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I'm a man in my mid 20s and trying to date but so far, I've gotten so much advice that's conflicting from my parents (mother specifically) and extended family who used to say that dating's for when you're in college and approaching a random woman is rude to my former classmates and a few lads I've seen who say the opposite, approach any woman but have confidence. "Dating is about experience and the younger you start , the better".
The internet doesn't offer any consolation regarding this, you see men and women say all sorts of things. What's funny is that on Reddit, you see all these threads of men getting with older women (20yr males 30-35yr females) along with dating taller women but on boards here, it seems that almost every woman is entirely traditional (wants a masculine, tall, stable man). Nothing wrong with that but it's all over the place.
What's the truth and what's fake?
You are right, and women get conflicting dating advice on men too. The positive take away though, is that there must be someone for everyone.
You thought it necessary to bring up your wife, to prove what? Now back on topic.
You saw fit to single me out as someone to avoid because my opinion differed from yours, so I gave a light hearted personalized response, which you used to disparage my relationship with my wife. Now back on topic.
I did not take UB's comment to mean that women tell you things that aren't right because we are trying to make ourselves look good...I took it to mean that we often see ourselves through a certain lens and I believe that's completely correct. I mean, not every person is a self-aware person. There have been LOTS of times that I had trouble telling people (partners, dating profiles, etc) what exactly I wanted, because I did not really KNOW. In order to be honest with someone else, even in the sense of giving advice, you have to first be honest with yourself. Lots and lots of people aren't. That includes women, and that includes men.
So I think that in taking advice from anyone of any gender, you've got to filter out the ones who are not seeing themselves quite clearly. You have guys who believe they're nice guys but in fact they're a mess, talking about ridiculous "universal theories" of what women want, and they appear to be oblivious to what they're projecting. You've got women who say one thing, do another, and can't figure out why their lives are a mess except everybody's pretty sure it's not their fault, it's everyone else. The world is chock full of 'em. Asking broadly for advice, you get to wade through a pond of BS to find any diamonds in the muck. And as UB said, probably the best way to figure out who to listen to, is to look for those who have succeeded in whatever it is you want to do.
However I'd caution men...if you want LOVE, as in, a happy loving relationship with a woman...do NOT listen to men who are just really good at getting laid. Watch the dudes who have happy relationships. Don't get so hung up on that initial "approach" foolery that you assume the relationship (if you get a chance to have one) will go great and nothing could possibly go wrong. Maintaining a healthy relationship makes "approaching" look like child's play sometimes.
Now. Advice I'd give a young guy? All I can say is if I were a young man (and I am not either of those things) what I'd do, is keep my relationships somewhat casual, be honest about it but put off making any permanent decisions, do NOT get anyone pregnant, and focus on self-development. Be well on your way to knowing who you are, having your life philosophies and goals solidified, on your career path, educated, stable, before you even think about marriage or kids. Give yourself TIME. You will be a more appealing prospect, and have more "options" (which means greater likelihood of finding the right one, as opposed to "she will do") if you are not a college kid, if you're a stable man. And don't marry or impregnate a woman who is under 25 if you can help it. Both of you should be adults with fully formed brains before you agree to something that's meant to be lifelong, is what I'm saying. But by all means, date and have fun. Just do everything you can to play it safe.
SS- I don't care if I offend or disregard anyone who's status is LITERALLY HITLER. Ok with you?
Oh yeah.
I wasn't really paying attention to his status. Just his comment. I took it differently than you did. Though I often disagree with him, I don't have much interest in beefing with people on principle, especially when (as I interpreted his comment) I agree with 'em for a change.
I'm defending that statement, I think it's got some merit.
I'm not necessarily defending Uncle Bully.
He's a bully, he can defend himself I guess. ??
And I am pretty sure his status is intended to be...ironic or something. But again, that's just my assumption/interpretation.
I wasn't really paying attention to his status. Just his comment. I took it differently than you did. Though I often disagree with him, I don't have much interest in beefing with people on principle, especially when (as I interpreted his comment) I agree with 'em for a change.
I'm defending that statement, I think it's got some merit.
I'm not necessarily defending Uncle Bully.
He's a bully, he can defend himself I guess. ??
And I am pretty sure his status is intended to be...ironic or something. But again, that's just my assumption/interpretation.
And my intention is that-- sure women don't see themselves clearly all of the time, but neither do men. What would be wrong with me -in the head-, if my advice instead of "go and practice", was to find a way to point out something negative about the opposite sex in general? I get tired of the self righteous "oh women cant do this or that", well what is it about a guy who talks like that about women makes him likable to or successful with women? He has a wife...so what? Quite ironic, and besides that the Hitler thing makes me see red, so everything he posts is tainted to me, if it was "I hate liver" I would think "shut your stupid mouth" because of that precedent.
The bolded makes me question the validity of this thread but if you are asking about where you should get the most reliable advice about women I would suggest asking men who are successful with women. Women themselves are often going to tell you what they think they should want, not what they actually want, and men who are unsuccessful with women seem to have the most advice but it is advice born from failure. A man who has "gone his own way" can tell you what he thinks is wrong with women but he can't tell you how to get one.
Keep in mind men who are successful with women are successful with them for different reasons. Not all of them will work for you, so don't limit your advice to one source.
I agree. At least with asking men who are successful with women, rather than the ones who aren't.
I agree. At least with asking men who are successful with women, rather than the ones who aren't.
But with the caveat that Sonic brought up, that what "successful" looks like can be different. A guy who wants to find a nice woman to settle down with probably isn't going to find much helpful advice from a guy who only wants to bag one night stands, and vice versa.
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There are married men who aren't kind and intelligent.
