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Not all relationships need to lead to marriage, partnership, commitment.
One is more willing to accept this when one is a bit older. When one is younger in one's 20's and 30's, one is often looking for marriage or long-term commitment - which is fine and natural.
After one has been married before, one is not always looking for a marriage commitment or guarantee of long-term.
If one is not looking for marriage or long-term commitment, then one can just carry on with someone like the OP's boyfriend and just enjoy what it is. OP wants to protect her feelings, not be hurt, and not feel used.
It's sort of a mindset. If OP were someone who wanted just to enjoy a friendship/relationship, she could proceed and do that. But OP is in her late 20's (would need to go back and check age) and looking for more, which is natural.
I once had an 8 year relationship with a man I knew I would never marry and knew I would never want to marry. He wasn't marriage material. He had great attributes though.
I think the OP's boyfriend might be scared. He might come around.
Wow! The things I learn here! I never heard of that before but now that you mention it I'll have to understand it and factor it in!
I wish this relationship stuff could be simple. You know, like getting my college degree...
Or maybe matisse12 is just making stuff up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12
Not all relationships need to lead to marriage, partnership, commitment.
One is more willing to accept this when one is a bit older. When one is younger in one's 20's and 30's, one is often looking for marriage or long-term commitment - which is fine and natural.
After one has been married before, one is not always looking for a marriage commitment or guarantee of long-term.
If one is not looking for marriage or long-term commitment, then one can just carry on with someone like the OP's boyfriend and just enjoy what it is. OP wants to protect her feelings, not be hurt, and not feel used.
It's sort of a mindset. If OP were someone who wanted just to enjoy a friendship/relationship, she could proceed and do that. But OP is in her late 20's (would need to go back and check age) and looking for more, which is natural.
I once had an 8 year relationship with a man I knew I would never marry and knew I would never want to marry. He wasn't marriage material. He had great attributes though.
I think the OP's boyfriend might be scared. He might come around.
What is your evidence that the OP's boyfriend has been married before? What makes you think he's scared, and what is he scared of?
You misinterpreted.....I am not saying the boyfriend was previously married. I was just voicing ideas and how I view some things. Your hostility is vastly misplaced and conjured up out of nothing.
push-pull in relationships is a widely known psychological concept, and a concept in relationships which is widely discussed in psychological iiterature and articles.
I said the boyfriend might be scared. He might be, he might not be. I did not definitively state that he is scared.
You misinterpreted.....I am not saying the boyfriend was previously married. I was just voicing ideas and how I view some things. Your hostility is vastly misplaced and conjured up out of nothing.
push-pull in relationships is a widely known psychological concept, and a concept in relationships which is widely discussed in psychological iiterature and articles.
I said the boyfriend might be scared. He might be, he might not be. I did not definitively state that he is scared.
He might be a lot of things, but he's acting like a horse's rear end and treating the OP badly.
The answer to your question is in the OP. Read it. Why is it always the woman's fault?
"Always" is an overstatement. Even so, the woman is in charge in most relationships nowadays. And with great power comes great responsibility. Which includes being blamed when something goes wrong.
The OP's guy friend is far from an angel, I'll give you that. But still.
"Always" is an overstatement. Even so, the woman is in charge in most relationships nowadays. And with great power comes great responsibility. Which includes being blamed when something goes wrong.
The OP's guy friend is far from an angel, I'll give you that. But still.
Good grief! One always has to be so careful on CD. Now we can have a 10 pg. hijack about the use of "always". People like to argue about figures of speech. MOST (OK?) suggestions have blamed the woman, as you have in this very thread.
Good grief! One always has to be so careful on CD. Now we can have a 10 pg. hijack about the use of "always". People like to argue about figures of speech. MOST (OK?) suggestions have blamed the woman, as you have in this very thread.
OK, I retract my statement about the word "always". But with power comes responsibility. If a woman is in charge of the relationship, it's only fair for her to shoulder the blame if/when it goes south.
"Always" is an overstatement. Even so, the woman is in charge in most relationships nowadays. And with great power comes great responsibility. Which includes being blamed when something goes wrong.
The OP's guy friend is far from an angel, I'll give you that. But still.
There you go again with spouting that stuff. If you think that is true then please provide some supporting evidence other than your personal opinion.
Or just admit you are stating an opinion. You've got a right to one even if it's wrong.
I'm sick of this evil women theory. Women are half the human race. You can't exactly not deal with half of the human race! It's not an option!
I have a better idea. Sleep with the enemy. That way everybody is happy.
Good grief! One always has to be so careful on CD. Now we can have a 10 pg. hijack about the use of "always". People like to argue about figures of speech. MOST (OK?) suggestions have blamed the woman, as you have in this very thread.
Are you sure all 10 pages are nothing but hijack? If all 100-ish posts are a hijack, then what was the OP?
OMG! I just realized... I can't remember what the OP was about because why?
There you go again with spouting that stuff. If you think that is true then please provide some supporting evidence other than your personal opinion.
Or just admit you are stating an opinion. You've got a right to one even if it's wrong.
I'm sick of this evil women theory. Women are half the human race. You can't exactly not deal with half of the human race! It's not an option!
I have a better idea. Sleep with the enemy. That way everybody is happy.
Being in charge in and of itself does not make a person evil. Is your boss evil because you report to him/her? No! It just gives him/her more power (and more responsibility). Is your boss evil when he/she exploits you. Yes. Same with with women in relationships. A woman is not "evil" just by being in charge. She's only "evil" if she treats her man poorly.
Oh, and "sleep with the enemy"? I said in another thread that I find the idea of sex as pleasant as the idea of a colonoscopy.
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Being in charge in and of itself does not make a person evil. Is your boss evil because you report to him/her? No! It just gives him/her more power (and more responsibility). Is your boss evil when he/she exploits you. Yes. Same with with women in relationships. A woman is not "evil" just by being in charge. She's only "evil" if she treats her man poorly.
I said in another thread that I find the idea of sex as pleasant as the idea of a colonoscopy.
