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When is it appropriate to have "The Relationship" question? I have been dating a guy for 6 weeks and he clearly seems like the one for me. But I think he doesn't take the whole thing seriously, it's just having some hot girl for fun maybe. I want to sit him down and ask where this is all going because I want to get married and settle down one day. But I also don't want to annoy him and my hunch is it's a little early for that. Any thoughts welcome.
How many dates have you had with him during the six weeks? What makes you think he is not taking you seriously? Have you had sex? Most men will let you know if/when they want a serious relationship. If they don't, they usually are not serious and just having fun. Give him ninety days. If you still like him, you may want to initiate the relationship discussion. If he gets annoyed and/or stops seeing you, that was his plan from the beginning. I am not asking you to answer questions here; answer for you.
Six weeks? I'm not even sure that six months will be long enough to know for sure.
I don't know, six weeks might be early to have "the talk" but it's not too early to start figuring out if you both want the same thing (i.e. long-term relationship vs. just having fun.)
When is it appropriate to have "The Relationship" question? I have been dating a guy for 6 weeks and he clearly seems like the one for me. But I think he doesn't take the whole thing seriously, it's just having some hot girl for fun maybe. I want to sit him down and ask where this is all going because I want to get married and settle down one day. But I also don't want to annoy him and my hunch is it's a little early for that. Any thoughts welcome.
Well, what I am doing now has been the most successful relationship I've had yet, and the timing and stages went like this:
1. Intellectual curiosity
...getting together at social events, getting to know each other a little more...
2. Declarations of sexual interest followed by engagement in sexual activity (at the 2 month point.)
...ongoing getting together for sex about once a week, a lunch date in between, and seeing each other at social events still...
3. Development of intense "feels" and statements of love (He said he loved me first, early in the sex/dating phase, and I said it too, but really intense emotional bonding happened around 6 months after we started having sex & dating.)
4. Exclusivity, about 2 months after "feels" point.
5. At around the 1 year point from when we began dating/sex, we started talking about moving in together...
6. A good 10 months or so after those talks began, we actually did move in together.
7. As we were planning those logistics and leading up to moving, we discussed that it might be a good idea to get married sometime, though we are holding off for a few reasons.
8. We have now been together almost 3 years, lived together for almost 1 year, and are pretty sure that in 2-3 years or so, we'll get married. (I'd love for his father to be there, that will be after we move to where his Dad lives, which will be after my youngest son is grown.)
So in other words, we took our time and took things one step at a time. I think that this is the wise way to go. Before you start talking about the next stage, it's good if your partner is somewhere near being on the same page in terms of how they feel. And the only way I've found to figure that out, without spooking someone, is to give it time and tread carefully.
And as much as it's fine to have goals and all, if you are putting the goal of simply being married ahead of the connection you're building with another human being, I think you're making a mistake. The institution is not more important than the people living it. At least, that's what I believe. But I have had a bad marriage that ended dramatically, and I never want to do such a thing again.
Six weeks? I'm not even sure that six months will be long enough to know for sure.
You mean for you. I'm getting married in a few months and I knew he was the guy for me in a matter of minutes. We didn't rush out to Vegas to get married but it was clear that the search was over.
You mean for you. I'm getting married in a few months and I knew he was the guy for me in a matter of minutes. We didn't rush out to Vegas to get married but it was clear that the search was over.
When is it appropriate to have "The Relationship" question? I have been dating a guy for 6 weeks and he clearly seems like the one for me. But I think he doesn't take the whole thing seriously, it's just having some hot girl for fun maybe. I want to sit him down and ask where this is all going because I want to get married and settle down one day. But I also don't want to annoy him and my hunch is it's a little early for that. Any thoughts welcome.
I would wait at least a few months. Granted, I am slow. Most people in here tell me too slow—I like to wait between 12-15 dates to define things like exclusivity, etc and personally, if the other person isn’t bothered, will wait longer. I like to take my time to get to know someone and know them well, along with giving more subtle dealbreakers time to come out, which IME takes months, before all that. I am female BTW.
Look, pressuring him could end things prematurely. Why aren’t you still also dating others to avoid latching onto him? Even if you practice sexclusivity, you should be accepting dinner dates and the like from others. I get it about wanting to get married, but most people don’t know at six weeks if they want something “serious” with the other person yet. Just let it breathe. Look at this time as a way to evaluate him as well.
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