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Hi, guys! I really need some help. I am a 29 year old woman and I am currently living with my 30 year old boyfriend. We've been together for 1 year and 3 months. I was married before with a man for 4 years, but eventually things ended because he cheated on me and constantly making me feel that he wants other women. He made me suffer a lot, although I am an attractive woman, I feel really insecure.
Anyway, my boyfriend is really nice and he is really good to me, we love each other a lot, but the problem is that one night, he opened up the subject of masturbation. I regret it now, but I asked him if he was still doing it, even if I am always available for sex. I know it is very important to men and I enjoy it, too. I mean I would like to have even more than we already do. He casually said" yes, of course I masturbate. Everybody does". Well then I got angry, especially that he told me that he normally looks at pics or gifs of porn and that once he even done looking at the sexy pictures of a person he knows. I reacted bad, he started saying that he would do whatever I want, we even went to therapy for some moths. He said that he hadn't done it in 5 months, we started having more sex and he says he doesn' t miss it.
The thing is I am still having a hard time accepting it, I feel really jealous when I think of it. I think about this all day, picturing him looking at those women. It s really tearing me apart because I love him so much at the same time and I can feel he loves me too. I really need to talk to people about this. He says there nothing about fantasy or wanting other girls or those girls, he got used to it as he was doing it since teenage years, he doesn' t think about much while doing it and it s not even pics of the same person. He said he did it when he was horny and he generally used several porn pics of different women. How can I accept this and stop hurting so much?
Guys are visual. Guys masturbate. Even when they have sex regularly guys still masturbate. Stop being mad, hurting or upset over it. It’s just something a lot of guys do. Sometimes guys don’t want full on sex and just want a quick release. So they rub one out. You’re making this into way more than it is. You said it yourself. You’re insecure and you see his masturbating as rejection. It isn’t.
If I walked in and caught my wife watching porn and taking care of herself..... ok so what. The only time it would be a problem is if there was a guy other than myself physically in the room. Neither my wife or I are big porn watchers so that scenario just wouldn’t happen.
Guys are visual. Guys masturbate. Even when they have sex regularly guys still masturbate. Stop being mad, hurting or upset over it. It’s just something a lot of guys do. Sometimes guys don’t want full on sex and just want a quick release. So they rub one out. You’re making this into way more than it is. You said it yourself. You’re insecure and you see his masturbating as rejection. It isn’t.
If I walked in and caught my wife watching porn and taking care of herself..... ok so what. The only time it would be a problem is if there was a guy other than myself physically in the room. Neither my wife or I are big porn watchers so that scenario just wouldn’t happen.
Women are visual too, what makes you think only men are visual, do you think women are blind?
Stop being mad when your girl watches porn and realizes you've been short changed and wants someone like the guy in the porn movie. She now looks at other men wondering if they have it and she no longer desires you because she's been there, done that, and she knows you just don't have what those real men have.
Oh and if she's performing her wifely duty, is she with you or is she with the guy who has his and your share?
Guys are visual. So they rub one out. You’re making this into way more than it is.
Making more of it than it is?
Society agrees that slavery is inhumane and degrading. But still, people are accepting of a form of modern-day slavery - human sex trafficking. And while people claim to be opposed to sex trafficking, what you ignore is that the demand for sex trafficking is fueled by pornography and the porn industry. how-porn-fuels-sex-trafficking/
So how would you feel if your daughter was forced into sex trafficking so men like you can "as you said" rub one out while watching your daughter?
To be honest, I am not trying to find who's fault is it. I am trying to find a way to be ok with it. I want to trust him and feel safe with him. Do you think it's possible that maybe it was really just force of habit and not the desire to replace me or see someone else than me? I don t mind the act itself as much as I mind looking at those pics.
OP, I think you might be a bit prudish? Earlier you mentioned you 'suspected' he masturbated while single. I would literally not believe a man who said he didn't.
And yes, on average men are much more visual than women. Women fantasize during masturbation but don't always need a visual aid.
I wouldn't expect a guy to only think about me when masturbating, but I also would certainly NOT want to hear what/who he did have in his head.
Just a thought for the ladies who think their guys are lusting after the porn artists... but ONLY if you trust your guy:
Tape the two of you making love. My late wife and I used to do it, and the films were the hottest porn I've ever seen. We enjoyed making them (a whole lot), and then enjoyed watching them.
We didn't make the tapes so I wouldn't watch other porn, because we watched porn together for giggles and ideas, but to me, nothing is more provocative than watching my loved one in a sex scene with me!
But don't do it if you don't trust your guy 100%. That kind of stuff getting out could be embarrassing!
I've caught my (then bf/ now husband) watching porn and trust me, I felt angry, jealous and like I wasn't good enough. The OP has a right to feel bad. Yes its a " normal" act, but it certainly can make the other person feel inadequate.
I've caught my (then bf/ now husband) watching porn and trust me, I felt angry, jealous and like I wasn't good enough. The OP has a right to feel bad. Yes its a " normal" act, but it certainly can make the other person feel inadequate.
And when it is instead of you, when you know he'd rather stand there at the sink than touch you, it makes you feel like the ugliest woman in the world.
That doesn't matter, though. While it is an utter cardinal sin to threaten a man's sexuality, even loosely, even indirectly, hell, even by accident, ever...it's totally okay to routinely show a woman that your hand and a total stranger are "perfectly normal!!!!!!" replacements for her, and in fact she's an insecure psycho if she has any objection at all to the fact. The whole world will come screaming and jeering down on her at what a controlling sicko she must be.
Hi, guys! I really need some help. I am a 29 year old woman and I am currently living with my 30 year old boyfriend. We've been together for 1 year and 3 months. I was married before with a man for 4 years, but eventually things ended because he cheated on me and constantly making me feel that he wants other women. He made me suffer a lot, although I am an attractive woman, I feel really insecure.
Anyway, my boyfriend is really nice and he is really good to me, we love each other a lot, but the problem is that one night, he opened up the subject of masturbation. I regret it now, but I asked him if he was still doing it, even if I am always available for sex. I know it is very important to men and I enjoy it, too. I mean I would like to have even more than we already do. He casually said" yes, of course I masturbate. Everybody does". Well then I got angry, especially that he told me that he normally looks at pics or gifs of porn and that once he even done looking at the sexy pictures of a person he knows. I reacted bad, he started saying that he would do whatever I want, we even went to therapy for some moths. He said that he hadn't done it in 5 months, we started having more sex and he says he doesn' t miss it.
The thing is I am still having a hard time accepting it, I feel really jealous when I think of it. I think about this all day, picturing him looking at those women. It s really tearing me apart because I love him so much at the same time and I can feel he loves me too. I really need to talk to people about this. He says there nothing about fantasy or wanting other girls or those girls, he got used to it as he was doing it since teenage years, he doesn' t think about much while doing it and it s not even pics of the same person. He said he did it when he was horny and he generally used several porn pics of different women. How can I accept this and stop hurting so much?
Hi Lolas
It takes a long while to learn about men. I think I've got it! (Forgive me guys).
Men are going to look at women like their heads are on a swivel. Just because they have a higher sex drive than women doesn't mean they cave into it. Men want fidelity too. Next time you think of asking such questions of men, stop, and jump him instead.
There is no reason to suspect he isn't enjoying your company or your love-making. There is no need to worry or get angry about his testosterone.
If you want more sex make a move when you have the urge instead of waiting for the guy to come on to you. As you say you are always available.
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