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I've been dating this girl for a few weeks and finally invited her to my place. I live alone and struggle with being neat and organized. So I spent hours cleaning my place throughly, finally feeling the place was perfect and spotless up to the last minute.
We planned to cook dinner in my kitchen and she kept making comments like she couldn't believe I didn't have a certainly cooking untensils and didn't like the way I stored food in the fridge. The worst was when she started hunting for a spoon and then found my junk drawer. I forgot about that. When I moved here, I just ran out of space for things and started just putting important mail in a kitchen drawer until it took over.
This morning, I told her I was going shopping and she texted I should clean out that drawer and buy a good silverware tray. I don't know, that comment just pissed me off. Like if I was a guest at someone's house, I would think it is rude to go around and start being critical of the way they live especially if it is initial dating. But maybe she is just trying to be helpful. At any rate, it left a negative impression. Maybe if she had presented it with a smiley face like in a fun poking at me kind of way, it wouldn't have rubbed me the wrong way.
Well I could spin it and say, she just feels so comfortable with you, like she's known you forever, I think it's too soon for her to be so bossy, and she doesn't sound like she was very nice about it either.
This sounds like a neatness freak; someone who's perfectionistic about organization and tidiness. Not a good sign. And yeah--rude, on the first visit to your place. You get the place spotless, and she obsesses over 1 drawer? And then she kind of badgers you about it, later? Really not a good sign. It's actually not unusual to have a junk drawer, or a junk tray on the dresser, or whatever. It's normal. And for a guy, especially a young guy, it's probably normal to not have a lot of kitchen utensils. A caring partner would be upbeat about it, and might suggest a fun shopping trip to a kitchen store, or something, for the next date. You learned something about her that day.
Are you two young? Sometimes young women who haven't been out of their parents' home very long have this parental standard to how things "should" be done, and expect the rest of the world to conform with the environment they grew up in. Some eventually loosen up as they mature, others don't.
Let me ask you this; if you stop and think about it, have there been any other incidents, in which she seemed a little controlling, or rigid? Has she micro-managed dates, or anything like that?
RE: "important mail", Zennie has a point. At the very least, you need to toss all the bills into an in-box on a desk or table, so those get addressed in a timely manner.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 07-28-2018 at 10:48 AM..
So you put your important mail in a drawer until it overflows?
You don't deal with the content and either file it or throw it away?
I wonder if she is thinking you may have hoarder tendencies. That is a hard road for a partner.
Yeah, if that was her first time over at your place, it was out of line to talk about it, but my take is the same as zentropa's - also, no silverware tray? Do you just have one drawer with all the utensils dumped in it? How long have you been living on your own? - there are certain norms that most adults expect others to have in their daily life - if you choose to step outside those norms, don't be surprised when others notice and possibly comment on it.
This sounds like a neatness freak; someone who's perfectionistic about organization and tidiness. Not a good sign. And yeah--rude, on the first visit to your place. You get the place spotless, and she obsesses over 1 drawer? And then she kind of badgers you about it, later? Really not a good sign. It's actually not unusual to have a junk drawer, or a junk tray on the dresser, or whatever. It's normal.
Are you two young? Sometimes young women who haven't been out of their parents' home very long have this parental standard to how things "should" be done, and expect the rest of the world to conform with the environment they grew up in. Some eventually loosen up as they mature, others don't.
Let me ask you this; if you stop and think about it, have there been any other incidents, in which she seemed a little controlling, or rigid? Has she micro-managed dates, or anything like that?
Yeah there has. Like last week, she suggested going to the movies. I really don't like dating on work nights, but went along with it. That day, it was blazing hot and I just felt drained. I texted her a comment about feeling run down and her response was "you better not be trying to cancel on me."
My gut is telling me more and more that I should move on, but then she will be nice and it sends mixed signals.
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