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Lol, so you think she was wrong for judging me, but then you precede to judge me? I don't owe you any answers to your question, but I'll tell you the deal with the silverware if it is that big of an issue.
A few years ago, I was in an apartment that got infested with cockroaches. It had to be from another unit as I am always careful to wash dishes every night and take out trash, no food out. They were in the walls, awful enough to be crawling out of my light sockets. Until we got it under control, I was severely freaked out. I had to wash my dishes before and after using them. I felt like everything was contaminated including my silverware which was neatly in a silverware tray.
So I bought tupperware with tight sealable lids and sealed my silverware in them. I threw away the silverware tray. It always felt contanimated to me. Using the sealed tupperware container just stuck with me. I guess I still feel some uneasiness about hidden bugs crawling on the utensils I put in my mouth. I never saw a roach here but I do get spiders as we are close to the woods.
Maybe I can find a silverware tray with a sealable lid.
I guess that you were right, but I think that I was quite surprised (by your lack of a silverware tray/divider), and assumed that everything was thrown in a drawer in a big jumble. I could definitely see your hesitation with having anything open if you had cockroaches that bad.
Yes, they do make silverware trays with lids, my daughter bought one because she moved multiple times as a student and it always kept her silverware neat (at least that is why I assume she did it).
Wait! She is old enough to have a 16 year old daughter and she is dating someone who just throws his clean forks, spoons, knives, sharp knives and cooking utensils all in a kitchen drawer?
How old are you? How long have you lived in an apartment?
Now, her comment about the junk drawer was out of line, and she was definitely out of line suggested that you buy a silverware tray----------BUT---------OTOH, ---I don't know even one person who moved into their own apartment after HS or college and did not get a silverware tray to keep their silverware clean and divided (unless they just had one spoon, one fork and one knife that they used themselves and never had any guests).
BTW, almost everyone has a misc. drawer (junk drawer).
Maybe I missed the part where the OP said he throws silverware and sharp objects into a drawer. He said she was looking for a spoon and discovered his junk drawer. With mail and papers in it. Nothing about silverware in the junk drawer was even mentioned. Then she decides to order him while he's out to buy a tray, get rid of the stuff in the junk drawer and turn it into a silverware drawer. Sorry, but that's going too far on a first visit to someone's apartment. You don't bark orders at people because you're a neat freak. As much as a neat freak cannot possibly understand why someone would not be military-style organized, the non-military organized type cannot understand why it's the end of the world that he has a junk drawer.
She sounds like one of those that will spend the relationship "correcting" all the things he does "wrong" aka, anything she doesn't like.
Yeah there has. Like last week, she suggested going to the movies. I really don't like dating on work nights, but went along with it. That day, it was blazing hot and I just felt drained. I texted her a comment about feeling run down and her response was "you better not be trying to cancel on me."
My gut is telling me more and more that I should move on, but then she will be nice and it sends mixed signals.
Yes I do think you should move on based on this comment. Her reply is not an appropriate way for partners in a relationship to talk to each other. She has communication problems.
Why didn't she respect what you said about feeling drained and ask politely if you want to reschedule? She sounds like she only thinks about herself. Or she is very insecure and was afraid you didn't want to see her.
Wouldn't you have wanted her to say that she was really looking forward to seeing you but if you had to reschedule, she understands? That's what I would have said to my partner.
It also sounds like you fear breaking up with her because you think she is actually a nice person. It sounds like you are giving her the benefit of the doubt because you say she gives "mixed signals". I think you need to learn how to communicate to her directly how some of her comments make you feel.
Why did the comment "you better not be trying to cancel" bother you? You need to tell her why and see what she says. Even if it happened in the past its still clearly bothering you so it needs to be discussed. You can bring it up by saying that there are certain times that you've felt ___insert emotion ___ from things she said. Include what she said about the silverware tray.
And in comparison, when I first started spending the night with my partner he would leave his hair in the shower. It bothered me so much but I never said anything because #1 its not my place #2 i didn't want him to feel like i'm his mother. Only when we moved in did I mention it and they way I said it was, "it make me feel uncomfortable in the shower when I have to see your hair there". I never told him directly to clean it up.
I am personally happy if the single guy that lives alone has a halfway clean bathroom I can use.
Yes! I visited a male friend for a long weekend and he did not own any washcloths or hand towels. It was a very dusty area. I would come home covered in dust. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to wash my face or wipe the dust off- with a huge bath towel? I just went to the Target down the road and bought both. How can you not own a washcloth. I just don’t understand. They are literally like $5 for a 5-pack.
My suggestion is to get a silverware tray and let her 'rudeness' ride. A kitchen is a woman's domain (usually) and let's face it, we are generally not good at housekeeping. In fact, we are generally not good at being alone - well, speaking for myself anyway and you sound a lot like me. I don't like going out during the week either but I'll do it if my lady wants (she lives with me) but won't let her make a habit of it but then she has consideration for me.
Hey, she does things for me so I'll make the effort for her. Like coming home and doing the dinner. She does the dinner most times mind you.
Give yourself more time to get to know her better.
Perhaps it is a misplaced way of saying "Oh you poor man, you need a woman to show you these things. I'll help you."
Meh.
But leading with this type of behavior would make me wonder what she will be like when she is comfortable.
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My suggestion is to get a silverware tray and let her 'rudeness' ride. A kitchen is a woman's domain (usually) and let's face it, we are generally not good at housekeeping. In fact, we are generally not good at being alone - well, speaking for myself anyway and you sound a lot like me. I don't like going out during the week either but I'll do it if my lady wants (she lives with me) but won't let her make a habit of it but then she has consideration for me.
Hey, she does things for me so I'll make the effort for her. Like coming home and doing the dinner. She does the dinner most times mind you.
Give yourself more time to get to know her better.
All the best!
Thanks man! I texted her some, but she hasn't responded to my last text on Sunday so I don't know what is up. Maybe I'm being ghosted. lol
1. Dump her, she is too controlling already and was totally out of line.
2. Grow up and live like an adult. Yes, people put "constant effort" in to have their place somewhat clean. You know yourself how dirty you are or you wouldn't have cleaned for hours in advance. If you want to date, you should have a presentable place that doesn't disgust people.
Yeah, I feel a bit taken aback by her comment, too. The part about how her 16 year old doesn't feel comfortable with her dating would also concern me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
It's pretty rude to go to anyone's house and start criticizing anything.
I'm inclined to agree, except...
When my boyfriend and I met, he'd been a bachelor in the same home for over 20 years. And he is a collector. Of many things. He did not even have living room furniture, he was using that space to store boxes from stuff he'd got on Amazon, in a huge pile. He had stacks of Reader's Digest his father ordered for him, piled on the kitchen counter. There was a D&D Monster Manual in the kitchen cupboard with some plates and a bunch of Taco Bell packets, some of which had solidified they were so old. There were odd nails and screws thrown in with the few pieces of silverware he owned. The prize for the oldest (dated) item I found was a bag of forgotten cough drops in the hall bathroom, from 1984. He was very nervous having me over. Mostly because of the um...adult art on the walls, which actually did not bug me at all (I find it beautiful, but it's not like centerfolds, its ART.)
The ONLY comment I made that was critical of his home, was when I went to use the bathroom, and my jaw dropped. The ceiling and walls were a good 1/4" thick with black mold. I said, "Look, you need to fix this. This is bad for your health." He said he'd tried scrubbing it and the paint was coming off, and I suggested hosing it down with a bleach product. He got some stuff, started working on it, and fixed the issue. That was it...at least at that point.
Now that we have moved in together, after we'd already been dating for over a year, I do keep the house nice. I only pester him if I notice that his shower hasn't been cleaned in a while. Not tryin' to have a mold problem! Of course, while I was going through his fridge during the move, I did inform him that he had a bottle of salad dressing dated 2012 and either we were throwing it out, or I would be enrolling it in preschool. I tried to have a sense of humor about things.
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