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Old 06-29-2018, 01:32 PM
 
Location: The City of Brotherly Love
1,304 posts, read 1,232,452 times
Reputation: 3524

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JPrzybylski07 View Post
I'm going to safely assume you are more into this girl then this girl is into you. That's not to say she doesn't like you, BUT, that's not the ideal position to be if you're the man. She will then realize she has the upper hand so to speak and women generally don't want to be the leaders in the relationship. This isn't to say a man shouldn't have feelings and affection, but keep them in check. Especially so early on in the relationship. You haven't even had sex with this girl and you are kind of putting her on a pedestal.

Just be careful about not pursuing this girl right out of you life is all I'm saying. Ideally you want the women pursuing you, but that takes a whole different level of game. Something at 29 years old and after being with many women the past decade that I'm just starting to now figure out and work on, from going to pursuer to being the one pursued.
I don't know if it's safe to assume that just yet. On each of the dates we've been on, she has been the one insisting that we spend more time together. I have historically taken women on dates lasting anywhere between 1-3 hours; however, we spend a lot more time than what I'm used to. In fact, when we last went out, she offered to walk an extra few blocks with me when I mentioned that I wanted to stop by a store before hopping on the trolley. If she does have more feelings for me than I do for her, she hasn't expressed them due to the fact that we're not overly-texty with each other. We're both young professionals and newly-minted graduates, and we both work long hours at our respective offices.

You just mentioned the other portion of the equation: I do have other women pursuing me. In fact, two nights (really, two nights and the morning since I stayed over) before I took this current woman on our first date, I had the best sex of my life with a lady from Tinder who suggested that we "hang out". Here's the weird part about everything: although I am starting to develop feelings for her, I'm also not afraid of the possibility of having a falling out. Sure, she's definitely the highest-quality woman I've ever started spending an extended amount of time with, but I have to remind myself that I'm only 22. Even if this doesn't work out, I can go back to hooking up.

Sorry that I'm all over the place! I can't even figure myself out sometimes. No matter what, however, I'm definitely not saying anything! I'm going to strictly show that I'm interested in her through my actions.
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Old 06-29-2018, 01:34 PM
 
Location: The City of Brotherly Love
1,304 posts, read 1,232,452 times
Reputation: 3524
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
By showing, not telling... When you tell, you might be rejected.
BTW: If you are SO afraid to get hurt, maybe you should get some therapy before you start dating women? They will sense your fears a mile away... and believe me - it's not appealing.
This is actually one of the best pieces of advice I've heard on this thread so far. Thank you! I would have repped you earlier, but I accidentally skipped over it since this week in the office has been hectic!
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Old 06-29-2018, 02:16 PM
 
1,519 posts, read 1,215,892 times
Reputation: 2630
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhilliesPhan2013 View Post
I don't know if it's safe to assume that just yet. On each of the dates we've been on, she has been the one insisting that we spend more time together. I have historically taken women on dates lasting anywhere between 1-3 hours; however, we spend a lot more time than what I'm used to. In fact, when we last went out, she offered to walk an extra few blocks with me when I mentioned that I wanted to stop by a store before hopping on the trolley. If she does have more feelings for me than I do for her, she hasn't expressed them due to the fact that we're not overly-texty with each other. We're both young professionals and newly-minted graduates, and we both work long hours at our respective offices.

You just mentioned the other portion of the equation: I do have other women pursuing me. In fact, two nights (really, two nights and the morning since I stayed over) before I took this current woman on our first date, I had the best sex of my life with a lady from Tinder who suggested that we "hang out". Here's the weird part about everything: although I am starting to develop feelings for her, I'm also not afraid of the possibility of having a falling out. Sure, she's definitely the highest-quality woman I've ever started spending an extended amount of time with, but I have to remind myself that I'm only 22. Even if this doesn't work out, I can go back to hooking up.

Sorry that I'm all over the place! I can't even figure myself out sometimes. No matter what, however, I'm definitely not saying anything! I'm going to strictly show that I'm interested in her through my actions.
Good stuff, sounds like you are ahead of the game then! I underestimated you perhaps initially how much in control you really are then. Your initial post of figuring out if you should tell her you like her or not came across really innocent but after some more info you just gave it sounds like you already have some good game!

Being indifferent with women is what can make the difference with women. Initially your attitude came across actually being very outcome dependent and not indifferent at all.

If you aren't afraid of the possibility of having a fall out then you shouldn't care about letting her know or not that you like her, since you're indifferent and not outcome dependent on her liking you back, right??? There is no fear of a fallout in other words, according to you, so why fear rejection?
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Old 06-29-2018, 02:46 PM
 
Location: The City of Brotherly Love
1,304 posts, read 1,232,452 times
Reputation: 3524
Quote:
Originally Posted by JPrzybylski07 View Post
Good stuff, sounds like you are ahead of the game then! I underestimated you perhaps initially how much in control you really are then. Your initial post of figuring out if you should tell her you like her or not came across really innocent but after some more info you just gave it sounds like you already have some good game!

Being indifferent with women is what can make the difference with women. Initially your attitude came across actually being very outcome dependent and not indifferent at all.

If you aren't afraid of the possibility of having a fall out then you shouldn't care about letting her know or not that you like her, since you're indifferent and not outcome dependent on her liking you back, right??? There is no fear of a fallout in other words, according to you, so why fear rejection?
I made my original post immediately after the date, on my phone, and while being tired from working in the office all week (I wake up at around 5 to be at the office before 8). My initial post probably sounded off due to a combination of being tired and super-optimistic after a second great date haha!

To answer your last question, I am afraid of rejection from women that I’m interested in. Since we’re not an item yet, I’m still talking to other women at varying levels of intensity. I was hurt in my last relationship, but I’ve recovered since then; however, that experience has put me in a limbo between wanting to date and wanting to just hook up. To solve that issue, I place each woman I’m talking to into mental “buckets”: the ones who I would date go into one, and the ones who I want to have fun with go in the other. That judgment comes through meeting and getting to know them through text. After I met the woman I’m currently interested in, she thoroughly convinced me that, if I am to get into a relationship, it would be with her. Unlike the other women, she is the closest to being my equal: we’re both recent college grads, young professionals, active, interested in similar things, have ambitious goals, etc. Besides being attractive, she also has certain qualities that I look for in a partner. If I were to be rejected by her, it would admittedly hurt a little; however, it wouldn’t hold me back! At the end of the day, I’m still 22 and have plenty of time to settle down.

Part of it also comes from the fact that I’m still getting used to having women like her go on dates with me. I only lost 104 pounds a year ago, so having women like her (and other women chasing me in general) interested in me is still a concept that I’m getting used to. I used to be 6’2”, 300 pounds. Getting down to 196 made a HUGE difference in amount of women attracted to me! Plus, I have a really good job and make great money for someone my age now. I’m no longer the broke college student that I was just a month ago!
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Old 06-29-2018, 04:58 PM
 
1,063 posts, read 696,713 times
Reputation: 1423
You're 22 focus on Netflix and Chill.

This may end up being a friendship. Women your age biologically tend to go after Maximus Decimus conquerer types despite always verbally saying the contrary. Especially when they are in the beginning of their career. She is probably not trying to settle down, even if she meets Great Guy #1 which could be you.

Culture also matters here. Where is she from? Philly girls will have a different response vs. if she is from the MidWest or elsewhere. I generally did not get along with Philly Women because to me they come off as rough around the edges and a bit masculine.
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Old 06-30-2018, 09:17 AM
 
813 posts, read 600,907 times
Reputation: 3160
Listen to Shaky, he's a smart man...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB2PbVV8L-0

Good luck, Rg
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Old 07-01-2018, 07:40 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,860,632 times
Reputation: 25362
Place your hand on her shoulder,touch her hand,look at her when she talks,place hand on mid back when you walk,or hold hands......she pulls away from any....not interested or ready for that.
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Old 07-01-2018, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,722 posts, read 16,372,564 times
Reputation: 50380
I love the use of the word "admit"! As in I hate to do it but at some point I guess I'll be forced to! You sound like you don't want to let her know anything that might further "commit" you. Then you shouldn't have started going out...like on anything resembling a "date" if that is the case.

"Faint heart never won fair lady" I think this saying dates back to the 1550's and the sentiment far earlier than that - if your intentions aren't clear, even to yourself then forget about it - you're not fit for her and need to reassess yourself.
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