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Yeah, as far as I know and what he tells me, he does not view it anymore. We are doing really good now, but those old wounds are still tender, ya know. It is just really frustrating to watch ready and available women do and be anything for their men only to be objectified or dismissed.
My dear lady, don't you ever read any of the other posts on this forum? I would estimate half of the conversation on here is about guys looking for the item above in bolded type. Now I don't doubt there are some out there, but they are sure in damn short supply.
I'll get to the objectification issue in another post.
I do understand that this a PG Forum, but I am beyond frustrated by the posts I read about men and porn use, whether it be casual and or extremely dedicated. I used to not have an issue with this until my husband became addicted for years (I didn't know) I left him because he would rather look at porn that have real sex with his real wife. This was quite a few years ago and we have resolved our issues etc. BUT this issue still chaps my ass. So my question is, do people make love anymore, just really passionate REAL love-or is it just cheap versions porn saturated sex in the sheets.
Somebody please tell me they are getting the real deal! (This is not a solicitation)
Trying to fit “all” sex and sexual desire in to one tiny box with a check mark isn’t really reality, no.
People have all types of sex motivated by all kinds of reasonings.
I do not know your history to comment on your issues with your husband, but I can say that the issue itself won’t reside strictly in porn or sex itself. The actions are a byproduct, not a motivator.
I don't know. But I think porn addiction is a huge problem in society and I think men, in particular, are more damaged by it. They tend to get addicted and porn feeds them a false narrative.
I quit porn a couple months ago. I realized that it should be me having sex with those beautiful women. Not sitting home in solitude, spilling my seed, my soul! ...to a woman who doesn't even know I exist. Ever since that realization, I lost my appetite for pornography.
Last edited by New Horizons; 08-02-2018 at 01:17 AM..
I've never looked at porn, nor have the desire to. My logic is why look at porn when you can get the real thing? If I get married, my lady and I will make our own "porn" for OUR eyes only
I quit porn a couple months ago. I realized that it should be me having sex with those beautiful women. Not sitting home in solitude, spilling my seed, my soul! ...to a woman who doesn't even know I exist. Ever since that realization, I lost my appetite for pornography.
I think for most men porn is a substitute, and when they have access to a real woman porn means little or nothing to them.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-02-2018 at 01:56 PM..
Reason: Orphaned and off-topic.
he would rather look at porn that have real sex with his real wife.
Never really understood why it has to be one or the other, unless your relationship had other issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilly9244
, do people make love anymore, just really passionate REAL love-or is it just cheap versions porn saturated sex in the sheets.
Your definition of these two things will not be the same as other peoples'. What seems romantic to you may seem boring to others. have you considered that p0rn may have done everyone a favor and simply expanded people's horizons? Normalized things that are fun but were considered shameful? Keep in mind that the time when it was inappropriate for a woman to appear in public without a hat or wearing pants instead of a skirt was not that long ago.
Before we drift too far from the shore...or the topic...
I really think that everyone just has to decide what they believe about porn, what is your own moral position on it, and then when you know that, then you need to communicate with potential partners to find a good fit.
There are plenty of people who are of a more religious mindset who actually believe that it is WRONG.
I dated very briefly one guy (it didn't go far because he was always out of town, sadly) who was a health & fitness nut, and also believed that porn was bad for the mind and body. Some guys just really are not into it.
I think we all have a right to our views about the subject and to seek compatibility in other people, just like practically anything. If it's a values issue, you need to try and find someone who's already on the same page, optimally.
The trouble for some of us (me) is when our minds believe it's ok...but our emotions are turbulent. And for me it's not just jealousy, it's a whole package of stuff.
For one thing, I had to reconcile the fact that many people are turned on by taboo ideas. And porn deliberately incorporates many of them, in order to push those buttons. The old question...if you fantasize about X taboo thing, that is truly NOT OK in reality...does that mean you're a sicko who actually wants to DO the thing? Getting into the fetish lifestyle has helped me make peace with this, because we find lots of ways to play with those shadows in ourselves without actually crossing the line into "wrong." When you see people manage this for decades, and never have they taken it to the actual "wrong" place, you realize that no...people can acknowledge that a taboo idea pushes a button without being in fact a bad person and that most of us do not need to escalate to a bad place. Fantasy does not equal intent.
Not only has this allowed me to trust my partners and not freak out about certain things that turn them on...and "men" in general sometimes...but it's also allowed me to make peace with some of the specific taboo subjects that push my own buttons. And when you find a partner where both of you can trust each other, not judge each other, enough to share that stuff, even though it's pretty delicate psychological territory...that is some serious vulnerability, serious intimacy, serious trust.
Another thought I had that I wonder is in the process of the OP, is that as I said how a lot of porn hits some pretty taboo notes at times... As a woman, I wondered about my male partners who enjoyed it, "Do they really think that's hot? Is that what they actually WANT?" And it made me feel squicky about the sexuality of those men.
Like for a less shocking example, there is a huge demand for "Barely Legal." Very young, teenage women who preferably look even younger than they are. As a women who got far more sexual attention and interest from men of all ages when I was 13-17, even though I haven't gained weight or changed dramatically as I've aged...my allure was apparently higher when I was underage... It makes me wonder, "Is this what guys honestly want?" Do they merely settle for adult women and claim that they are happy with adult women, because society tells them what is ok and what isn't, while quietly fantasizing about having the taboo they truly desire? And as a woman who is coming up on 40, even though my boyfriend is older by a significant margin, if he's still casting longing looks at teenage women, let alone what he's viewing online in porn? My EMOTIONAL response is, "Well, I cannot roll back the clock and be 16 for you, so why am I even bothering? I'm only going to get older. If what I am, ain't what's doin' it for you, why subject myself to just being better than nothing?" I mean, this stuff really comes into play when you are bonded with a partner, and you want to be what does it for them, and they are totally doing it for you.
Then you get into porn content featuring acts that you know you wouldn't enjoy, even that would hurt in ways you never want to experience, and you wonder if your man would find it hotter, better, doing stuff that completely disregards whether you're even enjoying the act, or being degrading, hurting, dehumanizing. Which is how I would feel, if I were in the position doing the thing, that such-and-such porn actress is "pretending" (maybe, maybe not) to "enjoy."
It is a deeply hurtful idea. One that casts a long shadow of fear and shame and avoidance over what I might want to be beautiful and loving and bonding as an experience, the entire concept of sex.
It can really make you wonder, if what you (as a woman) want in a sexual relationship, is even something that men also want at all.
Fortunately...they actually DO want the emotional and loving bonds, much of the time. Which goes to how porn and sex are utterly different things for men in ways that women can struggle at times to accept. A lot of what I describe here, is stuff I have worked past so it doesn't stab at my soul anymore, but I clearly remember how it has felt in the past, which is how/why I speak to it now. I don't think most women want to have that question in our minds, "Is that what you wish I was? Is that what you want from me? Is that what you want instead of me?" But I'm betting that for many women who find porn use by male partners disturbing, that's the kind of feelings they are having about it.
Another thought I had that I wonder is in the process of the OP, is that as I said how a lot of porn hits some pretty taboo notes at times... As a woman, I wondered about my male partners who enjoyed it, "Do they really think that's hot? Is that what they actually WANT?" And it made me feel squicky about the sexuality of those men.
Like for a less shocking example, there is a huge demand for "Barely Legal." Very young, teenage women who preferably look even younger than they are. As a women who got far more sexual attention and interest from men of all ages when I was 13-17, even though I haven't gained weight or changed dramatically as I've aged...my allure was apparently higher when I was underage... It makes me wonder, "Is this what guys honestly want?" Do they merely settle for adult women and claim that they are happy with adult women, because society tells them what is ok and what isn't, while quietly fantasizing about having the taboo they truly desire? And as a woman who is coming up on 40, even though my boyfriend is older by a significant margin, if he's still casting longing looks at teenage women, let alone what he's viewing online in porn? My EMOTIONAL response is, "Well, I cannot roll back the clock and be 16 for you, so why am I even bothering? I'm only going to get older. If what I am, ain't what's doin' it for you, why subject myself to just being better than nothing?" I mean, this stuff really comes into play when you are bonded with a partner, and you want to be what does it for them, and they are totally doing it for you.
Then you get into porn content featuring acts that you know you wouldn't enjoy, even that would hurt in ways you never want to experience, and you wonder if your man would find it hotter, better, doing stuff that completely disregards whether you're even enjoying the act, or being degrading, hurting, dehumanizing. Which is how I would feel, if I were in the position doing the thing, that such-and-such porn actress is "pretending" (maybe, maybe not) to "enjoy."
It is a deeply hurtful idea. One that casts a long shadow of fear and shame and avoidance over what I might want to be beautiful and loving and bonding as an experience, the entire concept of sex.
It can really make you wonder, if what you (as a woman) want in a sexual relationship, is even something that men also want at all.
Fortunately...they actually DO want the emotional and loving bonds, much of the time. Which goes to how porn and sex are utterly different things for men in ways that women can struggle at times to accept. A lot of what I describe here, is stuff I have worked past so it doesn't stab at my soul anymore, but I clearly remember how it has felt in the past, which is how/why I speak to it now. I don't think most women want to have that question in our minds, "Is that what you wish I was? Is that what you want from me? Is that what you want instead of me?" But I'm betting that for many women who find porn use by male partners disturbing, that's the kind of feelings they are having about it.
I honestly think very few men can empathize - I mean, how many men seem to be concerned about women seeing p0rn where every man Mod cut.! If you are "mindlessly" watching an image and reacting to porn kind of in a daze on a subconscious level does that make it better or worse? I'm just not sure.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-02-2018 at 02:02 PM..
Reason: Vulgarity.
Like for a less shocking example, there is a huge demand for "Barely Legal." Very young, teenage women who preferably look even younger than they are. As a women who got far more sexual attention and interest from men of all ages when I was 13-17, even though I haven't gained weight or changed dramatically as I've aged...my allure was apparently higher when I was underage... It makes me wonder, "Is this what guys honestly want?"
Mod cut.
Getting back to evolution, men favor younger women because of their increased birthing potential. IMO
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Fortunately...they actually DO want the emotional and loving bonds, much of the time. Which goes to how porn and sex are utterly different things for men in ways that women can struggle at times to accept. A lot of what I describe here, is stuff I have worked past so it doesn't stab at my soul anymore, but I clearly remember how it has felt in the past, which is how/why I speak to it now. I don't think most women want to have that question in our minds, "Is that what you wish I was? Is that what you want from me? Is that what you want instead of me?" But I'm betting that for many women who find porn use by male partners disturbing, that's the kind of feelings they are having about it.
Most men really want a woman and a family. Just look at our population demographics. That is the most common mode.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
I honestly think very few men can empathize - I mean, how many men seem to be concerned about women seeing p0rn where every man has [bleep]! If you are "mindlessly" watching an image and reacting to porn kind of in a daze on a subconscious level does that make it better or worse? I'm just not sure.
This is why I don't like seeing couples porn, or that is what I have come up with trying to understand why others like couples porn and I don't. I view the man in the porn as my competition, and I don't want competition. I won't even look at the stuff unless it's just a female model posing, and I've lost most of my interest in even that. And of course I'd make a horrible poly. I'm hopelessly monogamous.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-02-2018 at 02:05 PM..
Reason: Off-topic and orphaned comments.
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