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Old 06-19-2018, 04:33 PM
 
1 posts, read 475 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello!

I'm medically retired from the military and get enough to live on. I have my own 2 bedroom douplex. Im 23 and have a hard time with relationships due to my mental health xyz BUT i am interested in looking. I met my ex wife and most recent gf on POF. I am still friends with these people and have had good luck on dating apps. I havent logged onto anything for months though, becuause of this issue:

I am not working but i want a woman who does work (atleast part time). I want her to work partially to help with bills if we move together (ive never lived with someone who had a job) but more importantly for me is that i want her to value money, work ethic and not be a typical millennial.

SO, is it unreasonable for me to be a homebody but expect a future gf to work or am i being unrealistic. If so, give an opinion of a solution. Thanks!
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Old 06-19-2018, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
4,854 posts, read 5,118,318 times
Reputation: 8761
Tony, with all due respect, shut off the computer and get out and get involved in the activities of your choice!
If you like to cycle, join a cycling group! Attend your church of choice! Go to meet-ups that interest you. Avoid the bars. But anything else that's positive: river clean ups and the like will attract good women who have jobs.

Don't worry about meeting women right off the bat. Concentrate on making friends and let everyone know that you're looking for a nice lady around your age.

If you will go to 3 - 4 gatherings each week over the next few weeks, you'll meet some good people, and your social life will take off.

Avoid trying to meet women online. There are a number of problems. Just get out and attend those gatherings. It won't take long since it's summer.
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Old 06-19-2018, 09:35 PM
 
Location: NY
385 posts, read 84,423 times
Reputation: 470
Listen Pal,
The last thing you should worry about is hooking up with some dame.
Besides,Ain't no broad looking for a helmet head who ain't working.
They usually want it the other way around. Your best bet since you're
still a young buck is get yourself together and grow,grow grow.
Get out in the world. Do something.Anything. Enjoy yourself.
When you can get around the day with more smiling than frowning
that's will be the time when all good things fall into place.
Good Luck and God Bless you Soldier.
Thankyou for your service.
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Old 06-20-2018, 10:23 AM
 
Location: North Carolina - Ex-NYer
869 posts, read 376,007 times
Reputation: 973
Bruh lol. Last thing you need is to try and find love online.
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Old 06-20-2018, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
20,758 posts, read 21,862,593 times
Reputation: 42935
Quote:
Originally Posted by tony2026 View Post
Hello!

I'm medically retired from the military and get enough to live on. I have my own 2 bedroom douplex. Im 23 and have a hard time with relationships due to my mental health xyz BUT i am interested in looking. I met my ex wife and most recent gf on POF. I am still friends with these people and have had good luck on dating apps. I havent logged onto anything for months though, becuause of this issue:

I am not working but i want a woman who does work (atleast part time). I want her to work partially to help with bills if we move together (ive never lived with someone who had a job) but more importantly for me is that i want her to value money, work ethic and not be a typical millennial.

SO, is it unreasonable for me to be a homebody but expect a future gf to work or am i being unrealistic. If so, give an opinion of a solution. Thanks!
You're only 23--what are your plans for the next 50 years? You may be retired and have enough to live on, but any potential partner might also want someone with a work ethic and a little ambition. Are you in treatment for your mental health? When you say you're a homebody does that mean in a relationship you're going to do most of the cooking, cleaning, potential childcare, etc as a stay-at-home spouse?

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 06-20-2018 at 03:29 PM..
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Old 06-20-2018, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,119 posts, read 11,023,176 times
Reputation: 28764
thank you for your service.


Be aware of girls who see you get by without working and who want a piece of that. You may not be wealthy but there are scammers nonetheless.
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Old 06-20-2018, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Colorado
8,556 posts, read 5,731,202 times
Reputation: 15774
There is nothing wrong with wanting a woman who works, when you can't or don't. But there are a couple of things...without these things, it will fail. Probably messily.

1. You have to do the housework. If she works full time, you do too...at home. Or at least, the job is done well. If your standards of housekeeping are not that high, and she feels like she has to work and then come home and clean so the place isn't a pit, then she will resent you. Fast. A lot. If you end up having a kid, or kids, or pets, that work grows.

Frankly, not all men are good at the whole stay-at-home partner thing. Well, not all women are, either. It isn't the right choice for everyone. But if you're going to do it, do it right.

However...it could help a lot, if you had separate finances and she worked only to pay her share, and your share, comes out of your disability pay, and then it doesn't feel like you're a burden on her. You know?

2. You mentioned mental health struggles. This is a big deal, dude. I hope you are seeing a therapist? I know the VA has centers where you can go for that. It was the biggest factor in my ex (who is a vet) blowing up and going really violently nuts that he got out of the military (disability!) and he stayed home and did nothing but smoke weed and drink and game. While I worked. The lack of structure and purpose, after having so much structure and purpose in the military, can really wreck your head. So on top of not doing much of anything, he was also being nasty to everyone, and throwing tantrums constantly... And I believe that if he had done as I begged him to do, and found something, anything, to get out and do every day with his time, that this would not have gone the way it did. Even if it's not a job, some kind of volunteerism or a very engaging hobby. Anything.

My present boyfriend is a much older man, and will probably retire long before I do. I have no issue with this, but I suggested that in retirement, he might pursue his lifelong dream and hobby of photography. Open up a little studio or do commissioned shoots, whatever. Just enough to stay busy. Even if it's not profitable, if we can afford it and it keeps him happy and sane, it's worthwhile.

So please consider that if you aren't doing anything productive with your time, it might be contributing to your mental health issues, and address that before you start a new relationship. What you want is not impossible, but you will have to be a worthwhile partner, take responsibility for yourself, and pull your own weight in a partnership, for it to work.
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Old 06-20-2018, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,642 posts, read 23,118,971 times
Reputation: 21395
If you're financially responsible it's not hypocritical to want a mate who's financially responsible, no.
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Old 06-20-2018, 03:56 PM
 
3,114 posts, read 1,033,790 times
Reputation: 7265
In a partnership, usually 2 people bring SOMETHING to the table. What will you bring to the table? Your pension and duplex? That's great. Sincerely. Most women will be happy to know your independent.


However, most women are NOT OK with being the sole winner, AND expected to do everything else. So...what will you bring to the relationship?
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Old 06-20-2018, 04:08 PM
 
14,962 posts, read 12,723,710 times
Reputation: 32671
23...has already had live-in relationships,with more than one woman, mental illness serious enough to be discharged and receive disability...

Why do you feel you're good relationship material?

PS. Don't most women your age have jobs/careers? Or do you live somewhere where most people are on welfare?
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