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From what you have posted, it sounds to me like BF is being used as a replacement for deceased twin. Your BF might have felt left out of their close relationship for years, and now he feels he can be close to his brother, who perhaps was never as interested as he is now.
You could reschedule your trip with BF. I think that is the ideal solution. If you can't, then I like another poster’s suggestions anout treating yourself while he is gone.
But I also think you need to do some serious reflecting about your relationship, because it does not sound as if BF is considerate of you, at least from what you have posted. It seems to me that BF is locked into a juvenile relationship with his brother, and that reflects his failure to mature.
Only you know how you feel, and what the circumstances are in your relationship.
I agree with you. A trip to Vegas with other guys is not a particularly good grief strategy. I think your instinct there is sound.
I think you have to ask yourself is this is the relationship you want? Is this guy someone you can rely on to love and honor you?
Yeah i agree with everything you said. I think you articulated some of my feelings. This whole year ive been put on the back burner bc of his brothers death which i totally understand. But i was looking forwRd to spending some quality time together. So for him to just dump me like that hurts my feelings. To me it feels like he doesnt view spending time with me as special or important as partying/vacationing with his brother right now. So im just trying to figure out if thats okay/acceptable. Its hard bc i understand some parts of it - like your first paragraph, i think thats an accurate description so i get it. But my feelings are hurt at the same time. Its just tough navigating this since ive never lost anyone. I dont know how he feels. Maybe if it were reversed id want to spend as much time with a family member as possible too.... but again, vegas!? Lol
Yeah i agree with everything you said. I think you articulated some of my feelings. This whole year ive been put on the back burner bc of his brothers death which i totally understand. But i was looking forwRd to spending some quality time together. So for him to just dump me like that hurts my feelings. To me it feels like he doesnt view spending time with me as special or important as partying/vacationing with his brother right now. So im just trying to figure out if thats okay/acceptable. Its hard bc i understand some parts of it - like your first paragraph, i think thats an accurate description so i get it. But my feelings are hurt at the same time. Its just tough navigating this since ive never lost anyone. I dont know how he feels. Maybe if it were reversed id want to spend as much time with a family member as possible too.... but again, vegas!? Lol
I agree with sillibran completely. You’re boyfriend is not respecting you in the least. IMO a trio to Vegas isn’t bonding, it’s something he would like to do rather than be with you.
From an outsiders perspective it sounds as if he has checked out of the relationship. Listen to your gut.
My boyfriends brother died a little under a year ago. His other brother is kind of selfish and i feel like my boyfriend has been dropping everything for him, including me. I've put multiple plans on hold all throughout the year so my boyfriend could spend time with his brother (his brother lives in another state so my boyfriend has been flying back and forth).... i wanted to go on vacation later in the summer and took off of work and everything for it. Now my boyfriend's brother invited him on a trip that same week we planned to go away and now my boyfriend wants to do that instead. I'm not sure if I can take off a different week because of my work schedule. So i'm feeling like my boyfriend dropped me for his brother.
I'm trying to be understanding but i specifically asked my boyfriend if he wanted to do a small trip and it was okay if he didn't feel like it, but he said yes and now he's saying he wants to go on vacation with his brother instead. I know my boyfriend's brother has been having a hard time with his grief so i understand my boyfriend wanting to go, but i just feel like it's unfair. It's my life too.
Do I have a right to be upset about this or am i being selfish and i should just let him do what he needs to do? and just to be frank, i'm pretty sure his brother would NOT do the same for him.
No your boyfriend is acting like a twit. Tell him to stop it with his brother and get over it. Tell him to start nurturing his relationship with you. This does not require an ultimatum just a bonk on the head to get him started in the correct direction. Men seem to need this quite often!!!!
Its just men. Honestly its vegas.. which is why im viewing it as just an excuse to party rather than support one another. I would go, but i doubt he wants me tagging along to vegas.
You should go to Vegas, too. It will prove the point that you made vacation plans and have taken the time off to have one.
Even if you don’t go out and do whatever guy things they have in mind — how old are they anyway and why is that important — you can rent a car and plan to enjoy yourself. Your boyfriend can choose to join you or you can entertain yourself.
Show some gumption. Don’t let these guys disrespect you. Plan to have a great time.
Quality bonding time is not a trip to Vegas with other guys too.
Brother will have other friends there to party with
Sounds to me that partying in Vegas with the guys just sounds more interesting to him than whatever you planned.
Go with him (if he "lets you") Vegas is fun
From what you've told us, I think you are being selfish but your reaction is understandable and normal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235
and i should just let him do what he needs to do?
I guess so. For now anyway. I get that the Vegas thing doesn't sit well with you, and it very well may just be a BS excuse to party, but you have no way of knowing for sure. People deal with grief in different ways and this may feel necessary for the brothers.
That said, when a guy who has a girlfriend goes to Vegas without her, it's usually not a good sign.
I'd say to just try and suck it up for now. It won't be forever. Maybe make it a girl's vacation. Sorry for his loss. We've had a lot of death in our combined families the last couple of years, I can understand how he feels.
My boyfriends brother died a little under a year ago. His other brother is kind of selfish and i feel like my boyfriend has been dropping everything for him, including me. I've put multiple plans on hold all throughout the year so my boyfriend could spend time with his brother (his brother lives in another state so my boyfriend has been flying back and forth).... i wanted to go on vacation later in the summer and took off of work and everything for it. Now my boyfriend's brother invited him on a trip that same week we planned to go away and now my boyfriend wants to do that instead. I'm not sure if I can take off a different week because of my work schedule. So i'm feeling like my boyfriend dropped me for his brother.
I'm trying to be understanding but i specifically asked my boyfriend if he wanted to do a small trip and it was okay if he didn't feel like it, but he said yes and now he's saying he wants to go on vacation with his brother instead. I know my boyfriend's brother has been having a hard time with his grief so i understand my boyfriend wanting to go, but i just feel like it's unfair. It's my life too.
Do I have a right to be upset about this or am i being selfish and i should just let him do what he needs to do? and just to be frank, i'm pretty sure his brother would NOT do the same for him.
He did drop you for his brother. What's with all the brotherly love, anyway? It seems a little unusual for brothers to be that close.
Take your vacation somewhere fun, on your own, and start looking for someone who's able to honor his commitments to you.
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) Vegas is fun
