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Yeah, the guys who say this seem to be universally picturing hot women at meat market nightclubs--do those women get approached all the time? Yes, of course. Do women who work at public-facing customer service jobs get hit on? Yes, they do.
They're not seeing the normal women, who maybe don't ever go to nightclubs, who are not approached by dozens of men as they navigate their days in the office, walking their dogs, running errands, going to yoga and book club, etc. It just doesn't happen to the extent they say it does.
Yeah, to get a lot of approaches they typically need to do OLD, social media, bar scene, customer facing job etc and some or all of these may not appeal.
Yeah, the guys who say this seem to be universally picturing hot women at meat market nightclubs--do those women get approached all the time? Yes, of course. Do women who work at public-facing customer service jobs get hit on? Yes, they do.
They're not seeing the normal women, who maybe don't ever go to nightclubs, who are not approached by dozens of men as they navigate their days in the office, walking their dogs, running errands, going to yoga and book club, etc. It just doesn't happen to the extent they say it does.
That is true. If I were not a regular at a BDSM club I would not have all of these known "options"--men who have made their interest clear--in my world. Going about my business, home to work to the store to the gas station to home again...no one hits on me. And I don't think I'm bad looking. On the worst day I think I'm at least a 6, like average-ish. I've asked for these guys to go have a look and judge for themselves, I put pics in my profile, but they never do. *shrug*
Quote:
Originally Posted by gazzaa2
This is also why it's a lot harder for men to approach than women (Who don't have to approach) tend to appreciate. They can be approaching women who don't want to give him the time of day because she doesn't want to be approached. Most guys don't want to bother women unless she's interested in him. Even if a guy picks up on a subtlety or an expression of interest, chances are the woman was just being friendly or sociable, but it's then up to the guy whether to direct approach and again risk the rejection. He can decide not to and then kick himself the rest of the night for not following it up because he wasn't sure.
That's the thing though. Women are happy with things as they are where it's the men who have to put the graft in with approaching and risk being blown off. Men have to 'man up' and approach or stay celibate. Women can sit back and be passive and wait for the approaches but will then have to sift through what approaches occur, like an employer going through job applications.
If women don't like the approaches they're getting, they can do what men have to do and approach guys themselves. That is another 'option'.
No, men do not have to do anything.
And there are other paths to getting laid. But they involve different kinds of effort. Develop a talent. Any talent. Cultivate a good social vibe and make yourself approachable by wearing something that a person can comment on. Stop hunting for sex in meat market night clubs and check out other venues.
If your location sucks, then move! That's another big one, because some people look at whatever surrounds them as just "the way it is" and would be quite surprised that it's not that way everywhere.
In my community we've got men who are not really that good looking, but they have been around long enough to have social cred and are really well known, and they are pursued because they have that social position. And we've got guys who became experts at some particular thing and are sought for their skills or talents. And both of these examples have in common, that they are confidence-builders. Guys love to talk here about these "top 20% Chad" types and I can only assume they mean the best looking, with the exception of maybe the very rich men. That's just not what that is about...because there are other ways to the "top" as I've described here. Finding some way to stand out, to shine. And if you can find a way to do that, and not blend in to the crowd of thirsty men at whatever random night club...then you do NOT have to approach, you can just stand there letting your reputation do all the work, and women WILL approach you. But if you just want to be a regular, ordinary, invisible Joe, then yeah. You're gonna have to get a woman's attention somehow, or you can just get by without it.
That is true. If I were not a regular at a BDSM club I would not have all of these known "options"--men who have made their interest clear--in my world. Going about my business, home to work to the store to the gas station to home again...no one hits on me. And I don't think I'm bad looking. On the worst day I think I'm at least a 6, like average-ish. I've asked for these guys to go have a look and judge for themselves, I put pics in my profile, but they never do. *shrug*
No, men do not have to do anything.
And there are other paths to getting laid. But they involve different kinds of effort. Develop a talent. Any talent. Cultivate a good social vibe and make yourself approachable by wearing something that a person can comment on. Stop hunting for sex in meat market night clubs and check out other venues.
If your location sucks, then move! That's another big one, because some people look at whatever surrounds them as just "the way it is" and would be quite surprised that it's not that way everywhere.
In my community we've got men who are not really that good looking, but they have been around long enough to have social cred and are really well known, and they are pursued because they have that social position. And we've got guys who became experts at some particular thing and are sought for their skills or talents. And both of these examples have in common, that they are confidence-builders. Guys love to talk here about these "top 20% Chad" types and I can only assume they mean the best looking, with the exception of maybe the very rich men. That's just not what that is about...because there are other ways to the "top" as I've described here. Finding some way to stand out, to shine. And if you can find a way to do that, and not blend in to the crowd of thirsty men at whatever random night club...then you do NOT have to approach, you can just stand there letting your reputation do all the work, and women WILL approach you. But if you just want to be a regular, ordinary, invisible Joe, then yeah. You're gonna have to get a woman's attention somehow, or you can just get by without it.
What are some of the examples of things that men get really good at? I am really curious about these kinds of advices because they are always so vague.
And there are other paths to getting laid. But they involve different kinds of effort. Develop a talent. Any talent. Cultivate a good social vibe and make yourself approachable by wearing something that a person can comment on. Stop hunting for sex in meat market night clubs and check out other venues.
If your location sucks, then move! That's another big one, because some people look at whatever surrounds them as just "the way it is" and would be quite surprised that it's not that way everywhere.
In my community we've got men who are not really that good looking, but they have been around long enough to have social cred and are really well known, and they are pursued because they have that social position. And we've got guys who became experts at some particular thing and are sought for their skills or talents. And both of these examples have in common, that they are confidence-builders. Guys love to talk here about these "top 20% Chad" types and I can only assume they mean the best looking, with the exception of maybe the very rich men. That's just not what that is about...because there are other ways to the "top" as I've described here. Finding some way to stand out, to shine. And if you can find a way to do that, and not blend in to the crowd of thirsty men at whatever random night club...then you do NOT have to approach, you can just stand there letting your reputation do all the work, and women WILL approach you. But if you just want to be a regular, ordinary, invisible Joe, then yeah. You're gonna have to get a woman's attention somehow, or you can just get by without it.
Yeah women will go after the top guys and as you say that's not all about looks or even wealth.
What are some of the examples of things that men get really good at? I am really curious about these kinds of advices because they are always so vague.
I'm vague because I'm talking about the BDSM scene, so I mean the guy who is an expert at massage or fire play or throwing a flogger Florentine style or whatever. We only have one guy who is into hot wax, I have no idea why, I have been telling newcomers that if they want to connect with lots of people and have people wanting to play with them, get into wax. It's relatively easy and we've only got one guy doing it at parties. But when he shows up with his kit, he's got ladies lining up to get on his table.
None of these things are necessarily sexual. They are...fun party tricks. But having a name for being THE guy who has a certain skill, it's attention getting.
But in the bigger picture of life, you could learn to play an instrument. You could make cool art. Tell a great story. Just do...something. Anything. Make it your thing.
The women who want a guy who is identical to all the other guys, who is super normal and stands out in no way ever...they probably already married their high school sweetheart or something. Every guy claims to somehow be not like the other guys, or better than other guys, but so very few of them actually ARE. Until we have this society of guys saying that they are "nice" like that really sets them apart? I mean, maybe you didn't know, but MOST guys are "nice" to us. Especially when they want something...
Being 'vanilla' in my dating habits...it's rare to rebound or think I 'need' to be in a relationship to validate my life.
Only once can I recall ending a relationship after he cheated...did life send a wonderful gent to date. You bet he was charming , gracious and a bit ambitious. We complimented each other. That was an easy choice to date him and the chap that I removed from my life.. well I'm sure he found another patsy to deceive.
Observing though the rebounder style...it does seem to happen in earlier age groups...by the time it's mid life..we don't rebound so much as settle in to an independent choice of relations.
Some folks don't need to get back on that horse. Our feet work just fine.
Women will go after guys they are attracted to just like guys will go after women they're attracted to.
By looking around you, I'm sure it's easy to see that women don't exclusively go after "the top" (whatever that means) guys.
The exchange there, I think, at least my take on it, was that the guys who can get women's attention without putting an effort into "approaching" individual women that much, the ones that women actually go to, are guys with some kind of outstanding quality. In order to be noticed, you've got to be noticeable.
(Like...not just..."nice.")
Of course women consent to go out with guys who step up and ask for this dance, who aren't super-exceptional men, just decent average men. But they often did need to be the ones to make that initial contact. Again, the less noticeable you are...the more effort you'd probably have to put in, to get noticed.
I would imagine a "plain Jane" average woman in one of these meat market type places (and who seriously even goes there? I hang out at a kink club and I think that sounds gross) ...I'm imagining that your typical fellow will have tried his chances with all of the prettier women before he even let his eyes linger on Miss Beige Cardigan. But maybe not. Perhaps she has that certain something...
Anyhow if I had a point it was that there are a multitude of ways for guys to make themselves noticeable and appealing to women, even to the point where women will go after them. I think guys who focus on looks are just projecting their own priorities onto women.
Hell, there was one guy I know who was chased by lots of women because he was hilarious, constantly getting up to bizarre shenanigans and making everyone laugh. I have a photo somewhere of this dude climbing on top of a cargo van, with his pants falling down and a traffic cone on his head... Granted, he could not KEEP a woman around, but he could GET them.
May we see a picture of this "reasonably attractive" woman you are speaking of?
Lol, I knew there’d be at least one of you.
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