Totally confused (woman, husband, jealous, friend)

[snowflake47]

I'm new and I am hoping someone can help with this...For the past couple of years I have been friends with another woman. We met professionally first, then as it so happened, we were both building homes in the same area (which is 3 hours from where we live during the week). We hit it off and I thought we would be great friends. We saw each other every weekend as couples for about a year. Then, they came over one night ( a year ago) and were kind of rude. We have no idea why. We have not seen them as a couple since then. (Now remember...she and I were supposedly best friends...though we never did anything together alone...just emailed every night during the week) I didn't hear from her by phone on the weekends (which is when we are with our husbands...both are retired and she and I still work and commute on weekends) for months. Then, last July, I saw her house advertised in the paper. I am a realtor, her supposed best friend who she emailed every night, and she never told me. I was devastated. She couldn't understand why I was upset. What do you guys think? This gets much worse, but this is the beginning.

[Stace08]

Deal with the issue honestly and directly with the party in question.

Friendship does not make her obliged to use your services.

[Driller1]

She is having problems she does not what to share with you. Sad, but it happens. Try to talk to her, and be every approachable, maybe she will break the ice.

[Driller1]

Originally Posted by Stace08

Deal with the issue honestly and directly with the party in question.

Friendship does not make her obliged to use your services.

I would be upset myself about this. If some hired another driller to do work for them, they would never be my friend again.

In this case, I think there is embarrassment about the sale of the house.

[johnycakes]

Best friends who haven't spoken in over a year? I'd hate to see what you consider to be second-tier friends.

[snowflake47]

She also had put an offer on another house (contingent on hers selling). I would have done it for nothing...that's what hurt so much. Anyway, her house didn't sell and it's off the market. What bothered me also, is that she told me it was all her husband...but she had to sign things.

I tried to get over all that and we remained friends...but nothing she tells me makes sense. She told me they were splitting up...that her husband was not coming back from NY (he went to see his mother), but he was back in a week. Stuff like that. I don't understand. I have been totally honest with her about everything. One time, about two years ago, I asked her what her parent's names were...just a curious question...she is not from this area and her parents died 30 years ago. She wouldn't tell me. She got all defensive when I asked. I dropped it but didn't understand that, either. Also, she gets her hair done every 5 weeks in my town (during the week we live an hour apart). I feel that normal friends would get together. She has never called and said 'hey, I'll be there, let's go eat somewhere,' or anything. Isn't that weird? Or is it me? HELP>>

[snowflake47]

Originally Posted by johnycakes

Best friends who haven't spoken in over a year? I'd hate to see what you consider to be second-tier friends.

No, I wasn't clear, I guess. She and I were emailing during the week until about a month ago. We haven't seen her husband in a year.

[johnycakes]

Originally Posted by snowflake47

No, I wasn't clear, I guess. She and I were emailing during the week until about a month ago. We haven't seen her husband in a year.

OK, I get it now.

This is perhaps what happened. Some people - like me - really hate to mix business with friends. Like, if there's a problem of some sort, I want to be able to put the squeeze on whomever is working for me, pressure them, and so forth, and not feel like I'm crapping all over my friend. I also don't want my friends to feel like I may perhaps be expecting bargain-basement pricing from them, and I don't want them thinking they can cut their level of service to me because of the friendship.

For this reason, I am extremely hesitant to do business with friends. Perhaps she felt it would be awkward for her, you being a realtor and all. It sounds like you are hung up on the friendship itself, but perhaps she felt like you would expect her to list her house through you or something.... and perhaps she just didn't want to be put int the spot of explaining why she didn't want to do that. So she just didn't cross that bridge with you.

[Rapture]

Why don't you say everything to her that you are saying here and ask why and what's going on? If she doesn't give you a straight answer to clear things up then I guess you have a decison to make.

[snowflake47]

Rapture, I have said everything and there is so much more. I get no answers. After I asked her about the house thing, she called me a leech and wouldn't email me for a week. My husband couldn't believe I would ever speak to her after that. For some reason her husband doesn't like me...I think he is jealous because I honestly don't think she has ever had another real friend. If she would only just tell me the truth.