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He's probably lonely...a year into the marriage and he still only sees his wife a few days a month? Of all the ways he could stave off loneliness, this seems like one of the best options, doesn't it?
A lot of people live alone and they socialize with friends regularly and aren't lonely.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,630 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50652
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint
A lot of new husbands have all these ideas that even though they are married they can treat the home as a bachelor pad. They act like children, putting their friends above their wives. Even though it is HER house too, they want to continue living "their way".
To be fair, he is living as a bachelor. She's not there, and she isn't specific (maybe she doesn't know) how long he will be living that way. Years? Maybe immigration will never be worked out? Don't know.
The OP seems gone from this thread, but it's NOT "her house". She is apparently paying nothing, evidenced by the fact that in desperation to convince him to move she's offered some financial support. She doesn't live there and never had lived there. It's a part of a house that her husband, whom she's never lived with, is renting from a friend.
Freaking out over the use of a pillow and blanket seems extreme to me. We have these new-fangled inventions called washing machines and dryers. A lot of them even have sanitizing settings.
Your man is compassionate. Don't punish him for that. I've been in the situation where I was relentlessly chewed out for an act of compassion, and it's a real WTF moment. Kind of makes you wonder about the character of the person who fails to appreciate good and worthwhile acts done out of empathy for another being. I divorced that dude.... Not only for that reason, but it was an eye opener at the beginning of the end.
Is that what you want? Do you want to drive a wedge between you because he's doing something NICE?
Suck it up, buttercup. There's a lot worse things he could be doing when you're not around than extending hospitality to a friend who is down on his luck.
he used your pillow and blanket so now you don't want your husbands friend staying there.
This makes no sense. Your husband is a big boy, it's his house, your status is still pending via immigration even if you are just married. These are not the actions of someone who respects their husband but a very controlling wife. Hopefully you will back off when immigration completes. You are lucky you landed an American and are afforded this prized opportunity at all. Be THANKFUL. Back off.
Your post is so disgustingly prejudiced and presumptuous that it barely deserves a reply, except to point this out.
The OP has not identified any countries or ethnic backgrounds. You made up your whole post out of prejudice.
What makes you think "landing an American" is such a great prize? To be truthful most of the world has a low opinion of America.
Actually I've been worried the OP is moving to a Muslim country although I have absolutely NO information to lead to that assumption. I just hope I'm wrong.
I said "prized" in regards to the opportunity afforded her to become an American Citizen. It has nothing to do with the person she married or his ethnic background which is not pertinent here nor am I privy to that info.
You need to stop pushing your bigoted thinking onto other people. Your views are shameful. As is the OP to think she can boss around her husband, when she doesn't live there nor ever has, nor is paying for that housing. Talk about nerve! This guy sounds like a nice guy who doesn't deserve this harassment by his wife on paper. But beings this is a message board and we don't have the entire picture, all we can go by is what is posted. So you never know.
The point is, we have NO indication that the OP’s husband is American. You are the one making assumptions that he is American and she is not. For all we know, she could be American and he could be Canadian. They do live close enough that she can visit every two weeks and she doesn’t need to apply for a visa to go there, but that is all the narrowing down that we have at this point. They could also be in Europe in a EU vs. non-EU country. There are several countries like Norway and Switzerland that are not in the EU, but they are in the Schengen area so one can easily go back and forth without a visa. Switzerland has very challenging immigration standards, for example.
I truly don't understand the whole idea of thinking it's gross if a good friend of his sleeps on the couch and uses the restroom, as long as his personal habits are acceptable.
Roommates don't disgust me, I guess?
The main point being that he's open and welcoming and generous, and like you, she thinks a friend who sleeps on her couch is gross.
But not herself, or her husband. Just this guy. And probably all other friends he has.
BTW, this is the exact concept of a "guest room". If you go visit friends or family you sleep on their couches and beds, use their bathrooms, and after that the towels and sheets go in the wash so they're fresh for the next guest. And nobody is grossed out by the whole thing.
Similarly, super confused by how somebody sleeping at one's house is gross (the "don't trash the house" sentiment, I get, but that sounds like it was a one-off).
Everywhere I've lived, we've hosted guests in a guest room or on the couch if there was no guest room or it was in use. We don't have designated personal bedding or other linens...we just grab from the sheets and pillow slips and towels in the linen closet and it all gets washed. It's whatever. It's not a "That's MY personal blanket!!!" scene, at all.
Haven't read any further, perhaps the OP is from a culture with very different views about personal space, hygiene, etc. If that's the case, she either needs a spouse who will agree to live within the confines of her cultural norms, or she needs to recognize that not all cultural norms transition well when you move to a country with a different culture.
A lot of new husbands have all these ideas that even though they are married they can treat the home as a bachelor pad. They act like children, putting their friends above their wives. Even though it is HER house too, they want to continue living "their way".
A lot of new husbands don't have a wife who lives in a foreign country instead of with them a year into the marriage.
It's not her apartment, he lives alone, it's far from a conventional marriage situation, and he seems perfectly within his rights to host whomever he wants.
I truly don't understand the whole idea of thinking it's gross if a good friend of his sleeps on the couch and uses the restroom, as long as his personal habits are acceptable.
Roommates don't disgust me, I guess?
The main point being that he's open and welcoming and generous, and like you, she thinks a friend who sleeps on her couch is gross.
But not herself, or her husband. Just this guy. And probably all other friends he has.
BTW, this is the exact concept of a "guest room". If you go visit friends or family you sleep on their couches and beds, use their bathrooms, and after that the towels and sheets go in the wash so they're fresh for the next guest. And nobody is grossed out by the whole thing.
I guess it's the fact that I don't know this guest. I don't know and can't visibly see his 'habits'. Given that my husband isn't the most tidy/hygenic individual either, he wouldn't be picking up on 'nasty' habits like I would. For an example, he gave him my pillow/blanket to use and it was unwashed when I came. He didn't realize this until I mentioned it.
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