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Not a betrayal, but my question is, why did it come up then? Is this not something they would have discussed prior to the move-in date?
He's apparently known her long enough to know that she's inclined to travel often. Why does it have to be discussed at all? When I'm involved with a guy I assume that he will occasionally do things, including travel, without me.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 06-19-2018 at 02:05 PM..
Not a betrayal, but my question is, why did it come up then? Is this not something they would have discussed prior to the move-in date?
Why? It has nothing to do with living together. Rent, housework, food etc has to do with living together. People don't agree to spend all their time together and share everything just because they live together.
Trying to be sympathetic to his point of view, but it's tough.
If her female friends are total party girls always on the prowl and hooking up with random men, I can see where that might give him pause. For some reason, I doubt that's the case here.
Is she expecting him to pay for her solo trip(s)? I can see where that could be a legit issue.... but again, kind of doubt that's the issue.
Grown ups should be able to do things and go places independently. My daughter is in Italy with 3 girlfriends right now. Last summer, her husband took their son and some friends to Europe. They have been married for 20+ years though.
I think the OP is in a new relationship and doesn’t understand why the girlfriend would rather be with others instead of him. He is right to feel uneasy about that. It sounds like she’s not that into him.
That's good for them, but everyone is different. He isn't comfortable with it, and he is seeing warning signs. They may not be compatible and he should find someone who doesn't give him warning signs.
I was very cautious about girlfriends and had several abuse freedoms.
My wife, on the other hand, does not give me warning signs and I'm very ok with her doing things like girls trips to exotic locations.
Only an overly jealous and possessive control freak would be concerned about it.
Or someone who has been cheated on multiple times in the past?
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And yet, he would probably be the first to jump into a car with a bunch of guy-friends and head out to Las Vegas or Reno for a weekend without her.
He's either incredibly immature or has serious mental and emotional issues, for which he needs help, if he ever wants a successful relationship.
It's a girlfriend, not a dog; it doesn't obey commands simply because he barks.
You realize that you are making an ASSUMPTION then basing your entire judgement on that assumption?
People come here looking for help and advice, it is disappointing when people assume that the person is the cause of the problem and they are blamed, rather than being given help.
It would be reasonable to list a string of possibilities, INCLUDING asking him to look inward and make sure he isn't being controlling, possessive or jealous, but to assume that is the only possible answer and to assume things about him and to chide him seems kind of rude.
That's good for them, but everyone is different. He isn't comfortable with it, and he is seeing warning signs. They may not be compatible and he should find someone who doesn't give him warning signs.
I was very cautious about girlfriends and had several abuse freedoms.
My wife, on the other hand, does not give me warning signs and I'm very ok with her doing things like girls trips to exotic locations.
So there are different views to this...
If he's feeling warning signs, how does cancelling a trip THAT'S ALREADY PAID FOR help? That's a huge big baby move.
The way I see it, he's the one giving off warning signs.
Not a betrayal, but my question is, why did it come up then? Is this not something they would have discussed prior to the move-in date?
I would expect important, big ticket items to be discussed prior to moving in - expectations of how the relationship will progress (remain status quo, eventually get married, etc.), life goals, be on the same page regarding children, and how finances will be handled.
How trips and vacations are to be handled is not a big ticket item. I mean you can't map out how everything they encounter will be handled prior to moving in. I would also go in with the assumption that there will be times when either will want to take the occasional trip without the other. IMO, it's abnormal and stifling to not be able to go on the occasional trip without your SO.
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