Feeling like a failure (guy, singles, too young, family)
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Current U.S. society really doesn't provide a lot of opportunity for meeting others for finding potential dates. You are not alone in this, OP. (especially after the fertile ground of schooling is completed)
Many societies in European countries provide more opportunities for meeting people.
In the U.S.there is emphasis on cars, car dominated towns/cities, construction of cities and neighborhoods being dominated by what is good for cars rather than pedestrians, roads ruining neighborhoods, traffic and speed of traffic dominating rather than what is good for pedestrians and walkers, etc.
So don't think you are one of the only ones who find that finding potential dates and meeting enough appropriate potential people from which to draw dates is a problem that only you suffer.
Thanks for all the responses. Good stuff. I'd say I'm a little bit shy and awkward. I've tried not to be but it's hard to change it. It just feels like everyone around my age has someone, and a family. Everyone I talk to, "oh, my bf this" or "my gf that". Then when I'm sitting at stop lights, I look at someone's hand on their steering wheel and see a wedding ring lol. It like there's something I'm missing. Like I lost the "great race" or something. I actually enjoy being around people that have been single for as long as me (which is very uncommon). It makes me feel like less of an alien.
I was going to ask this too ^ ...are you shy? If so, you're less alone than you think. I promise you.
Maybe you can give a few details? How have you been trying to meet women?
Please don't feel like a failure. I really doubt that's true. It isn't always easy finding someone who's right for us. It can take a while. But especially if we don't put ourselves out there and for some people that can be pretty hard.
I've tried the cold approch, via friends, tinder, pof, etc. All of it. I guess I'm just off-putting in some way. Like there's a secret I don't know about.
I will say this though, women tend to be comfortable around me and talk to me. But when I attempt to ask them out, I'll get their number, try to set up a date, then..... Crickets.
I will say this though, women tend to be comfortable around me and talk to me. But when I attempt to ask them out, I'll get their number, try to set up a date, then..... Crickets.
Hmmm.
How are you asking them out? How soon after you meet them? Are you seeing any sort of pattern, so you have some place to start in figuring out what's going on here?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M3Guy
Hey so I'm 30 years old. I'm turning 31 next month. As much as it's hard for me to tell people this, I've been single for 9 years. It's really embarrassing. I've always struggled in dating. So much so that I am a believer that women just aren't in to me (at least in the state I live in). I've had some girls interested in me, but I wasn't really into them. My parents are nearing 70 years old. I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to find someone special, have a small family, and give my parents grandchildren. They don't pressure me about it, to be clear. I just feel like maybe they were hoping for a grandchild some day. I just don't see it happening in the future because of my dating shortcomings. It's painful to think about and accept. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Just turned 30, not really interested in parenting or marriage but feel like a failure sometimes for not having better luck with women. I know my attitude can be offputting but typically the window dressing turns them off long before my attitude does. I’ve just made peace with being single and try to remember a bad relationship is worse.
What you need to ask yourself is concerning your thought process. Think about it, how is your current thought process helping you? does it serve any purpose? Has comparing what you have, to what others have served any purpose or improved anything?
I am older than you and single. However, my thought process or rather my perception is the complete opposite. At the moment your own perception as a failure is not serving any purpose, in fact it is probably making it less likely to meet someone!
I will say this though, women tend to be comfortable around me and talk to me. But when I attempt to ask them out, I'll get their number, try to set up a date, then..... Crickets.
You should invite them to Ikea. To me that would be a perfect first date: food and shopping, all safe, climate controlled, and public. Be sure to buy them a cool gift while you’re there.
Tell them you need help picking out dishes for your kitchen. Gets them every time.
Hey so I'm 30 years old. I'm turning 31 next month. As much as it's hard for me to tell people this, I've been single for 9 years. It's really embarrassing. I've always struggled in dating. So much so that I am a believer that women just aren't in to me (at least in the state I live in). I've had some girls interested in me, but I wasn't really into them. My parents are nearing 70 years old. I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to find someone special, have a small family, and give my parents grandchildren. They don't pressure me about it, to be clear. I just feel like maybe they were hoping for a grandchild some day. I just don't see it happening in the future because of my dating shortcomings. It's painful to think about and accept. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
I've spent most of my life single. I'm in my mid 20s, never really been bothered by it. Also never put much effort into it prior to this year.
With that said, I also have no trouble meeting and getting to know strangers. You should definitely learn to do that. It's basically a prerequisite for dating.
With any remotely interesting/interested person, a 1-2 hour conversation should be a breeze (especially if you're doing something besides sitting around). If you can't do that, you should try going to meetups. Don't go trying to find a date. Just go to get practice meeting total strangers. That takes all the pressure off to find someone attractive, similar in age, and any other constraints you have on dating.
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