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I agree one black eye is enough, but only he knows when he had enough. The co-dependent syndrome works with either sex. If he's not seeking a resolve. Why are you? People with problems still tend to be together long after you had enough of him telling you. Back away and don't let him use you as a sounding board, unless he really wants help.
I'd imagine it does. An acquaintance of mine married to a guy in the military said the divorce rate there is 70%. Her husband was offered a good for his career position in some boot camp and she was wondering whether to go if they want to stay married... It must not be easy to switch gears coming home after barking orders all day even if you're a decent guy. Then again, I don't quite understand how any decent guy would make a career out of barking orders, but that's just my (unpopular, I know) opinion.
domestic violence is 50/50. which is amazing the county did a 180 reverse on its training of social workers on this subject orginally women were the good guys.
why did it never feel like that.
I agree one black eye is enough, but only he knows when he had enough. The co-dependent syndrome works with either sex. If he's not seeking a resolve. Why are you? People with problems still tend to be together long after you had enough of him telling you. Back away and don't let him use you as a sounding board, unless he really wants help.
Excellent advice, AR. I would just like to add - one of the hallmarks of one type of bipolar disorder is physical rage. You would be shocked to find out how many women attack their H and children when they go into a rage. So don't be so quick to judge what this man may be dealing with. He may love his wife very much but be fully aware that part of her disorder includes getting physical when she is angry. Of course, I am not excusing it! However, many mental illnesses go undiagnosed and indeed, BP is one that family members often do not recognize - or they enable by making excuses - i.e. "mother just has a trigger temper" or "don't get mother riled up - no telling what she will do."
Let me emphasize - all people diagnosed w/ BP do not necessarily get physical or have rages . . . but for those who do . . . unless they get treatment (meds and therapy) to learn to manage their anger, families can suffer.
In any case, don't be so quick to judge what is going on in someone's home. This man may be dealing w/ a very complicated situation. One of the reasons he doesn't leave may be b/c of his children and concern for their longterm safety (and if he is in the military - he is in no position to get full custody of his children b/c of deployment issues).
You never know what other people are dealing with.
I`m having a hard time with trying to separate these issues. Having a job in the military, where you are barking orders all day, from his wife doubling up her fist, and hitting him in the eye, hard enough to black it?
That shouldn`t have anything to do with your wife popping you in the face, and then laughs about it.
when she would attack me (and she gave me a black eye once too), I would defend myself. "Love" didn't enter into it...I was going to do what I had to, to keep MYSELF safe. You cannot let emotion factor into self-protection.
I never called the law on her...but she did on me. They never did anything to me, after finding out the situation. I never left marks on her, I merely restrained her until she stopped trying to use violence against me.
We're no longer together, I filed for divorce, but it got hung up in court...because she did not show up for the hearing. Technically, we're still married, but I have NO idea where she is.
I think he really really needs to get the kids and himself out of there before she really hurts him or the kids or worse he finally has had enough and instinks kick in and she gets laid out. but from my understanding is that most men don't feel very manly or even are embarassed that there spouse gets violent on them and they are left with "war wounds".
for the sake of the kids and himself I think he needs to get his wife a psych exam so that if there is a psychological disorder she can get it under control and try to save her family. The best of luck to your friend.
He needs to get out of there! Both for his and her safety. There will probably come a day when she hits him and his natural reaction will be to fight back. And assuming that he is bigger and stonger than his wife, it will probably not work out so well for her (and he'll end up in prison).
If he files a police report that he was abused by a women he will have a VERY difficult timr reentering the military. Thats just the way it is. If he goes back into the military and seeks counseling for marital problems, it is HIGHLY unlikely that he will ever get a promotion. Thats just the way it is.
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