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We have an extreme crisis in masculinity. We have so many absent fathers. We have Baby Boomer fathers who were able to put together long lasting relationships in a time where traits that were appreciated in the 1960s and possibly early 1970s are no longer appreciated by the modern, young single woman. Men need more guidance than women perceive men need. There's an expectation among women that men need to know it all, and lopsided sex ratios in the younger singles population do not help the problem we have. Spelling things out in great detail is helpful to many men who never received guidance and are expected to know a lot.
If spelling it out entails cliches like smooth jazz, rose petals, and candles then Lord be with these boys.
How about this for guidance: get to know the woman the first. Not all of us are swooned by a "romantic" evening at the bachelor's pad. Heck some of us aren't trying to be swooned. We just want to get to know you. No need for a show. Wait, is this advice not cynical or cunning enough for dudes to take?
I advised OP not to go through with the evening. I thought that he would be disappointed on many levels. I did offer some suggestions if he chose to go down his original stated path.
I know you did, and I acknowledged that. But you have some serious issues you need to address, based on the language you use here to describe your thoughts toward and interactions with women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
I agree that we have a "survival of the fittest" thing going on. Because of the lopsided ratios in the United States, other Western nations, China, and India, men need immense guidance. I fail to see why it is unpalatable for you to have men attempting to achieve self-improvement while at the same time women tend to be voracious consumers of self-improvement materials. Men should take the initiative towards helping themselves. This current environment is very male-unfriendly and men need to strive for achievement.
As I said before, not all advice is equal. We both know there is a ton of stuff out there aimed at men and their insecurities. Women do not corner the market in that area.
The problem is that there is plenty of bad advice being offered. That's what's unpalatable to me.
Au contraire. This is excellent advice.
Keep doing this men.
When I explicitly don't do this I'll be at a distinct disad...hah... Excuse me. A distinct disadv...lo... Sorry. A distinct disadvantage.
If spelling it out entails cliches like smooth jazz, rose petals, and candles then Lord be with these boys.
How about this for guidance: get to know the woman the first. Not all of us are swooned by a "romantic" evening at the bachelor's pad. Heck some of us aren't trying to be swooned. We just want to get to know you. No need for a show. Wait, is this advice not cynical or cunning enough for dudes to take?
I did not specifically name rose petals in any of my messages here.
OP was looking to get laid. What does a 29 year old man have in common with a 45 year old woman? Since there is an oversupply of single 29 year old men relative to single 23-27 year old woman and an oversupply of single 45 year old women relative to single 45-50 year old men, this would simply be a short term convenience pairing because neither could find any better option if it were to work. However, a 45 year old woman will also be hotly pursued by men around age 55+ and will likely have better options than the OP. The OP is not doing himself any favors by showing that he failed to logistically plan for a seduction that puts his best effort forward and is most likely to succeed.
Getting to know each other's bodies is part of getting to know each other. I think that introducing the sexual component into a relationship soon is good, particularly if both parties have a healthy sex drive. Most of us have relationships with the opposite sex so that we can have sex. Why not do what we want to do most as soon as possible?
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Romance, maybe, but what makes you think a woman is more likely to jump into bed with you if she is getting her food, wine and (ugh) "smooth jazz" in your home rather than at a restaurant, bar, party, etc?
Are you one of those who believes that if a woman enters your home after dark she is obviously DTF?
When the home dinner date invitation is extended, it is usually a 2nd or 3rd date and the 3rd or 4th in-person interaction. It's a real make or break date. I can meet someone in a non-bar venue like a grocery store, the gym, the mall, or any other non-bar venue. If I meet her at a bar, then perhaps we get drinks somewhere else another time. I prefer non-bar venue first interactions to bar first interactions. I would then ask them to meet me for drinks in a place with good ambience for a first date. We would at least have our first kiss during that date. I will casually mention my cooking skills and perhaps show a picture of something that I've cooked well. If the first date just ends with kissing and does not end up with sex, I would prefer to have a second date at my apartment as a home dinner date. Sometimes there may be an intervening activity date depending upon common interests, but I prefer to get to a home dinner date sooner.
The goal of all home dinner dates is for the evening to end with sex. There has been some kissing on the first date and there's been a strong indication of interest in romance.
I did not specifically name rose petals in any of my messages here.
OP was looking to get laid. What does a 29 year old man have in common with a 45 year old woman? Since there is an oversupply of single 29 year old men relative to single 23-27 year old woman and an oversupply of single 45 year old women relative to single 45-50 year old men, this would simply be a short term convenience pairing because neither could find any better option if it were to work. However, a 45 year old woman will also be hotly pursued by men around age 55+ and will likely have better options than the OP. The OP is not doing himself any favors by showing that he failed to logistically plan for a seduction that puts his best effort forward and is most likely to succeed.
Getting to know each other's bodies is part of getting to know each other. I think that introducing the sexual component into a relationship soon is good, particularly if both parties have a healthy sex drive. Most of us have relationships with the opposite sex so that we can have sex. Why not do what we want to do most as soon as possible?
When the home dinner date invitation is extended, it is usually a 2nd or 3rd date and the 3rd or 4th in-person interaction. It's a real make or break date. I can meet someone in a non-bar venue like a grocery store, the gym, the mall, or any other non-bar venue. If I meet her at a bar, then perhaps we get drinks somewhere else another time. I prefer non-bar venue first interactions to bar first interactions. I would then ask them to meet me for drinks in a place with good ambience for a first date. We would at least have our first kiss during that date. I will casually mention my cooking skills and perhaps show a picture of something that I've cooked well. If the first date just ends with kissing and does not end up with sex, I would prefer to have a second date at my apartment as a home dinner date. Sometimes there may be an intervening activity date depending upon common interests, but I prefer to get to a home dinner date sooner.
The goal of all home dinner dates is for the evening to end with sex. There has been some kissing on the first date and there's been a strong indication of interest in romance.
Smooth jazz is all instrument based and is easy listening. Elements of it can be erotic. The idea is to create a home environment that emphasizes elements of eroticism. It can be done through any combination of the senses. Erotic sounding music can work. Scented candles (smell, sight) with scents that are known aphrodisiacs are good. The right lighting is also part of sight and can set a good mood.
The goal of all home dinner dates is for the evening to end with sex. There has been some kissing on the first date and there's been a strong indication of interest in romance.
You're a regular Casanova, aren't you? Insert eye roll here.
You have numerous women telling you you're wrong in most areas but ok....
Ahhh yeeeahhh...Smoove B. i Loved his Column, innuendo intended.
"...I know we have known each other for only two weeks, but I already know you are the girl for me. You are the only one I want to laugh with, talk with, and grind on the dance floor with. You are the only one I want to ride."
The goal of all home dinner dates is for the evening to end with sex. There has been some kissing on the first date and there's been a strong indication of interest in romance.
That's just "bullfrog" and you can mentally insert what I mean.
A real gentleman playing the long game is going to wait a dozen dates or many months to find a genuine, lasting relationship. That's me and I'm honest.
Best I'd expect first dinner my place is a nice makeout session: petting. This would be after several dates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
Smooth jazz is all instrument based and is easy listening. Elements of it can be erotic. The idea is to create a home environment that emphasizes elements of eroticism. It can be done through any combination of the senses. Erotic sounding music can work. Scented candles (smell, sight) with scents that are known aphrodisiacs are good. The right lighting is also part of sight and can set a good mood.
You are projecting, fantasizing. In fact you are FOS. You should discuss music with your intended and play music based upon your common interests.
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Originally Posted by LLCNYC
You're a regular Casanova, aren't you? Insert eye roll here.
insert:
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC
You have numerous women telling you you're wrong in most areas but ok....
Hey, I'm a man. I gave the same advice my woman friends gave. Almost everybody in this topic has told the OP to tone it down.
Speaking about the OP missing, my theory is that he tried this and made his move and she grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stabbed him in his heart!
She's probably trying to dispose of the body as I type...
One less MCP in the world......
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