppose the gf had said what you suggested, that her friends are just not interested, or that her friends said he was not their type. Where does that leave the OP when his friend asks the inevitable "why not, what type am I?". More fudging if not lying.
Either way, it comes down to what the OP tells his friend not what the gf says to the OP. This whole mess exists because the OP gave his friend false hope and agreed to involve his gf. He should have told his friend that relationships are about more than looks, and that he has to meet girls on his own.
There is nothing vague or fudging about saying one is not interested. Nothing at all. There is nothing gained in being freaking rude or cruel.
The guy tells his friend that she wasn't interested. The end. That's it. That's the truth, it is not rude, and there is no ambiguity. If the person asked the dude why she isn't, he says, again, the direct truth: "she said she wasn't interested, if you want to know why, go ask her". Of course, no one with a clue asks why someone isn't interested, they listen to them and move on. Why someone says no to a date isn't relevant or important.
Of course, this is fictional anyway.
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