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Most people would not consider 5 homes in 15 years, dozens of cars in 20 years, and 10 jobs in an equally short period with periods of time totally off work to be indicative of someone who is excellent at personal finance. That seems to me more like flying by the seat of your pants and hoping for the best.
Yeah, that took awhile to hit my brain.... in 30 years I've had 4 cars (one was given to me by a family member, so I gave the one I had to another family member and one was stolen), and 3 homes (1 I moved in with DH for a short time before we sold). Never really thought about it before.
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Folks have been telling her this since the minute she joined, she won't listen. And she wonders why nothing is working.
Basically what it boils down to. "When I'm really truly tired, I'll leave." I just wish she would stick to this without trying to involve everyone else here.
The constant and unrelenting drama would do me in. I relish in the solace and quiet of my home and would consider drama of that magnitude an invasion of my peace and peace of mind. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth the angst OP bathes in daily, nothing.
But ocnjgirl your relationship sounds like a marriage or at least a stable years-long relationship. If I was in a relationship of less than a year I certainly would not be putting my entire paycheck into a joint account, male or female!
I didn’t realize it was so soon! I think it’s probably not great for the kids so soon, either. LowOnLuck (you should change that handle, law of attraction and all) I wish you would reconsider and realize you are seeing who he really is. Before I met my honey, I dated a guy who was an angry man, for 3 years. In the beginning he seemed awesome, I saw the real him about 3 months later. I should have left them but I dreaded starting over and had been mostly single for years. It was three pretty awful years, and I’m actually embarrassed about a lot of things I put up with.
It sounds like you are doing all the heavy lifting and problem solving, and all he does is shoot you down. A man who deserved you would look at all of you as his family, while he sounds like he’s looking out for only himself.
Lowonluck, he is getting what he wants out of this deal. You are not. You have asked for change. He is not willing. Is this working for you?
I think you have a picture in your head of what you want in life, but then pick men who are either not capable of being that OR you sabatoge it OR your picture is unrealistic OR somethimg else.
So if I were you, I would evaluate myself. Maybe a therapist could help you to do this. It is entirely possible you are just attracted to the wrong type guy & you need figure out why. Maybe you need change your picture of what you want. Maybe it would be better for you to plan to not have a man living in your household until after your children are grown.
The other parts of your life you seem to have dialed in. Why is this part wonky?
That parts is fine. My question is really how do you share expenses without sharing bank accounts and information about ones finances.
Simple. You figure out a fair portion of the mortgage and utilities and he pays it. You have 2 kids but fair isn't necessarily just 1/4 of the expenses unless that amounts to what he could reasonably expect to pay somewhere alone, the same way expenses don't automatically double if two people live in a place vs just one.
I'd never depend on one person paying a variable amount such as groceries or eating out because one person's perspective of how much they paid is never going to match another's. I tried to do that when my sister in law and her kids lived with us for a few months but the issue always turned into does $250 worth of chips and snacks that her kids inhaled after school really equal the heat bill?? So, you come up with a fair number and eliminate the variables. If two adults can't come up with an agreeable way to split the utilities then they probably shouldn't be living together.
Pushing your kids into cooking duties just because you don't want to cook seems really a bad idea to me. The 7 year old no way, I'm not handing that kid a sharp knife. And the 14 year old only if s/he is interested in participating. I began cooking at 15 but only because I wanted to. I'm pretty sure my mom was really proud of me that night I cooked our family dinner the first time!
At 14 my jobs were (1) get good grades at school, (2) take out the trash, (3) ugh, mow the lawn. My sister had similar age-appropriate duties (but I forgot what hers were). Children should not be treated as labor sources. The idea behind giving them a few jobs is to give them an allowance too, and they don't get the $$$ if they don't do their duties. This builds the mental connection that if you want money you have to work for it, and to give your children a small amount of money so they can learn money management skills. Like when I wanted something more than my weekly allowance I had to save up for it. Duties and an allowance are a child's first lesson in personal finance.
So clearly you were not interested in participating in mowing the lawn but you did so anyway because it was part of your chores. There's no reason helping with dinner can't be a similar chore. As someone else pointed out there's no reason, except laziness, that OP can't make a frozen lasagne or follow a simple recipe. Everything has step by step videos on You Tube. If they make learning to cook a joint project with the 14 year old they can both benefit. Many people have their kids in the kitchen since toddlerhood doing age appropriate tasks. Both the kids are years behind in learning beneficial skills.
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