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I book marked this particular article(s) because this author was on the TODAY show talking about how women need to be more realistic in what they seek. The author is a woman, and her book
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
It was funny, when she did a survey of men vs. women, men gave like 3 or 4 basic things they are looking for in a woman. With women, they'd express thousands of things (mostly superficial) that they wouldn't date a guy. Like he wore mismatched belt and pants or he did an Austin Powers impression.
She thinks women sabotage themselves when it comes to choosing a partner? So even she, a woman, recognizes how many women really are always so quickly to write off a dating prospect.
In this country, it can't be neat nor black and white but age and self-esteem/ even perceived beauty based on society standards really do factor into this. I was overweight most of my life, attractive with good enough self-esteem but not unrealistic about how my options were in how many men I was meeting and even what I would cut, etc. I met my husband, lost a ton of weight (not for my husband but actually met my husband because I started losing weight so there was a confidence factor there). I was completely dedicated to my then boyfriend [now husband] but let me state emphatically that when I went down to about 130 lbs at the age of 32, got a long hair weave that even bowled hubby over at the time and became physically fit, the world according to the male species changed. Men were holding doors, being nice when in lines at even gas stations, were more respectful and co-workers came out of the wordwork telling me if things didn't work out with my boyfriend they were available. I never got that attention before from that species and I even saw my boyfriend/hubby get a bit jealous for the first time. My views of wants or needs never changed but I can say that if I had gotten this for some years as a single person, it would have affected what I would have 'negotiated' with and the priorities.
My husband was from Italy so at the time, this was a long-distance relationship. In his country, this was a bit different but only to an extreme one was or another. It did seem more superficial then this country (and this one seemed pretty superficial to me). Young women were really stunning there and took this seriously. I rode the trains a lot and watched Italian men ogle any nice looking young woman with some notice and unabashadly. Women whom I thought were attractive but had the unfortunate position of being a bit overweight or not close to stunning were pretty much not even glanced at and most of the time were alone.
I used to talk to many women from italy in Rome on the trains and it was so funny this very topic always came up. One thing I have to say about Italian women is they know their power on men and laugh it off or will use it. In that way, it really was kind of fun for me to see over the years visiting there. I would talk to many of them about my long-distance relationship (Americans in Rome usually can have anyone there strike up a conversation and my relationship was of extreme interest when I would talk to the women). I have an amazing husband and I felt the same about my then boyfriend and fiance. I would talk a lot about it and more then once the response would be, "Where are these amazing men? [laugh] does he have a friend or brother? Here, in my country? [laugh]" I would show a pic. My husband was and is a nice looking very geeky and awkward man. It showed in the photos and the responses after this were very funny to me. They usually went along the lines of laughter and then a very easy, "Oh, this is why. I like the boys who are pretty. They are never good for long to me but I still need the pretty boys [belli regazzi]. One said she even wished she could look after the pretty face but it just wasn't in there or would shrug.
When older, honestly, there seem to be more men alone and I did comment this to my husband whom said it was a marked difference to him in our country as well. I don't know the reason; my husband says ties to the family/matriarch for the day and age of Italian men now can be a factor as forty years ago still held a lot of very traditional family ties there. But, if they were married at this age, they stayed married. No matter the nightly shouting, husbandly escapes, etc. lol. Women single that were older did seem to just be single. While not a rule, it did seem the norm. I even said to my husband after we lived there and got to know the area a bit and our neighbors, that it was a shame as there were a lot of single men and women in their forties or so whom just don't notice each other. BUT these men did still very obviously notice the younger stunning women walking the streets or waiting for the trains. In our country, I think that's a lot different. I see many more women my age and in their mid thirties whom get out there and date other men of the same age whom are of the same mindset. Maybe setting the bar a bit lower and 'settling' more.
Just my take however even as a now overweight almost 50 year old married woman living in the states here again, I will get a couple men whom approach me before they can take in the small wedding band I wear. Hubby even notices this actually. Not a thing that happens a lot but much more then it did twenty years ago.
I book marked this particular article(s) because this author was on the TODAY show talking about how women need to be more realistic in what they seek. The author is a woman, and her book
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
It was funny, when she did a survey of men vs. women, men gave like 3 or 4 basic things they are looking for in a woman. With women, they'd express thousands of things (mostly superficial) that they wouldn't date a guy. Like he wore mismatched belt and pants or he did an Austin Powers impression.
She thinks women sabotage themselves when it comes to choosing a partner? So even she, a woman, recognizes how many women really are always so quickly to write off a dating prospect.
I read the book 7 years ago and I liked it. I thought it made sense. I started dating someone shortly after who was the kind of guy that the book makes a case for "settling" for. However, I couldn't do it.
The word "settling" was invented by this stupid, completely unrealistic show that for some reason American women go crazy about. The right word is compromise. And everyone has to be flexible, be willing to compromise, occasionally be unhappy about something in order to sustain a long term relationship...
I read the book 7 years ago and I liked it. I thought it made sense. I started dating someone shortly after who was the kind of guy that the book makes a case for "settling" for. However, I couldn't do it.
And yes, I'm still single 7 years later. lol
Well, it's about high time you give such another guy another shot then. ;-) Not getting any younger, right?
The word "settling" was invented by this stupid, completely unrealistic show that for some reason American women go crazy about. The right word is compromise. And everyone has to be flexible, be willing to compromise, occasionally be unhappy about something in order to sustain a long term relationship...
Right, depends on how one defines "settling". When that's not even an appropriate word to be using.
They figure if they date a man that's less than 6 feet tall, that's "Settling" when it really is not.
"Settling" just means finally figuring out you aren't actually "all that."
And it applies to both genders.
I'm not sure it's that. I don't think I'm "all that", but I still can't force feelings for someone who I don't have those kinds of feelings for just because they're willing to give me the time of day.
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