Do women get asked out by men they literally just met? (younger, advice)
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See, I think you're confusing this ''Cold approach'' with something else that isn't being advocated, at least not by myself. I can't speak for others. People go out to bars all the time (not me, unless it's for music. I don't drink) and meet people. It happens at music festivals too. To me, a cold approach is meeting someone that you have no ties or connections to. Like meeting someone when I'm out somewhere. Not that I went out purposely to meet someone somewhere or ask women out. But it's happened when I've went out. You're projecting it to be as if people are preying and stalking women, which definitely happens, but not with everyone who meets someone in public or chats up women in public.
And by the way, I don't really care if someone ''Cold approaches'' my fiancee. I'm not insecure like you and many other guys are. I don't have time to worry about who is asking out my fiancee, because I know that she loves me and I'm confident in that enough not to care. My fiancee is hot and guys ask her out all the time. I take it as a compliment. She's not leaving me for these other guys, she's not saying yes to them when they ask her out, so I don't really care. I've been in the mall with her before and went to use the restroom and came out to some guy trying to chat her up. I'm not gonna threaten to give him a beat down for it, unless he persists after she declines.
I'm with you on that. Whenever I have a girlfriend, even if she was my wife, I'd be okay with someone talking to her. I mean, she's still human, she is entitled to human interactions. I've talked to married women before, but I made sure that I respected the relationship.
Yes, this, exactly. The meeting someone is a byproduct of going out and doing things and being social. Conversations happen when people are out and about. Sometimes there is chemistry, and some of those times there is a successful connection. It's been happening for ages. I can't imagine chatting people up with a purpose other than being social, which is fun (I can find it draining though being a natural introvert), and sometimes something else comes from it, but its not really looked for, it just happens, organically.
That's what I like. I like when things happen organically.
I would agree that if nothing else, a lack of patience will be a self-limiting factor. There is a healthy balance where one is not hanging around pretending friendship with a connection that will never become the relationship they really want...and yet still letting things be a bit more organic and a bit less forced.
But I'd also point out something I've noted in many conversations with, and involving, Dissenter in particular. He is living near DC, which is a hectic, stressful, almost hostile environment much of the time. I've been there. Nobody has time, when they are commuting hours a day through the hellish traffic, when they are dashing around and stressing over a million things you have to be stressed about there, to calm down and accept a friendship and let it roll and be cool... I mean I'm just saying I'm familiar with the mindset that almost saturates the area like a background hum from a noisy refrigerator. Even with legal weed (if it still is?) you only get so far in that place, trying to relax and not force things. And people are, at the same time, for reasons I have never been able to understand, flaky as hell there, too.
I would not want to be in the DC metro dating scene.
I think he'd be way better off in another region, even further west maybe than Indiana or Illinois or whatever it was he was thinking of, where people chill out and act friendly and roll and a less frantic pace. It would take him a while to adjust, but if he did, it could really change his life for the better.
But like the Dude says, that's just like...my opinion. Man.
Or maybe even Chandler, AZ. People are desperate to meet, here.
Or maybe even Chandler, AZ. People are desperate to meet, here.
No kidding? I might wind up living there in a few years. Caring for boyfriend's aging father. I went for a visit, briefly, in March, but didn't have much time to socialize. Would you say that people are pretty friendly and sociable in that area? I have heard good things about my own little sort of "community" having a strong presence there, so I am encouraged in that. But it's good to know the overall attitude-vibe of a place, if that makes sense.
I wish I'd known before I moved to Washington State that some folks in the west coast can be kinda fakey, real enthusiastic to make friends, act like you're bosom-buddies, then stab you in the back if it benefits them in the slightest and walk all over you in ten different ways before you even knew what hit ya. It was like the opposite of the east coast "rude but honest" effect. That's why I've enjoyed Colorado, more moderate people...genuine but friendly. Fun but common-sense, too.
No kidding? I might wind up living there in a few years. Caring for boyfriend's aging father. I went for a visit, briefly, in March, but didn't have much time to socialize. Would you say that people are pretty friendly and sociable in that area? I have heard good things about my own little sort of "community" having a strong presence there, so I am encouraged in that. But it's good to know the overall attitude-vibe of a place, if that makes sense.
I wish I'd known before I moved to Washington State that some folks in the west coast can be kinda fakey, real enthusiastic to make friends, act like you're bosom-buddies, then stab you in the back if it benefits them in the slightest and walk all over you in ten different ways before you even knew what hit ya. It was like the opposite of the east coast "rude but honest" effect. That's why I've enjoyed Colorado, more moderate people...genuine but friendly. Fun but common-sense, too.
I'll say this, if someone like me can get people to talk to him out of the blue on almost a daily basis, then you can too in Chandler...
But I hear that Colorado is actually a lot better than Chandler. I have friends that are from Colorado and have visited Colorado and they say that people over there make Chandler look like grouches.
If you're in Colorado, then you're probably better off staying there. While people are sociable in Chandler, I do find that a lot of people I run into have some kind of agenda, and it is normally something I don't want to be a part of.
And yes, there was one person who stabbed me in the back in ten different ways, but he did not even bother to say hi to me. He was just totally behind my back about it and hiding. However, I've had witnesses tell me who he is, and...what a coward.
However, as far as I know, my real friends are my REAL friends. Admittedly, there are cowards in Chandler. I'd probably take the rude but honest over the cowardly back stabber. But I will dish it hard and ruthless with the rude but honest types.
I'll say this, if someone like me can get people to talk to him out of the blue on almost a daily basis, then you can too in Chandler...
But I hear that Colorado is actually a lot better than Chandler. I have friends that are from Colorado and have visited Colorado and they say that people over there make Chandler look like grouches.
If you're in Colorado, then you're probably better off staying there. While people are sociable in Chandler, I do find that a lot of people I run into have some kind of agenda, and it is normally something I don't want to be a part of.
And yes, there was one person who stabbed me in the back in ten different ways, but he did not even bother to say hi to me. He was just totally behind my back about it and hiding. However, I've had witnesses tell me who he is, and...what a coward.
However, as far as I know, my real friends are my REAL friends. Admittedly, there are cowards in Chandler. I'd probably take the rude but honest over the cowardly back stabber. But I will dish it hard and ruthless with the rude but honest types.
Colorado is nice. Probably my plan to be in Chandler or thereabouts for a few years, mostly to give bf's Dad companionship until he passes, then move back to CO is a good plan. We won't be persuading his Dad to move, and besides I think a few years in a different city away from my ex might be really nice. Create some distance and perspective for both of us. Also, after the Dad passes on, we're going to have quite an inheritance of stuff to sort though, storage units full of antiques and whatnot, so we'll need to be there to deal with all that.
Anyhow, back on topic, I really don't get what the big deal is with trying to talk to people no matter what avenue one chooses to do it. There are potential pitfalls, pros and cons, either way. In person, you skip the fakes, scammers and bots. Online, you skip the people who are already taken, and go straight for the ostensibly available to date ones. Either way, your best bet is to be a decent human and not a jerk. And knowing your strengths, like if you come off best in writing or in person, things like that, can help one choose the best place to try and present themselves in. This stuff isn't rocket surgery.
You act like relationships have never started from two people meeting in a public place, be it in a bar, music event, some other public function, etc. I can tell you they have with me and others I know.
I’m so glad I never would have had the limiting belief that women won’t accept a date from someone they don’t know, or I wouldn’t be marrying my dream woman in exactly 3 months. I would have probably been going to bed alone tonight and afraid to leave my house and left in a fearful state with some of this stuff I read here.
I agree with you. I might post some stuff people disagree with but some of the things I see on here sometimes you'd wonder if people even go on dates or have sex.
I accepted a date from a woman when she asked me out and usually I prefer getting to know a woman before dating her. I went against my own standards and gave it a shot. We've been together now 7 months this coming Sunday. If I didn't do that I'd still be single right now.
I agree with you. I might post some stuff people disagree with but some of the things I see on here sometimes you'd wonder if people even go on dates or have sex.
I accepted a date from a woman when she asked me out and usually I prefer getting to know a woman before dating her.
Isn't that what a DATE is? I never understood this, "Getting to know you, before getting to know you" thing.
"I need to get to know the person before going out with them"
"No..you don't, you go out on the date with the person SO that you can get to KNOW them".
Good thing you switched gears, because now...you're doing it right. ;-)
Isn't that what a DATE is? I never understood this, "Getting to know you, before getting to know you" thing.
"I need to get to know the person before going out with them"
"No..you don't, you go out on the date with the person SO that you can get to KNOW them".
Good thing you switched gears, because now...you're doing it right. ;-)
But you have to know enough about the person to gauge if they're worth getting to know. It's a bit simplistic to think you could walk up cold to a stranger and say, "Hi, I like the way you look. Will you go out with me?" and have that be successful most of the time.
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