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I really don't think it's any different, really. Talking to people is talking to people. Sometimes the person I will talking about will be a 25 yo dude, or a 38 single woman, or sometimes a 69 yo retired guy. It's really the same thing until after we connect. If there is (on that rare occasion) some chemistry with the 38 yo single woman, and mutual interest, that is when things change. Nothing is really different before you, or when you initially, chat. People are people.
And sure, some people do have trouble just having conversations with strangers. That is a common challenge.
Yet some people, men and women, get a bit flustered when talking to someone they find physically attractive whether they have any interest in the person or not. And then there are people who almost consciously set themselves up by making more of an incidental interaction than it really merits. A fair # of people do this to a small, manageable degree, but some have enough anticipatory anxiety that it's pretty disabling, and among people with that level of social anxiety, it's commonly more intense around a person they might have an interest in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Right. Your intention shouldn't change your ability to start a conversation with a stranger. Worrying about the outcome before you even start is a recipe for disaster.
Just treat women like any other person who seems interesting and worth knowing.
I know I'm picking nits, but should and just are not always helpful words. People should drive responsibly, refrain from substance abuse, stay faithful to partners, and treat their children lovingly, but that doesn't always happen. And in all those cases it's just a matter of making good choices. Yet people just don't do what they should.
I know I'm picking nits, but should and just are not always helpful words. People should drive responsibly, refrain from substance abuse, stay faithful to partners, and treat their children lovingly, but that doesn't always happen. And in all those cases it's just a matter of making good choices. Yet people just don't do what they should.
I can't disagree. People too often get in their own way and no one is immune. People with social disabilities can overcome them with patience and practice. Yet too many fall victim to their own frustration, laziness and need to blame others.
Nothing. But I don't "want" people because I looked at them.
When I meet someone and am attracted to them, I go for it, if it is appropriate.
Exactly. That was my approach. I could think "Hey, he/she is cute." while out and about and still not have the desire to approach them. I didn't take interest in everyone I thought was nice to ogle.
I initiated contact with every guy I was interested in. Why not? I saw no reason to wait. If my curiosity was piqued, I went for it. It's how my husband and I met.
I think he's talking about engaging the person in enough conversation to determine whether he might be interested in her, as well as allowing her the opportunity to make the same assessment of him. That requires more than a friendly word or two, and as simple as it seems, even to me as I write this, it's a common challenge for people.
And I know you know all of this, but he's not grasping yours or other people's Socratic approach to the topic.
I can't recall being attracted to someone before interacting with them. How could I? I don't know them, I don't know if there is any chemistry, any rapport. There is nothing to be attracted to.
I can think they're good looking (oh wow), but that's pretty meaningless. I see literally dozens of good looking people a day. It doesn't affect me at all other than the oh wow.
Hmm, while at first blush, I would think that I am not attracted until interacting, in retrospect I realize it is not entirely true.
I can think of people I met that sparked an interest that made me want to talk to them. That doesn’t mean I wanted to date them right away. But I did want to get to know them more to explore that possibility.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
Hmm, while at first blush, I would think that I am not attracted until interacting, in retrospect I realize it is not entirely true.
I can think of people I met that sparked an interest that made me want to talk to them. That doesn’t mean I wanted to date them right away. But I did want to get to know them more to explore that possibility.
Well, if you've met them I presume you've been introduced to them and interacted some. Sure, sometimes just a brief interaction is all it takes.
But that (meeting them) is pretty significantly different than just seeing them.
Swallowing the red pill is the hardest truth for me. The notion that if you aren't confident with your approach women are quick to friend zone.. they don't really care how "nice" you are if you are a pushover or talk or act like you are "weak". This can sort of be tested in real life.. you can watch them lose attractiveness in real time. It's wired into their biology generally speaking. One of the best documents that I've read that tends to mirror my experiences is this one... it also explains how modern society has failed men...
A lot of the older posters here can't really appreciate the fact that our culture has changed.. women have a lot more options and aren't stuck with rigid cultural restraints like in the past. They are much more free to branch swing, explore, and test the waters. This makes it much harder for the average man because there's always someone out there more exciting than you, and excitement drives attraction. It's also the reason they are waiting longer to marry.. they want to get all the "fun" out of their system.
Last edited by sholomar; 07-18-2018 at 07:00 AM..
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