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[quote=JBT1980;52690481]I use these forums to vent..Anyone who’s apart of my life will tell you I’m one of the nicest laid back people they’ve ever met..
Believe me I’m not bitching and moaning to people in my personal life..I’m too ashamed to admit to people my insecurities and struggles with women..[/quote]
Then you're perfectly aligned with the rest of us. No one is having a better time at it than you; we are all just pretending.
Well you know, I mean, I'm glad to hear that. But it's not about being nice and laid back necessarily.
Just be aware that women can be really good at picking up on subtle information that people don't THINK they are communicating. If it's in your mind a lot, it might be leaking out in ways you don't know you're broadcasting.
And most of us, when we have a friend...a real friend...we vent to them about our issues. That's pretty normal. Which is why I would suspect a friend might not want to take things to another level.
The other thing, is sometimes caring too much. Like I have had lots of relationships come and go in my life, and almost everyone I've known, including my parents, got divorced. So my brain does not automatically expect relationships to last. Even when I was dating, one of my thought processes was, "How will this guy act or feel, if I have to break up with him? Do we go on as friends? Will it be dramatic? How does that look?" If anything I felt reasonably comfortable with my boyfriend because he's lived this long without a woman to lean on, so it shouldn't be an "I can't live without you" situation if it ever ends.
But if I get a certain vibe from a guy, that he doesn't handle change or loss well, if I value his friendship I won't date him. Because I know that if I do, chances are it'll end (because relationships often do, sooner or later) and if that means losing the friendship, I'd rather not chance it.
Ehh I don’t believe all women have this amazing intuition about men..If that’s the case then they’d never end up with troubled guys..
Plus nobody is perfect so this idea that any flaw is the reason people can’t find dates or marriage is bs..most couples are flawed human beings like we all are in some ways..
Ehh I don’t believe all women have this amazing intuition about men..If that’s the case then they’d never end up with troubled guys..
Plus nobody is perfect so this idea that any flaw is the reason people can’t find dates or marriage is bs..most couples are flawed human beings like we all are in some ways..
Then why exactly are you unable to find someone? I know you're going to say your looks, but even you know that men who look just like you are in happy relationships or are quite content when they aren't. So what's the real issue here that makes you different from them?
Ehh I don’t believe all women have this amazing intuition about men..If that’s the case then they’d never end up with troubled guys..
Plus nobody is perfect so this idea that any flaw is the reason people can’t find dates or marriage is bs..most couples are flawed human beings like we all are in some ways..
No, any flaw is not necessarily the reason "people can't find" but any flaw MIGHT be the reason that I, one particular specific woman, choose to reject YOU, one particular specific man.
Do you think the reason is the same every time I reject a guy?
Do you think the reason was the same every time a man has rejected me?
Why would the reason be the same for every time a woman has rejected you, if they were different women?
And the reasons women end up in troubled relationships are not always be cause we were blind and didn't see the problem. Could be that we saw it, but didn't take it as seriously as we should. Maybe we were young and lacked the wisdom to know how big a deal it might be. Maybe we saw the problem but also a lot of good things, and hoped we could "save" the guy by strengthening his best aspects and helping him overcome his challenges. Maybe we were programmed by what our fathers were like, and are just replaying a narrative, and we're not self-aware enough to see it and think it's just life "happening to" us. Or maybe a guy was a sociopath and just that smooth and really had us fooled.
Some PEOPLE are very intuitive.
But here's another strength women sometimes utilize. We know which ones of our friends ARE highly intuitive. And often we'll introduce our male dates to our female friends, and then...you know those group bathroom breaks? Yeah, those are for gossip. Which is how we figure out if you're bad news and we just aren't seeing it...our more objective friend probably sees it. We warn each other and share impressions.
All of us? Oh no. Absolutely not. Some women aren't even friends with other women!
Some of us? Uh huh.
But that's kind of the point. You, like some of our other posters here, seem to want so badly for things to be so simple, with just one simple answer, "I'm ugly." Period, full stop. Nothing more to it than that. It's cool, you can stop your ears and go, "LALALA" all you want. But there is and always will be more to you, and more to other people, than looks.
No, any flaw is not necessarily the reason "people can't find" but any flaw MIGHT be the reason that I, one particular specific woman, choose to reject YOU, one particular specific man.
Do you think the reason is the same every time I reject a guy?
Do you think the reason was the same every time a man has rejected me?
Why would the reason be the same for every time a woman has rejected you, if they were different women?
And the reasons women end up in troubled relationships are not always be cause we were blind and didn't see the problem. Could be that we saw it, but didn't take it as seriously as we should. Maybe we were young and lacked the wisdom to know how big a deal it might be. Maybe we saw the problem but also a lot of good things, and hoped we could "save" the guy by strengthening his best aspects and helping him overcome his challenges. Maybe we were programmed by what our fathers were like, and are just replaying a narrative, and we're not self-aware enough to see it and think it's just life "happening to" us. Or maybe a guy was a sociopath and just that smooth and really had us fooled.
Some PEOPLE are very intuitive.
But here's another strength women sometimes utilize. We know which ones of our friends ARE highly intuitive. And often we'll introduce our male dates to our female friends, and then...you know those group bathroom breaks? Yeah, those are for gossip. Which is how we figure out if you're bad news and we just aren't seeing it...our more objective friend probably sees it. We warn each other and share impressions.
All of us? Oh no. Absolutely not. Some women aren't even friends with other women!
Some of us? Uh huh.
But that's kind of the point. You, like some of our other posters here, seem to want so badly for things to be so simple, with just one simple answer, "I'm ugly." Period, full stop. Nothing more to it than that. It's cool, you can stop your ears and go, "LALALA" all you want. But there is and always will be more to you, and more to other people, than looks.
You and others are trying to make it simple by saying it’s because of insecurity and all women are so clairvoyant and intuitive that they can see right through men..
You and others are trying to make it simple by saying it’s because of insecurity and all women are so clairvoyant and intuitive that they can see right through men..
I'm trying to say that there is more to you, than your (poor, according to you) looks, that might be of interest to a woman, and if you fail to get a woman to love, there's more to it. Because I see some ugly mofos in this world who have found love.
Which is what every woman says because we know damn well we are interested in more than looks. Again, if looks were king, we'd just get a doll. They make pretty realistic ones these days. Most women looking for a partner though, are seeking a companion. The whole package.
Or you know, if you have just showed up here to get validation in your self imposed suffering, hey. Go you I guess. You're right, it must be because you're terrible to behold. Surely your personality is so fantastic that any woman who gets to know you would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be your partner...if only you looked better.
Whatever dude.
The other issue IMO is that you fixated on someone who wasn't gonna work out that way. You could have figured that out pretty quick and then cast a wider net. But I don't think you are casting much of a net at all.
But I'll quit harping on you in particular, we already know you won't be moved from your position. That's fine, if that's where you want to be.
How do I not take rejection personally?
Huh...think think think...yeah, I believe I have taken it personally pretty much every time. I suffer, a little or a lot, and feel all petulant and sorry for myself, and then I get over it and put my energy into trying to find what I need with somebody else. Thing is, I usually decide that some part of how I acted with the guy who rejected me, is the reason he rejected me. (Massive assumption, and one I shouldn't make.) I feel it's got to be my fault, so I need to do something different next time.
Like the time I felt I was far to "forward" with the one guy, and he rejected me, and I moped and whined about it for a bit, so with the next man I hoped to start something up with, I played it coy and tried to be more subtle. Which is why 2 months went by with me wondering, "Does this dude even WANT to get into my pants?" Finally when he said he didn't think he took hints so well, I threw caution to the wind and went direct, and that's exactly what HE needed. Well well. Men are not all alike. In a surprising twist that surprises no one at all.
Rejection hurts sometimes no matter why it happened. Hurting is normal, human stuff. But sooner or later, ya gotta let it go.
I've been rejected so many times that I just built up scar tissue and it hardly hurts to hit me there now. I've also been accepted so many times so I don't have a lot of angst. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I'm just looking for a winner that lasts.
I'm sure women have good instincts about men (some women, maybe most), and also some women are hyper-critical and see things where there is nothing. They've been hit on so often that some of them don't recognize the real thing. But... there's plenty of fish in the ocean and I live mere miles from the beach.
Online dating has helped me better understand the difference between love and infatuation, and friendship. I've realized that being infatuated then rejected is not enough reason to get all butt hurt over it.
Because I see some ugly mofos in this world who have found love.
Think I woke somebody up laughing so hard at this.
LMAO
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