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I was in love with a best friend for some time but I want to say that in the past month or so, I have moved on. It was self-realization that I came to all of sudden. It was like one day I just woke up and was over him. Ever since that moment, I have had no desire to date him, sleep with him, and I used to even think about the times we had sex and how romantic they were. I don't think about that anymore AT ALL. I saw just this past weekend, and he started to look more unattractive to me. It's great because I am starting to see other guys in another light, not realizing what was in front of me before. I am also dating in a much healthier way different guys because now I can be fully committed to someone. I also see how there are much better guys for me.
Is this usually how it works? You wake up one day and you just move on? I didn't realize it was a one hit process. I thought it would be something much more drawn out.
Studies have shown that women move on quickly however men are bothered for a long time, sometimes years. Many men kill themselves when their wives leave, but you don’t see that type of behavior from women. A theory is that in past worlds men would die frequently in wars and that women would need to move on quickly to another partner for both protection, resources, and a decreasing fertility as she ages. I find this topic fascinating, however I would say your feelings are considered normal. Fwiw I am a man and tend to lament past relationships for years.
I was in love with a best friend for some time but I want to say that in the past month or so, I have moved on. It was self-realization that I came to all of sudden. It was like one day I just woke up and was over him. Ever since that moment, I have had no desire to date him, sleep with him, and I used to even think about the times we had sex and how romantic they were. I don't think about that anymore AT ALL. I saw just this past weekend, and he started to look more unattractive to me. It's great because I am starting to see other guys in another light, not realizing what was in front of me before. I am also dating in a much healthier way different guys because now I can be fully committed to someone. I also see how there are much better guys for me.
Is this usually how it works? You wake up one day and you just move on? I didn't realize it was a one hit process. I thought it would be something much more drawn out.
Have you actually moved on though?
You have mentioned him or discussed him at length in most of your threads. And even with this one, though you say you don't desire him anymore, you're STILL posting about him and giving him space in your head.
IMO, when you stop thinking and talking about him with any regularity is when you'll know you have truly moved on from him.
The duration of the pain varies, though. When my wife left four years ago, it hurt very deeply for several days. However, given our tumultuous marriage, as well as strong support from my friends and family, I recovered rather quickly. Within a few months, I began dating and hardly felt any more pain.
Now, in a couple of past relationships (post marriage), yes, it hurt deeply when they suddenly ended. I still occasionally think of one particular I dated two years ago - stagnant on her part, even after several dates (and yes, there was sex involved) - I wanted it to blossom, but she just wasn't sure. I had to let her go. I was crazy for her, but the feeling wasn't mutual. I never contacted her again. And never will.
I may or may not be able to let you know soon. I got over my first real long term girlfriend fairly quick, but I missed her for years after that. I came to accept it very fast, within days. It hurt, I cried a bit, sometimes not in private, it sucked. But I did get over it quick. I regretted it for years later, but I got over it quick.
Recently and I mean very recently, my second long term relationship ended. I was engaged to this one and we were to be married in a little over two months. She left me, for the guy she was with before me, we were together for four years and she up and left me. While I was out of town (for work), no less. I had to send my best friend up for a 4 hour drive to the house to get her key and make sure she moved everything out of the house that was hers. This has been very recent for me, I'm heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken. I feel like I never wanna date anyone again. Those who have read my posts here, know full well that I was crazy about this woman and thought this was it for me, that she'd be forever. And a week after things seemed as good as ever, she up and left. And this one's gonna take some time. I've managed a few smiles here and there, but the mood swings are terrible. Just back and forth, and back and forth. I don't wanna go back to my house, because everything will remind me of her.
If I can wake up tomorrow and move on, that would be great! For what it's worth, I don't want her back. Even if I did, I couldn't rest well knowing that this guy is in the background and she left me for him once. She'd do it again.
I may or may not be able to let you know soon. I got over my first real long term girlfriend fairly quick, but I missed her for years after that. I came to accept it very fast, within days. It hurt, I cried a bit, sometimes not in private, it sucked. But I did get over it quick. I regretted it for years later, but I got over it quick.
Recently and I mean very recently, my second long term relationship ended. I was engaged to this one and we were to be married in a little over two months. She left me, for the guy she was with before me, we were together for four years and she up and left me. While I was out of town (for work), no less. I had to send my best friend up for a 4 hour drive to the house to get her key and make sure she moved everything out of the house that was hers. This has been very recent for me, I'm heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken. I feel like I never wanna date anyone again. Those who have read my posts here, know full well that I was crazy about this woman and thought this was it for me, that she'd be forever. And a week after things seemed as good as ever, she up and left. And this one's gonna take some time. I've managed a few smiles here and there, but the mood swings are terrible. Just back and forth, and back and forth. I don't wanna go back to my house, because everything will remind me of her.
If I can wake up tomorrow and move on, that would be great! For what it's worth, I don't want her back. Even if I did, I couldn't rest well knowing that this guy is in the background and she left me for him once. She'd do it again.
Off topic, but you seem such a thoroughly decent man, I am really sorry this has happened to you.
Off topic, but you seem such a thoroughly decent man, I am really sorry this has happened to you.
Thank you.
Strangely enough, it’s not the worst pain I’ve felt. Getting dumped by the girl I lost my virginity to when I was 20 years old seemed worse than this. Just going off memory. It’s still been a lot of back and forth though. Wish there was a magic elixir to make myself able to forget about it just like that.
Strangely enough, it’s not the worst pain I’ve felt. Getting dumped by the girl I lost my virginity to when I was 20 years old seemed worse than this. Just going off memory. It’s still been a lot of back and forth though. Wish there was a magic elixir to make myself able to forget about it just like that.
The only magic elixir is time and understanding of WTF just happened. Been there, done that. I really wish you the best.
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